@VL Ah, yeah, reading your comment now I’m recalling that you said before that you were married. Sorry for forgetting about it.
Yeah, is a bit of a complicated situation and I bet that going after LO must be really tempting at times. But it’s good to see that you’re working on the recovery of your marriage and that you’re making progress in dropping the LE!

“I do still love my wife” I should have said above. I am multitasking here!

@ Benjamin: My LO is single (as far as I know she still is anyway), but I am married, so she is off limits for me (unless I end my marriage, which is a possibility since my wife and I do have some pretty major issues). I actually do hope in many ways that my LO is with someone by now. She deserves to be happy, and frankly she deserves to be having lots of great sex with someone (lucky guy if she is). I am hoping she isn’t hung up on my brother in-law (I have seen signs recently that she may have given up on him, since he isn’t interested in her). I know she is only really a fantasy for me, but that faint hope of one day being able to chase after her is keeping me going in some ways, although it is killing me in other ways because it is negatively impacting any chance of repairing my marriage (and I simply can’t use that faint hope as motivation for anything because she is highly unlikely ever to be interested in me and I do still love her, despite our issues). At least I am recovering in some ways — slowly but surely!

Thank you, Mia. I received more support from this group than LO. He just discarded me. Ptsd is a long road, indeed.

(This comment is directed at A_S, since the blog won’t let me reply directly to them)
I actually had thoughts like that on the days inmmediately after she rejected me, and honestly, they filled me with so much jealously and impotence that I thought I was going to burst.
I can see your point about how it will help with the desensitization, though. Even now, thinking about LO and her boyfriend having sex still stings a little, although it’s not in the same magnitude as before. You certainly have lots of emotional fortitude to be able to do that periodically, A_S.

(This comment is directed at VL, since the blog won’t let me reply directly to him)
Well, in my case there’s no risk of seeing her as more attainable, since my LO is already with someone and of course going after people already in a relationship is a big no-no. It would take them breaking up and she suddenly remembering that she left a couple of messages of mine on unread for the idea of us as an item being even considered a possibility.
But yes, seeing that you can look at LO’s photos without being overwhelmed by lovesickness is certainly a liberating sensation.

How about instead of imagining her having “a lovely” evening with her bf, try imagining something more disturbing like the two of them having sex. I know it’s such a vulgar example but when you think about it practically, they do have sex. Whenever I think about lo having sex with whomever he could be sleeping with these days (well, maybe not recently- covid), I first get that sharp pain in my chest from the emotional pain, but then that pain turns into a thought “but he is most likely with other women.” It’s slowly sinking in. It could be a useful tool for desensitization.

Dear AS,
I gave my sister some advice few weeks ago (I must admit I’m.also the queen of over analyzing when im anxious).
I told her: when you have to analyse or get proof if your guy likes you or not by analysing an exclamation mark , you know enough.
It’s not about the little words we do or don’t use, if I would want contact with someone I would ask ” what do you mean ” if I didn’t understand. Silence is the answer too sound pretty clear.

Thanx AS , He will respond, I’m sure, I’m just not ready
I will be back in limerence prison hell in no time since we can not fly and see each other and I really want to heal some patterns. LO is a symbol of a bigger issue. But maybe one day I will send that message ( it sounds pretty normal and grown up as you wrote it! ) Although I’m also proud as f* and I want him to contact me, but probably that’s my anxious attached part talking , wanting proof ( and more proof, an bottomless pit off proof) he still likes me, being all weird about contacting and not knowing anymore what is normal behaviour.
All I know for sure right now is that I want to heal and grow stronger. As hard as it is I’m doing it without LO.

Yep. My LO recently posted a new picture of herself in a bikini looking sexy as hell (she has a body that would shame women half her age). It isn’t like I didn’t like what I saw, but I’m not the drooling, lovesick mess I would have been a few months back seeing that shot! While I am aware of my LO’s (minor) flaws, I find that particular strategy backfires on me because focusing on her imperfections (we all have them) just makes her feel less unattainable and less out of my league.