Honestly I would love to receive a text like that from my one and only LO. Even after ten years. Because I am pretty sure I’ve done enough work on myself to be able to let it go with a ‘thanks for the message, but after years of confusion I’m done’ it would also give me that confirmation that I’m not crazy. He definitely reciprocated!

Wow, B. What a development!

A pivotal moment, this. LO has confirmed the old hope had some foundation – there was “something” there. But, you have now recovered your senses and escaped the limerence and so can see clearly that it was anyway all based in fantasy and your own needs. LO is still stuck in the past, not processing what happened properly. You are on the brink of either escaping completely or getting sucked back in.

I think it’s possible to protect yourself and help her. Guide her towards information about limerence, and then go back to no contact. No declaration or drama needed. She has tacitly made clear she wants to keep it secret (by asking you to delete the text). Perhaps confirm that you have and that no future texts are needed, and wish her well for her recovery.

Then look forwards again towards your purposeful future, now with the comfort that you finally know what so many limerents are desperate to find out – there was some reciprocation – but with the deeper knowledge that it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s in the past, and you have transcended it.

B,
“I wonder, has anyone ever had a LE, gone NC, healed completely (i.e. years later), and then had another LE with the same LO? ”
I don’t know. But why would you want to risk it?
Sometimes I think limerents want the drama and torture.

Alright B, we can work with that. You already responded. You want to “help LO” because you have sympathy for her predicament. Okay let’s work from there.

I would like to hear your boundaries. I suspect they are somewhere between “I’m never speaking to this woman again” and “I’ll dive into a PA.” How far are you willing to take this? What will your wife tolerate? If you plan to walk this journey, you probably better check in at LwL periodically so we can try to keep you grounded.

Also, be aware that your limerence may just be dormant. It could come back.

Marcia has some great advice for you.

I wonder, has anyone ever had a LE, gone NC, healed completely (i.e. years later), and then had another LE with the same LO? I feel impervious to her charm at present. But I’m sure a lot of recovering alcoholics feel that way about just having a couple of beers.

Unfortunately I already responded, fairly quickly after her text. It was more the medium response. I know the torture that is limerence, so I want to help her, but is this my lizard brain trying to trick me into re-establishing contact? Right now, I don’t feel at all what I did in the depths of my LE. I feel more like validation, like I KNEW she felt this way about me all along, ah HA!, I wasn’t crazy after all!
It’s strangely wonderful to scroll up this very page and see my own comments from years ago. I hated myself and life and wanted to just go to sleep forever. Why would I do anything to go back to that place?

B.,
“How many times did I ruminate about this moment. Here it is at last.”
It’s possible she wants the attention, all of a sudden. It’s possible you could respond and then she doesn’t. Or she does, but is hot and cold. It could go any number of ways.
It’s best to not respond. Unless you want to open this whole thing back up again (I’m referring to your feelings). I’m sorry, but her feelings are her issue to deal with, like you dealt with yours and got over it.
It’s, frankly, selfish, that she reappeared after all this time.

It’s nice to meet you, B.

Oh boy, yikes! You are standing on the edge of a minefield. I will try to put myself in your LO’s shoes. Here are some ideas about how you could respond.

Your best response is to ignore her text. Maybe the rejection will help her redirect her thoughts to where they belong. She will be hurt, but she’ll get over it.

Your worst response is reciprocation. Saying something like, “I think of you often and I’m so glad that you reached out to me,” would add fuel to the fire. It’s not a good idea.

A medium response would be, “That sounds hard. I’m sorry you’re going through that. I love my wife and I have no intention of betraying her or your SO. I can only offer you friendship. Is there something I can do to help you get through this difficult phase?” It sets a boundary and acknowledges that you care about her feelings. I would shy away from this unless you are ready to get drug through the mud.

Good luck! Dang, that is a tricky situation.