To be fair, the message comes through in the post that there is an underlying devaluing mindset of his wife and marriage in Don that he might want to examine. It has nothing to do with his wife’s value or the value of his marriage. It seems like an implied sense of superiority to his wife that is a weakness in his character and not one a wife should put up with.

This rings true but an additional important point is the husband’s unfortunate victim mentaliity. He does not examine his contribution to the state the marriage is in. A marriage become sexless for a reason and it is up to both parties to talk about it, communicate and examine their role in bringing it to that stare.

Help me ! I had an online affair . The affair has ended .but I can’t connect with my husband I’m so frustrated

Not helpful that’s purely vengeful. Deserving as the cheating partner may be to loose his/her life that was taken for granted, the “destroy them” suggestion isn’t good in the long run for anyone, including yourself. Then again everyone’s situation is different.

My wife is divorcing me, she has been cheating on me for a year before she asked for divorce, I only found out about her affair after she asked for divorce,
It’s been a year we are going through divorce and two years since she is with a still secretive boyfriend.
Best way to handle I think is focus on your life as much as you can , see kids as much as you can, don’t force yourself to see kids when you feel down , nobody wants to see a depressed father and unfaithful is only going to get a ego boost from seeing you depressed and emotionally drained. Somehow , somehow betrayed , me in this case and others as well in their situations, has to find a way to like themselves again and we have to trust ourselves and move on without ever looking back, once a married woman crosses the line and sleeps with another man it’s all gone and done. Looking back and putting her on a high seat only is going to make us weaker and weaker and feel and look crazy, it’s a life changing trauma without a doubt, however life is still good and goes on and we have to go with it and find a hot we betrayed s deserve .
DONT LOOK BACK thats my advise , it’s only going to keep hurting every time you look back, see your children and be as non-emotional as you can.

Hi Don, and welcome. There are a couple of posts on the site that directly relate to what you are going through, so that could be a good starting point for advice:

https://livingwithlimerence.com/the-loneliness-of-no-contact/
https://livingwithlimerence.com/limerence-and-the-sexless-marriage/

That’s a pretty unsophisticated take, Marshmallow. It reminds me of the people who state categorically “if your spouse is withholding sex, then the marriage is over. Leave now.”

Don clearly understands that weakness of character was an element of his predicament, but it’s equally lazy to suggest it’s the only relevant issue. He’s been honest with his wife now, and they are working on trying to figure out what happens next.

I hope she gets some good support and advice from a trusted friend and advisor, and makes a purposeful decision about what the best future of her will be. And I wish the same for Don.

I’m not implying it. I’m stating it. I’m also stating I hope she gets a lawyer and a divorce.

Pursuing a LO for TWO YEARS was the lazy way out.

Are you implying there is something wrong with someone that doesn’t find the pressure of working on a decades old marriage to be comparable to the euphoria of falling in love?

“But I also exhibited SOME low character chasing this person…”

“…while I grieve the loss of her with ONLY my marriage to work on.”

Nice.