Thank you that was interesting to watch.

Welcome, Derek. I’d echo what Scharnhorst and Bert have said – don’t worry too much about the possible problems that limerence could cause down the road, just enjoy the connection in the here and now. I have a relatively positive view of limerence (see this post for example), and agree with Bert that it only becomes a problem if it is not reciprocated or there is a barrier that prevents you from getting together – which causes it to turn inwards and become an obsessive cycle. It sounds from your story as though that isn’t the case for you, so be bold!

I’d also agree with Scharnhorst that a little gentle probing on her view about limerence (and maybe history with it) would be a good idea. It sounds like a very intense and emotionally charged date – not a problem but also not a situation that is compatible with sober reflection. It might be wise to decelerate a little, and get to know her thoughts on romantic connection.

Good luck!

Also, you probably want to have this conversation in person across a table so you can read her eyes, face, and body language. You don’t want her next to you for this one.

Pull the limerence string with her. Do some homework but not too much homework. Tell her you looked up limerence and read Tenov’s criteria. Ask her why she brought it up and listen carefully to what she says. Tell her it sounds like she’s familiar with the term and ask how she learned about it. That could tell you volumes about her. You want her to do the talking.

Just out of curiosity, what does she do for a living?

Promising starts don’t always lead to promising futures. After I broke up with LO #2, I met a woman at a community event. On our first date, we closed the restaurant. On our next date, she took me into a sex shop and I felt like I was being assessed by her. The relationship went nowhere and didn’t end too well. The worst thing about it was a few months after we stopped seeing each other, I was assigned a project with her father, who I’d met several times dating her. That was awkward.

Sorry, meant to post as a reply to you – see below.

@Kevin, jealousy and guilt are pretty normal feelings during limerence so don’t beat yourself up about it. Don’t dwell on what has happened and focus on moving on from LO, keeping as much distance as you can from her. If you know she’s not interested in what you wanted, (think you wanted), what’s the point of investing time in her anyway? One of my most successful coping strategies has been keeping myself so busy that I don’t have time to think about LO. Get busy with something that has positive outcomes and if possible try and include your SO. Enjoy some guilt free time with her!

I think it’s good to have greater distance from the outside, as well. When other people are asking, “Have you had your LO to dinner yet?” it indicates that they’re curious about your relationship with that person. They’re trying to confirm or falsify their own suspicions about the two of you. You can guarantee that if there’s touching, little solo lunches, one-on-one meetings, that people are speculating.

So if you haven’t had LO over for dinner, it puts the kibosh on speculation. It’s a good thing!

Yes i can imagine – be grateful she left – when my LO is out of office I love it and im a different person in the office. When she is there, I almost freeze and become introverted and quiet.
I hate that i have to be like that and not myself