It’s strange because I can enjoy innocent and minor flirtation without becoming obsessed. Limerence only happens to me once in a blue moon (in fact, this is the first time in 20 years). I am able to have minor crushes without becoming fully limerent. Do others experience this?

@Sammy. Yup utterly unfair! Saying that….on very rare occasions (once in a lifetime for me), limerence can feel quite magical when you are both single, feelings are reciprocated and you feel secure and trusting with LO. Non-limerents will never experience that level of euphoric intensity. The only problem is that the feeling is so amazing, it is hard not to want to experience it again…just once last time before you are too old.
I am deeply romantic, have a vivid imagination (which I use often) and have addictive tendencies. I think this is what makes me a limerent.
@Mia – I’m afraid I am chuckling a little thinking about your LO! Some types of men can be clueless at the best of times but I can’t imagine what he is thinking right now 🙂
Well done you!…you tested the water and had the self awareness to look after yourself. You are one incredibly strong woman!

I hear you, I find it soo frustrating that I can not just be friendly to LO till we can meet up coronawise and see if we are in fact a match
I have to come to terms that an alcoholic can not drink with patience
After 10 weeks NC I recently had some contact, he was super nice and enthusiastic, but I immediately felt sucked back in the addiction. So I stopped replying. Poor man doesn’t understand me at all.

The fact that 95% of the population can enjoy flirtation and pass it off as harmless recreation does seem a trifle unfair. What is it about us limerents? Is the emotional part of our brain more responsive to stuff? Are we more honest than average or more moral than most? Honestly, the “custom” of insincere flirting (giving and receiving) makes me feel uncomfortable.

Unfortunately I am now in the “I’ll just quit my job” camp as that seems to be the only way out. It seems extreme, but so is the idea of continuing on in this emotional state and a job is just a job.

Very true, Matt. I am working out and losing weight for myself, but I don’t mind a little female attention too (no matter what happens in my marriage). I know a lot of women don’t like huge bodybuilder types, but I’m not trying to be one of those anyway. That takes years of dedication, the right genes, a special diet and likely major doses of “Vitamin S.” Many women these days say they prefer the “dad bod” anyway (which I certainly have at this point, since a dad bod isn’t about being a total slob; it means you actually care somewhat about your health and fitness but aren’t fanatical about it). I watched a few videos where they interviewed women and the women were saying that. Still, for many of them, it just sounded like they thought the dad bod was simply more attainable and less out of their league. I suspect that many of them wouldn’t be averse to a guy with a Chippendale-type body if they could get one. On the other hand, I also heard somewhere that guys work out primarily to compete with other guys (there’s that dominance hierarchy again). I think there could be some truth to that.

VL, don’t work out for the ladies, work out for yourself! And remember women are different than men – they value different things than we do, and they can spot when guys care too much about their physical selves.

Also, remember that people find traits that are different than their own traits to be attractive in others. If all you see in the mirror every day is your own thin face straight dark hair, and dark eyes, you’re going to find a rounder face, curly hair, and lighter eyes to be attractive. I’ve had at least two women tell me how cute my rounder face is. Don’t try to change yourself for any other reason than to make yourself healthier!!

D’oh! It should have been “replace fat with muscle” above!