Did the LO show curiosity about him?
Answer: No.
Was he curious about her?
Answer:No.
My response: If there was no curiosity, it wasn’t love.
Limerent wakes up to the notion of illusion.

Did they use critical thinking over time to determine who the LO was or idealize her from the start and hang onto that?
Answer: Idealized.
My response: Lack of critical thinking about someone is an extreme lack of curiosity.

I also challenged his illusions about her physical appearance , pointing out contra-indicators we had seen for ourselves, but until I challenged him, he had denied to himself so he could hold onto his illusion.When he accepted what he had seen with his own eyes, the illusion of physical perfection crumbled.

Thank you for sharing! This inside view of your experience is so helpful for me as the spouse of a limerent.

Hi Robert, I hope things have improved for you. May I suggest that you check out Marriage Helper on YouTube? They have many helpful videos. I discovered them while running from my own limerence. Something they talk about that I think might help you is “SMART contact” and working on your “PIES”. As a limerent, I see how those two things would be very helpful tools for the SO.

Also, if you can, you might try getting curious about your wife. Have conversations where you are fully present. It sounds like she is seeking attention. The unemployed LO is probably available to give her a lot of attention.

Best Wishes!

I am on the same boat with my H. Any updates?

Limerence Victim – any updates? Unfortunately I had the same thing happened to me. Word for word other then she said that she is with her twin Flame 🔥

All I am doing at this point is going through with the divorce and trying to protect my finances and the children.

14 year marriage dead due to an LO that seems to be playing games.

Hi Robert. Sorry to hear what you are going through. Quite a pile of emotional pain weighing on you…

Unfortunately, I’m probably not going to make you feel very optimistic in my reply. Bluntly, I don’t think there is anything you can do to break the hold of LO on your spouse, by yourself. Your wife has to be on board with wanting to recover. Unfortunately, from what you say, she has a history of serial infidelity. That’s not an encouraging starting point. It suggests that she is in the habit of indulging in romantic/sexual adventures when they arise, and then seeking your forgiveness if she is found out. It could be that she is prone to limerence, but that really isn’t much of an excuse for behaving so callously.

My advice to spouses who have been betrayed is to focus on themselves. You are not likely to get any emotional support from your wife, so need to look to yourself, and to friends and family you trust to figure out what you want. Is this the kind of marriage that you want to continue with? What are your own goals and ambitions? You cannot fix this problem by yourself, but you can instead think deeply about your own emotional life and how you would like your future to be. Can you imagine a purposeful future that you would like to live? Is she in it?

I have a free e-book you can download called “Anxiety to Action” if you haven’t already seen it (box in the sidebar). That also goes into depth on how to communicate effectively with a checked-out spouse. It may help.

Good luck and best wishes.

Ditto Nat! I was/am happy – my life is good and my marriage is happy and secure. Neither was perfect of course but I was content with my lot.
My feelings came as a complete surprise to me and I was not seeking this at all. 1.5 years after I started working with boss LO, I came to a sudden realisation that I had these powerful feelings for him. A year of LE later, even though our relationship remains completely professional, I feel like life would not be as good without my LO in it.
I am not easily impressed by men either as I have a lovely SO whom very few men can compete with in my eyes. I think my LE grew from a mutually supportive working relationship and his ability to both challenge me and make me feel safe & cared for in equal measure. Plus he has many qualities I really like…sigh.
I am working on making some small changes to make life even better fore the reason that introducing more novelty distracts me from LE, and not really because there was anything wrong with my life to start with.
Wishing you well.

Thanks for your support guys:-) Honestly, I don’t know how I would’ve handled it if I hadn’t found this site. Dr L saved the day for me.
I cannot say it’s easy. LO still comes up in my dreams. And I’m still trying to pinpoint what is it exactly that made me fall this hard for him, as I am not easily impressed normally.
I looove the idea of living with purpose as an antidote for limerence… but I really feel like I was living purposefuly before meeting LO ! I guess I was craving validation and emotional connection (aren’t we all), but it’s not like I was emotionaly deprived either.
Anyone feels the same way? Like you were perfectly happy before the LE and felt like you didn’t need anything ? And then bang, LO shows up and challenges that belief ?