Yes, when LO told me they were in love with someone, that was so clear that it was instant death of hope. And the turning point toward recovery.

Hi Ryan Duke. Yes, that sound about right. Uncertainty really fuels the whole LE. Take it out of the picture, and limerent feelings should really reduce, if not go away completely. Glad that you got clarity on this, keep going.

Interesting follow up on this. LO was as far as I was aware (from her) in a very up and down relationship and I think my limerent brain perceived her as a ‘damsel in distress’. Anyway over Christmas she messaged me to say she was engaged. Even since then I no longer feel I am Limerent for her -yes still clearly think she is incredibly attractive etc but the thoughts / feelings / uncertainty have all but disappeared .. I can’t really explain why but they have. Perhaps the uncertainty has been removed as to what would happen in the future I really don’t know .. I just know that I no longer have intense feelings towards her 💪🏻

These are two of the best Dr. L posts ever, in my opinion.

One of the turning points for me in my mentality towards LO that Dr L said is realizing that “LO is a source of pain, not pleasure”. It’s very true. Not her fault, but still true.

@speedwagon – yes it’s a long silent recovery road.

I think next time I get the urge I just need to remember how rubbish I will feel afterwards. I guess lunch (it was nearly 2 hours) is quite intense and would always be intimate whoever it is with. There really is no need for it or even going out of my way to speak to her (which I did manage to do for 4 months I guess).

It’s easier I think for me because of such limited interaction (I found the daily interaction exhausting) although the tension of knowing I could see her at any point is difficult to deal with.

I’m sure one day even with her in the office I will build some immunity to her, but I won’t if I keep craving contact however long I manage NC for, and I think that’s what I really need to hammer home ie contact can never ever be a good thing.

@ Ryan Duke…

I completely relate to everything you are experiencing. The urges become overwhelming but I get so tired of the high-low feelings I experience from LO that I am resisting more and more. My situation is a little different in that I do have daily interaction with LO because of work. I wonder if that is better or worse? I’m wondering if when you feel that urge if you can do something less intense than one on one lunch and maybe do a 15 min wander to her location just for light chit chat? Lunch is a pretty big interaction so maybe there is lesser fixes if the urge becomes overwhelming?

For me, I notice that my emotions follow a cycle if I engage with LO. First is the fix, then the low and anger, then comes a bit of self pity, then the resolve to be LC. After a few weeks of LC the resolve softens, our work interactions get more warm, and I eventually succumb to the urge for personal interactions. Maybe a work outing alone, or longer conversation in my office, or a few after work hours texts. That will go on for a day or two and then the crash a few days later when I don’t get the reciprocation I crave. Wash, rinse, repeat. I just need to push through the urge but it is seemingly getting easier, and though I still desire LO greatly and still suffer from a lot of intrusive thoughts, my emotions are more even and controlled.

I just view limerence as a looooong recovery and I just need to stick it out and manage it as best as possible.

Thanks Speedwagon. I have not disclosed and unlikely ever will do. If I knew she was leaving the company I might be tempted to disclose but realistically she’s going to be at the company for a minimum of another 3 years if not longer.

She worked directly for me for a while sitting next to me and once Limerence struck I was all over the place. I don’t think she ever knew although I am sure the thought crossed her mind that I might like her.

She shared lots of personal information with me and was a ‘damsel in distress’. She was always moving departments in August and so given office layout the only ever times I see her is in the kitchen (maybe once a week max).

After four months of limited contacted I couldn’t resist the need for a dopamine hit (especially as work has been really stressful recently) and emailing her for a lunch. I Immediately regretted it as soon as I did it.

I now feel like I’m starting all over again, but I guess with Christmas etc soon it will be only be one relapse in 5 months ( I would never message her out of office hours) but I know one day not far from now I’ll get another urge to get that dopamine hit. Let’s just hope next time my rational brain rules over my Limerent brain.