Not to mention the initial use of a therapist is a crap-shoot anyway, because sometimes it takes a lot of wasted time and money before you even find a therapist with experience in healing from infidelity. I have encountered many therapists claiming they have experience with relationships affected by affairs, just to find out after the first or second session that they are clueless when it comes to dealing with infidelity.

Well Nolongerlim I took the course and I can tell you it’s worth every cent it cost. Dr L did a great job with the course and thanks to him and this community I am well on my way to total peace after going on Six years of pure Hell.
Through the course I realized without TOTAL NC one can not get well.
Also DrL has a great new book. Be sure a get it as well.

I agree, the cost of the course is very reasonable, especially considering the time it took to develop it and the time to run and monitor the blog and website that is an important additional [and free] resource to the course.

I think you did the best thing not encouraging him and you shouldn’t feel bad or think you’re being rude. Your entitled not to answer if you don’t want to and he should get the message and leave it at that – respect what you want. You’ll be feeling worse because he’s back in your head but stop the contact again and you’ll get back to where you were. Just think of it as a blip and remember how much better you felt when he wasn’t in your thoughts. You can do it again.

Great, thanks Dr L.

@Royce, we exchanged a few pleasantries and at each turn of the conversation I gave no opening to keep the conversation going, but he kept asking me questions and I haven’t replied for 6 days now. I wonder if I’m being rude. I wouldn’t like it if people did that to me. Maybe it’s all for the best, but I’m feeling worse.

Midlifer, you hit the nail on the head, coasted along happily for the first 20 years was also our marriage. I have to say this is by far the most challenging thing we’ve come across as a couple.
My limerence was also a massive wake up call with loud alarm bells clanging, our marriage was in trouble and we didn’t even notice.
I must say keeping dialogue open with my SO has been very comforting for me, I can feel the tentacles of limerence loosening its grip on my life each day as I get a better understanding of why I am feeling what I am feeling. We are making more private time together (a hard one since I still have young children at home) touching, talking and laughing. I can already see a big difference just in one week, it’s almost like I am becoming “immune” to LO’s sparkle or the very least his sparkle is having less of an impact on my life. Feeling quite triumphant, not overly cocky but quietly confident.

It’s sounds like you’re handling it like a pro, Lee-Anne! Just getting past that resistance to disclosure and then opening up can be transformative. Suddenly it’s you and SO as a team again, facing the challenges together.