You are alone on this journey, be prepared, it will hurt much, but
you’re on your way to freedom.

Quote for those going No Contact:

“My silence means I am tired of fighting and now there’s nothing left to fight for. My silence means I am tired of explaining my feelings to you, but now I don’t have the energy to explain them anymore. My silence means I have adapted to the changes in my life and I don’t want to complain. My silence means I am on a self healing process and I am trying to forget everything I ever wanted from you. My silence means I am just trying to move on gracefully with all my dignity.”( Aarti Khuran)

When you go through difficult times, make sure you pass the test. Don’t be stubborn and hardheaded. Recognize that God is refining you, knocking off some of your rough edges. Stand strong and fight the good fight of faith. You’re called to be champions, you’re destined to win. Courage and blessings.

Right now, I limited checking his WhatsApp status to twice a day. So far so good! How can someone not check WhatsApp for 5 days!!!! he does… maybe because he’s older!!! I wish I was as chilled and laid back… I’m also using an addiction app to keep track of when I initiate texting. Ironically, I never thought I would ever be addicted. SO makes fun of how disciplined I am in general, I run in snow, ice…. I have much more sympathy for addicts after this. I am humbled for sure.

Ha ha yes I harbour a fear that LO might have read my posts and guessed who I am… LO sometimes seems to know more than I have explicitly said.. eeek!

“Can I just have him as friend where I vent and get creative at work with him (which we do) without the obsession?”
I wish for exactly that too! This site seems to imply no but I have not given up even though I probably should. Especially since I suspect my LO has already decided “no” for both of us darn it. Which just fuels my limerence more.

As you have already said, getting to grips with the fantasising is key. But I enjoy that too much so my every attempt at curbing it fails eventually.

Allie,

I wish I knew what Limerence is few months ago. I would have definitely stopped it before it got here. I actually enjoyed our friendship more when I was in control and not looking for more. I can even pinpoint the glimmer moment down do the day. I have the same challenge; do I really want it to end? I’ve never felt this way all my life. I always struggled with one sided crushes, and I finally got reciprocation. How do I let that go? I love my job as well and I’m new after staying at home for 8 years. It’s also a very close commute which allows me more flexibly to take my kids to sports and such. I’ll keep you posted, you do too!
Limerence makes you feel like you’re the only one in the world struggling. Part me is worried he’s ultimately going to read this. Then I tell myself how he’s not into reading stuff online. I send him articles here and there; he always says he doesn’t have the attention span to get past the abstract (I believe him as I think he has ADHD).
I recently sent him an article about men vs women listening skills and when I asked, he said he read every word and went back and reread some parts (very very strange behavior knowing him)
Some days he’s replying instantly to messages …. Few messages after the rereading message and he stopped replying…. it seems like a pattern. The high I get from seeing him starting to reciprocate!!! is it really worth the low I feel when he abruptly disappears?! I just want our friendship back and want my peace of mind. Can I just have him as friend where I vent and get creative at work with him (which we do) without the obsession?

Hi L&C. I can see so many parallels between your story and mine… married 14 years (at start of LE), an introverted, kind older co-worker LO, a genuine emotional & intellectual connection, occasionally distant LO maintains the boundaries, hot-cold behaviour, etc.

I found this site within 10 days of my limerence starting and am still here 3.5 years later! While I am still in LE, over time the intensity has reduced and my understanding of it smoothes the peaks and troughs a bit. So it will get better over time regardless.

The challenge for me (and maybe for you too?) is actually wanting it to end strongly enough. Ending an LE takes persistent hard work or NC. For me NC is not an option without leaving a job I enjoy but is the only thing that would work I think.

Sorry not to be more positive! I sincerely hope your escape is faster than mine.

You got this! You are already doing a lot of good things. Thoughts of LO in the morning and at night are very common. They are often the first thing on your mind in the morning and the last thing you think about at night. I encourage you to do the right things anyway. No matter how you feel or what you are thinking about, do the right thing. It sounds like you already are. Nice work!

Haha, I’m not sure if I’m looking for a good advice. I guess just to get things off my chest since I have NOONE to talk to about. SO will never understand as he’s in such a good control of his emotions. I have to say with my LO he’s really shy (which in all honesty one of the reasons I’m attracted to him). Something about shy guys… maybe because they’re humble… or they’re a challenge (this sounds evil). Anyways, every time we meet I say this will be our last meeting before the fall but then somehow he schedules another meeting to finish things off. Then we text and text till he abruptly disappears. That’s when I start getting worse till he pulls me back. It’s like a game. A painful one. It hurts as im so disciplined and have a great self control in general. Not this time. I just hope one day I’ll be free from this addiction. I remember pre limerence days and get all sentimental. I am not as shy but im
a nerve reck around him (sometimes).

Lol l, the age gap is because I’m actually 38 (I’m not sure why I said 37, subconsciously I don’t want to get older I guess lol) and he just turned 47 I think I’m actually not sure. We’re both not big on birthdays, they did give him a card where I wrote a joke about how old he is… we’re technically 8 or 9 years apart. I’m in so much better shape because of running so I’m definitely healthier and better looking than he is. He’s also short same height as I am (5’8) which is usually a turn off for me. Not this time… I really think it’s more his personality, sense of humor, a chilled demeanor and just doesn’t care (or pretend) to not care. He always tells me when I complain that (old person advice… you shouldn’t care what others think). I do like his smile and eyes. The connection is mostly based on personalities. I also think I’m trying to react the relationship I never had with my dad in hope to finally fix it. I know I need to get to therapy! It’s my first Limerence in 14 years marriage. I’m torn apart. I go for runs everyday. I have kids to care for. I garden. I have enough things to distract myself. I’ve been coming here whenever the fantasies start. The hardest time is in the morning for some reason. I can’t get myself to leave the bed some days. Very weird for someone who is energetic and full of life.

Hello L and C,

I’m MJ. I’ve been reading your posts. Unlike Speedwagon, Lost in Space and Ms. Lovisa, I do not have an SO. However I am a single Father, divorced, 52yo male going through a midlife crisis LE, with a much younger female co-worker. (She is 28 and single also.) It is pretty much NC by default. (She used to work in the same building as me but switched locations not too long ago)

When/if I do see her anymore, the situation is really no good. There was just a lot of misinterpreting her signals and bad timing on my part. So nothing really ever got off the ground. I’m pretty shy and always got like a deer in headlights around her. So I blame myself, and definitely not happy about it. It has caused me great depression and lows that bring me so down, I almost don’t even feel like going on sometimes.
Yet there was a high point at one time and it was incredible when it happened. LO smiled at me one day and it was like a limerence meteorite, sent by Cupid, that crashed right into me. That was pretty much the moment she glimmered. I swear I’ve never been right since.

I just wanted to check in, say hi and that I can totally relate to the roller coaster of feelings you may experience. I’ll try and respond when I can, but it may not be the best advice.