Single limerent, hi,

Yes! The death of hope is the first, and only thing effective to terminate with limerence. Also , getting LO off the pedestal, instead, seeing them as a real person to stop the fascination. Lastly, stop thinking of “what if” or “what could have been if…”, (it never happened , don’t waste your time); and of course, if they have SOs, think of yourself as being called a “ mate pouching individual “(very derogatory) , it should scare the lights of you…

Best wishes.

Guilty. This is me.

Rebecca,

It sounds like you are deep in your LE. I hope this passes quickly. No one but your LO can answer your questions about the barriers between you. It sounds like your LO is not going to answer those questions either. This is going to be a rough recovery. I hope you pursue purposeful living as soon as possible. Also, a new LO works very well to overcome an existing LE, but proceed with caution. That is the path I took, it got me out of a terrible case of intrusive thoughts about my LO#2.

I really hope you get through your LE quickly. Best of luck!

Yes I think the uncertainty is the key ingredient. I know everytime my LO started saying something that could/ would make the relationship real ( apart from a terrible drunken sex session where I was terrified we’ d get caught) I started to ball. I m pretty sure that if the barriers were removed ( I m in a very happy relationship with someone I adore but am not obsessed with) and I was certain that my LO wanted to be with me : he says he can’ t be in a 3 person relationship , that he wants a real partner and that he can’ t be a homewrecker, that s he s been cheated on before and won’ t do that to my man … But then remains aloof and has refused to have sex with me on other occasions but then tried to have sex with me when he was super drunk. So if he was clear about wanting me and wanting to be with me and I was single I m pretty sure I d go off him instantly. He s not really my type. He keeps me interested with a mix of aloofness and then interest. That s why I didn t leave my lovely partner. If my LO had been a good lay, had expressed desire for me and fought for me , with the strength of my feelings in the begging I could have split up with the father of my children. But he kept telling me I had to leave him first …and then being aloof and then not wanting sex unless he was really drunk. Making me doubt if he fancied me, wanted me…

🙂 It might seem like that, but I’m sure she isn’t. She’s probably just as confused as you and trying to figure out what it all means.

Or she might be cruel, in which case you’re better off ignoring her and concentrating on your own development anyway!

Well, I would do that, but I can’t really when every 5 minutes my LO finds new and cruel ways to torture me…

Hi Anon Lim,
I think there is a danger that if you carry on along this road you could end up in a bad place. It does sound as though your LO has noticed that you are acting a bit strangely around her, and I’m sure it’s really uncomfortable for you, but fuming and feeling persecuted is a recipe for more pain for you. The simple fact is that very few people have the emotional maturity to handle someone having a crush on them in their early teens. I shudder when I remember how I acted around girls that liked me (when I didn’t like them) and girls I liked (who didn’t like me).

The best way through it is to focus on yourself, developing your self esteem and developing your purposeful life. The best way to manage that is to focus on self-development. What kind of man do you want to be? What do you want to do with your life?

Developing yourself is also the best way to become more attractive to others (friends and LOs). It also beats the hell out of letting other people’s behaviour dictate your choices and ruin your mood.

It wasn’t anything bad, just a statement.

I was standing at the door of the class waiting for the bell, so I could finally get away from there for the day. I sometimes get paranoid when I turn my back, that she is watching me. But this time, she really was. She was talking to her friend and I’m not sure what led to the subject of ‘me’, but LO just started saying:

“Look, he’s just standing there waiting” and then some other stuff to that effect. It doesn’t sound bad but I felt like I had no protection, no distraction and I was helpless. Most of all, it felt like she was trying to hurt me by trying to get a reaction from me. And damn it, it hurt.

A big part is the uncertainty (why was she talking about me?) and, as ever, how she said it so normally (a bit on the ‘sounding like an insult’ side, though, as if she were saying I was some sad person just standing there with no friends). I’m sure she knows what she’s doing to me, to some extent.

I think that was the angriest I’d ever been.