It could be limerence.

https://livingwithlimerence.com/what-is-limerence/

Here is a test you can take to find out.

https://livingwithlimerence.com/are-you-a-limerent/

Good luck!

Is It Limerance after rejecting her 11 years ago for an irreconcilable situation (She did something i could not forgive) then she made more fuc*ups. I don’t pedestalize her at all, i know her faults but still, have strong feelings. ???

“A man or woman suffering from limerence is in a constant state of compulsory longing for another person,” Wakin tells me over the phone. “It doesn’t matter if their affection is returned; nothing will satiate their need for emotional reciprocation.”

https://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/advice/a6341/love-sick/

I think he’s just a weird guy who thinks being madly in love is a disorder.

In his paper, what he actually says is that limerence is problematic and impairing, and in his symptoms, he includes “impairs relationships.” He says:

“Since L’s behavior is continually recalibrated, LO’s
responsive feedback is correspondingly altered, resulting in more uncertainty and
anxiety, ultimately perpetuating the overall cycle.”

He is saying limerent people are too clingy and push LO away.

In that Marie Claire article he also says this:

“In healthy relationships, these hormone levels go back to normal after roughly six to 24 months, but a person suffering from limerence is stuck in the infatuation stage,” says Wakin. “Such intense, relentless emotions can cause heart palpitations, shortness of breath, loss of sleep, and aching in the chest or abdomen, until he or she can barely function on a day-to-day basis.” Typically, someone will fixate on one person for three to five years before transferring their obsession onto someone new, but Wakin has patients who have suffered from limerence toward one person for as long as 60 years.

But that’s not a real thing, and he has never published any research nor offered any evidence at all for why he thinks this sort of thing.

Limerence only goes on and on when it’s unrequited or ambiguous, and Tennov thought that in general it dissipates once a relationship starts.

If infatuation sustains in a relationship, Helen Fisher would just call this long-term romantic love: https://helenfisher.com/romantic-love-can-it-last/

If you read Wakin’s stuff carefully, he is just a typical nonlimerent who goes around characterizing passion as ruining relationships.

Oh Adam, you flatter me. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement.

If limerent feelings are reciprocated and mutual but barriers exist to an ecstatic union then it would appear that limerent distress can occur and persist. Maybe this is because the barriers to union create uncertainty in some form?

If rejection happens, but a person cannot go no contact then limerent distress can occur and persist. I believe this is due to the limerent mind creating it’s own uncertainty in the presence of LO even in the midst of previous clear rejection. I believe this is the situation I find myself in currently with my LE.

I find the psychological make up of limerence and the act of trying to categorize and define it fascinating.

Welcome Julia.

Yes this site is quite helpful. And Miss Lovisa is a blessing here as she always knows the right thing to say. She has helped me countless times since I found this place myself. And everyone else here is always ready to listen when you need to get something off your chest. Hopefully you will find the answers you seek.

Welcome Julia!

Yes, it is common for people to read this website when they are trying to redirect their focus away from their LO. It helped me a lot. Instead of contacting my LOs, I came here to interact with the LwL community.

Good luck on your journey to recovery!
-Lovisa

So ok, I am a limerenece, but now I get addicted to read this website as well! 😀 Is this a natural process as well? 🙂

Anyway, it is really good to know that I am not alone and thank you very much for the support which I get throght these writes and comments!

But, it won’t get treated under “Limerence.”

Limerence is not listed in any of the DSMs (some of the older DSMs have appendices for proposed disorders that were never formally adopted).

This article says “Treatment approaches for this case were adapted from those used for anxiety disorders such as OCD.

However, limerence is in many ways distinct from OCD. While most with OCD have little ability to tolerate uncertainty, for BW, uncertainty was a driving force of the limerence…

Additionally, a standard diagnosis of limerence does not yet exist, as it does not appear in the DSM-V. Finally, assessments of both the behavioral and cognitive symptoms of limerence were self-reported by BW and therefore subject to reporting bias and possible placebo effect.” – https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8641115/#:~:text=Additionally%2C%20a%20standard%20diagnosis%20of,bias%20and%20possible%20placebo%20effect.

That implies therapists are quite possibly treating the wrong disorder. Personally, I’m a fan of Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD) (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK559325/), especially as described by Martin Kantor; and Self-Defeating Personality Disorder (aka Masochistic Personality Disorder). (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/freud-fluoxetine/201903/masochistic-personality-disorder-time-include-in-dsm). LO #2 could have fallen under either of those.

One therapist told me that insurance companies prefer the most specific diagnosis the therapist is willing to provide. None of the therapists I talked to knew anything about AvPD and SDPD. Another told me that they’re reluctant to code someone as a Borderline, Narcissist, or Anti-social even when they think they are. Cluster Bs can get mean and diagnostic codes can follow someone a long time if they’ve been reported to an insurance company.

I think the mental illness side of the debate gets more focus because people don’t care about limerence when everything is going well. They only care when they are suffering from unrequited love. Other forms of mental illness can also cause unrequited love to be more painful and last longer.

That suffering can also be billed to insurance if it is described as a mental illness.