This medley feels perfect for the occasion:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFXr-1tZT14

https://youtu.be/Bx-ZZbBDzGI
It is self hypnosis ‘love removal process’. (Sounds like rubbish I know). I have never had hypnosis before so can not comment on if it actually is hypnosis. I would however describe my experience of using it as as a visualisation for putting thoughts and feelings into the past and gives a sense of a a new version of yourself emerging. If there is one thing us limerents are good at its visualisation!! It lasts an hour, I made sure I was in a quiet place at a time when there was going to be no disturbances. I have listened to the audio clip a few times (on head phones) each time over a few weeks, it becomes more effective. However I then went a few weeks without doing this and was back in a low state, obsessively limerenting again. So I went back to the hypnosis again. After listening to it a few times I now know the process and have been able to do it without listening to the audio and in 10-20 mins with similar effect. I also found the most helpful time was after I had been swimming (physically tired and let go of built up anxiety) and then did the visualisation in the sauna, so I was in a really relaxed physical and mental state. I’m going to keep doing this 1-2x a week as it really has helped. The only tweek I have done to the process is that near the end it talks you through seeing a version of yourself with LO, I found this unhelpful as my brain want to be limerent again! So instead I visualise a strong, confident, relaxed, balance and happy version of myself with my SO. I also think the process could be used to put any unpleasant events/thoughts/worries into the past not just limerence. I haven’t tried this yet but I will try to use the technique to build my confidence too.

The other problem with limerence I have found is that when I’m battling to push thoughts out of my mind it feels like a mental battle and I’m left with a feeling of the thought is ‘floating around the back of my head like a grey cloud’ trying not to acknowledge it, sort of pushed away but building up a sense of high anxiety. So the other technique I am using through the day when it’s not practical to sit and do a visualisation eg at work is a mindfulness technique. In mindfulness you attempt to focus on the present moment ask yourself ‘what can I hear, see, touch, in this exact moment’ and if a thought comes into my mind not to force it away but to acknowledge it’s there, say it’s ok to be there and then focus again on the present moment. This can be done in seconds.

I’d also recommend a book the chip paradox by Steve Peters (someone mentioned it in earlier post), I don’t have much time for reading so I downloaded as audio book. This too has been helpful.
I hope these help I would love to hear from anyone who tries them
Good luck x

In contrast to LO#2’s parting shot:

“You told me I had the potential to go through life as a very unhappy person (true). I hate you for that.”

In her goodbye, LO #4 said, “I don’t wish you any ill-will.”

How kind of her….

To your point Vincent yes SO would come out too as we would rent out our house in uk and move together.
SO and LO will definitely meet as there will be no other initial social friends. They have never met before and I have never disclosed to SO. She just knows I have a colleague who has also got a job in the same company.

Your right I can’t not take the job as it’s a lifetime opportunity. Means I have to be stronger. I have been ok for the last 3 weeks. But that’s with NC. Been tough but can see light now.

Will have to use the new job to stay distracted from LO. I guess my concern is that as she will be single there and I may see her meet someone and I will have to witness that. Guess that could happen if we were still in existing work place. But I guess I feel she will be more vulnerable as on her own in new country.

Anyway. Job is amazing and I have to be strong and rise above all of this. We are a bundle of our thoughts so really it’s all about substitution of thoughts from LO to other things that make me feel good.

The uncertainty can get worse during no contact, but the thing is – it doesn’t actually matter whether or not LO reciprocated. I know our limerent brains are desperate to know, but Scharnhorst’s point about “what would you do with that knowledge?” is a good one. Knowing for sure won’t even necessarily help (it could make it worse), and it doesn’t change the fundamental fact that for most of us, LO is someone we should not or cannot be with.

I think the key thing to remember is that No Contact is a purposeful decision that you made for a good reason. It’s fine to think back fondly about LO and hope that they are doing well, as long as you maintain the clarity that NC is best for everyone.

@ Kevin

NC has been very mixed so far. I’ve definitely made progress but there has regularly been 2 steps forward, 1 back. I’ve gone through anger, depression, denial so far. I think I’m in the bargaining stage of grief now. My mind thinks why don’t you meet up to clear the air? She was obviously in the office yesterday hoping to bump into me (my mind thinks), and she’s checked me out on social media so she’s feeling this breakup too and maybe we’d both feel better if we talked it out. I have to bring myself to my senses and remember it’s my brain looking for a way out of NC.

On the upside me and my SO are miles better together. The fun and flirting has come back and we’re getting on well. It doesn’t stop me thinking about LO, the heart still flutters when there’s some mention of her. It feels like a long, slow process but I’m still winning. Just.

On your dilemma- wow! If you take the job you’ll end up closer to her for sure. Would your SO move with you? If so you’ll have to introduce her to LO as your worlds will collide out there. There’s no chance they won’t. Maybe that event will pop the bubble for you anyway. You can’t not take the job just because of LO though. You’d regret it.

@Scharnhorst
All the best to you and your son. Hope whatever you hear is for the best.

Will try list of LOs negative traits – that was easier to do when I saw him every week.

Addict analogy useful in some respects, but personally brought up fond memories of LO showing me how to label Methadone prescriptions on the new system in a cosy corner of the dispensary… less than helpful!

Still trying to identify some of the voids. I’ve filled some, but changing my job (having done 14years with one company in various different locations and roles) left just as big a void as going NC with LO. I think the LE has been helpful in highlighting the voids in my marriage.

Some useful advice there. Just need to keep going!

“Anyway your point is valid that she maybe liked me too but was being practical and is now herself trying for NC to being back perspective – guess i will never know”

But, if you’re inclined, you can still get no small amount of mileage from that. That little dopamine button in your head doesn’t care how it gets pressed. Depending on what your LO told you over time, that thought can be pretty intense.

When I disclosed, LO #4 said she was “…flattered and might even be curious but circumstances are what they are.”

When I accused her of having a dismissive style, she came back with, “Based on what you said, I thought it best not to respond to certain things.” I went after that and I was very direct. In her goodbye, she brought it up and said, “I don’t like how that feels.” I don’t know what she didn’t like about it. I left that one on the table.

When she said goodbye, she said the didn’t think “…continuing to correspond would be appropriate.” She shot the elephant in the room by bringing my wife into the conversation, It was the first time she’d ever directly mentioned my wife. In the 5 years we’d known each other, she never once challenged what I’d said and I got pretty pushy a few times. It had less to do with the content than it did with my status as a married man.

3 months ago, I got a shotgun email from her and asked her to delete my old account, I thanked her and wished her a happy birthday. I got back, “You’re welcome and thank you!”

Last month, I sent her an email congratulating her on the 10th anniversary of her business, I never got a reply. Later, when I checked her business FB page, she posted about the anniversary. She responded to all the well-wishers. One of the responses said the didn’t remember until a former site member emailed and reminded me. I presume that member was me.

My (largely) post-LE brain had a field day. I’d like to know what she thinks but that defaults back to the question, “What would you do with that knowledge if you had it?” Nothing’s changed that would make corresponding appropriate, again. Whatever the reason, it’s pretty clear she doesn’t intend to re-open the acquaintance.

But, when I’m in the waiting room with my son, it makes pleasant distraction from what I’m going to hear when we go in.