I only had one platonic male friend prior to meeting my husband. He was actually the one that introduced us. He disowned us both a while after, and refused an invite the wedding.

Yeah, it’s wise to steer clear of platonic friendships of the opposite sex if you’re prone to limerence. Although this is my first LE, I believe I am prone to more. Good idea- keeping it straight laced.

Yes.

I think I had limerence for a young woman back in my 20’s that I fell for pretty hard. She was way above my pay grade, but I grew up with her since my teens as we went to the same church together and our parents were friends. Then one day she wasn’t just a childhood friend she was a beautiful woman. I obviously didn’t know about limerence back then but in hindsight I think it was a LE.

“Also, do you have platonic female friends?”

No not really. I small talk with my now female co-workers but I keep it pretty straight laced. Being that LO was a co-worker I am extra cautious with them.

I try to consciously (other than my wife’s family) avoid “too friendly” female contact. I inherently find it much easier, and find most in common, with women, so it is very easy for it to get out of hand. My sister in law came to visit some months back and she brought a friend of hers and we all went out bar hopping together and I found myself having to pull back because she checked off all the boxes in my, as my wife calls it, “damn rescue complex”. So I tend to steer clear of attempted platonic female friendships for my wife’s sake.

On the opposite side of the coin I would have no issue with my wife having male platonic friends. I may not trust most members of my gender but I trust her.

@creepylimerent

I sent a series of pretty crazy messages to LO2 at the height of limerence, but she didn’t run away, so don’t lose hope! She definitely went quiet for a while after I sent them but then in fact it kind of re-instigated contact and we became ‘friends’. There were various twists and turns afterwards until I eventually managed to gradually disengage in a more stable manner a couple of years later, when I had myself better under control. Eventually she actually cut contact as I guess I was no longer really even being a good ‘friend’, although I didn’t tell her why I did it.

I think LOs who you know well, if they are decent people, and mostly they are (a) don’t think about you as much as you do (b) do actually care about you. I hope and want to believe that most likely it’s definitely weird for him, but not a huge issue, he feels sorry for you (as shameful as that might be for you), and he hopes that he hasn’t hurt you or led you on and thinks reduced contact might help you ‘get better’. I obviously don’t know the ins and outs, but don’t be too hard on yourself.

CL

We all wish (or at least most) feel like we want to be talented and likable in the light of our LO. Any negative response or diversion of attention from us as the limerent pierces like a spear. I use to think, “even if I were single what would she want with an old man like me when she could have any young stud she wanted”. Damn limerence.

I would buy the “office” breakfast or get coffee at her favorite coffee shop for the “office” just to hear a “thank you” with a smile. And I just stand there “kicking rocks” with a “aww shucks”. I know what you mean. It is debilitating and embarrassing all at the same time. The whole office knew Adam had a crush on her. They all saw right through my “generous acts” that they really were all for her.

Thank you. I don’t know what my writing style is, but thank you. Keep at you resolve to distance yourself. I know social media is the devil. I have to keep away from it myself. It is so easy with just one click. You can do this.

Thanks Lovisa, checking it out now. Honestly finding it really difficult to read anything at the moment. 😢

Although maybe lucky that he was willing to move past those messages, I had no control over that. If you see any of my posts here for the past 3 weeks, I was convinced that we would never speak again and that there was no come back from this. Him reaching out was a bonus but the healing process didn’t depend on that because I didn’t think it would happen.

My lessons from this were
– I can’t control the response/situation/future
-I can only control myself and because I couldn’t trust what I would say, I have to keep my distance
-I was convinced that life would be boring without LO and that I was missing out if I didn’t speak to him. I no longer feel so strongly about this. I like his company and our conversations, but I’m not going to do anything drastic in the hope I see him, or because I think it will get his attention (progress)
– I want to be present for my family, and that means trying to take control of my thoughts.
-Some trust in LO has been damaged by this recent experience, and although feeling hurt, it helps me keep my guard up.
-signing up to Dr L’s emails were helpful and timely. Reading posts and comments on here helps but only up until the point before it becomes consuming.
-I joined the gym and feel good about focussing on my physical and mental wellbeing

My subconscious is fighting back though, as I had a romantic dream last night about him. One of the only ones I remember having. I still feel committed to the cause though and to healing. Time to regain control of our own lives again.

This too shall pass.

Of course you objectified him. He is your limerent OBJECT. Objectification is in the title.

WhoompThereItIs, you’re lucky your LO was able to forgive you for your messages. I am sure your messages must not have been so insane and crazy as mine were. I am 100% sure my LO will never talk to me again. Just you, I also realize cant be friends with my LO.

People always complain- men objectify women. I objectified my LO. I blamed my feelings on him. I was delusional, thinking he felt the same way, simply because he is friendly. I was angry because thought he was playing mind games with me..

It’s probably a good thing he thinks less about me than I do about him. I analyzed every interaction with him.. I would hate to think he did the same with me.

Sometimes you have to accept someone else’s choice even though it will hurt you more than they will ever know.

Skip forward over two weeks, LO reached out to me and we ended up chatting. Nothing was mentioned about those messages and it was a lighthearted conversation. I feel better but I have got to the point whereby I won’t instigate contact as I did before and I am putting less pressure on it. Definitely no texts. May be guilty of sending a work related message earlier but not too bothered by that.

I feel like I’ve let a lot of the limerence go, and I feel less intense for the moment.

For you, perhaps this had to happen for you to have a period of growth and reflection, and know that your feelings will subside or at least won’t feel as intense as they feel now. As my friend says, he is thinking about you much less than you are thinking about him (ouch bit true). You can only move onwards from this now.