https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyHkKUcrgq4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JkLimZnZAs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WdfgoDKArzM

OT: For those of you who can’t remember a time before cell phones, pay attention to Tony Robert’s character. That was life then.

Oh man, he isn’t a nice guy. Please, trust me on that one. Also make a point in the future of telling him to remove his hand after he’s left it there longer than social niceties require. Firmly. In a clear voice. He is abusing his position and the fact that he’s doing it sneakily underscores that he’s not treating you like a colleague or with even the slightest bit of respect.

He’s marking his territory and he’s putting it into your head that it’s okay and to not mention it to your husband. You should. He’s tearing your husband down in a smarmy manner because he’s doing this behind his back (and his wife’s).

“He also told me I was his friend and could call him on the weekend or evening or text.”

No – please – step away. He’s grooming you to become his dirty little secret and his wife is quite possibly unaware. Or if she is aware that he’s not inclined to being faithful to her, that doesn’t mean you and your husband signed up for that role.

In addition, even if you do want to discuss the “open marriage” option – don’t do it and then have at it with THIS man. You discuss open marriage with your spouse LONG before you set your cap for an individual.

He’s bad news. Also consider that others in your work environment aren’t unaware of what he’s doing, or how you’re responding and that may also inhibit your career. Is your company large enough that you can go to HR and ask for a lateral transfer without it raising alarm bells?

I’m not suggesting you’re doing anything wrong. This guy is accustomed to getting away with this behavior. Now may or may not be the time to tilt that particular windmill. Get away from it to the best of your ability. Enlist your spouse as your ally. Tell him that your supervisor makes you feel uncomfortable (not a lie!) and you are looking for a new position.

Hey, wouldn’t it be nice to get away with Mr. Touchy-Feely-Entitlement AND land something that pays more? Plus open the lines of communication with your spouse?

*crosses fingers*

To the women in the story above, you are in danger. I am in my own fog but see you are one step away from PA.

Help –

Do you have someone in your life with a lot of narcissistic tendencies? Parent or parents, perhaps? I’m not suggesting he has NPD but that he may be behaving in ways that feel “like home” to you in some manner. (I posted the info down the page).

“…and see how he loves attention yet this push pull dynamic draws me in. He is in authority over me too.”

This may be crossing the line into an abuse of his authority. At the very least, it’s UNKIND. He knows you are interested in him, he’s unavailable or uninterested but he’s stringing you along AND he is your supervisor/boss. That’s really bad. It may also be holding you back at work. Maybe you will get a mediocre performance review (individual is too distracted [all the while doing things to KEEP you distracted] to focus properly on the task at hand, etc.) or even prevent you from getting a raise or a better job.

Is there any way you can get a lateral transfer, if not a promotion or different job? Weeping this much is a sign that you’re going past the point of endurance.

Now may not be the best to figure out why you are so taken by him. Now may be the best time to remove yourself from the situation, stop spinning like a gyroscope and then figure out what you found so captivating.

If you’re shooting yourself in the foot, stop – THEN seek medical attention. Toss the gun too.

https://emedicine.medscape.com/article/1519417-overview#a1

I would say that CL would do well to focus on the double betrayal that is going on with DF. You don’t betray a friend with their spouse. Don’t do it because you can’t un-ring that bell. If your feelings don’t collapse upon themselves with that thought, then consider your pride. Is this how you want to end one relationship and enter a new one?

If that doesn’t cool your ardor, then you have a lot more baggage to unpack.

Have you looked for a therapist who specializes in trauma? PTSD? If you can find one and the therapist is a ‘good fit’ this could make your life significantly better and give you even more skills for coping with troubles in life. I’d say grief but this seems like a situation that may need more than that as its focus.

I’m really sorry.

“We work at my kids school so it is quite complicated.”

Ack! That situation is like visiting Chernobyl and ditching protective gear. So hard on you, I know.

” I also feel there are men and women who can manipulate hurting and vulnerable people to supply their egos.”

You’re too right about that and you’re floundering in a sea of hormones and mixed signals coming from your brain and possibly from someone else and the whole thing is like entering H.H. Holmes’s hotel, so to speak.

Yes I hope so too. My situation is complicated and I don’t want to share too much in public. Yes it could blow up so I probably won’t tell. This started last August in the midst of my grieving for my mom. It has messed with my brain chemistry and I feel out of control. I hate it yet there is a longing. Everyone says it is about me, not him. I think that is true. I also see this as a huge temtation that has walked in my life. We work at my kids school so it is quite complicated. I pray everyone including me gets the help they need. I know a relationship with him would blow lives up. I feel past trauma is being dug up by this. It is a horrible up and down roller coaster I would wish on nobody. Ever. I also feel there are men and women who can manipulate hurting and vulnerable people to supply their egos. Most people did not seek this. I am praying mine passes and I don’t do anything more stupid than I already have.

“I feel like I need to tell boss so he becomes more boundaried.”

I wouldn’t do that because it may not work out the way you envision. You could find yourself fired if you work in an “at will” state. Plus you can’t make someone else responsible for your feelings or actions. Can you literally get a little distance from him when you do have meetings?

“I need to go cry right now.”

I hope that it makes you feel a bit better afterward and you find yourself needing to cry less frequently as the year rolls on.

I’m so happy for you Irene!