Yes C4Cat, exactly this. You are very naturally articulate in your posts!
My guesstimate of my LOs view of me hopefully didnt come across as arrogant or overly self-confident ( I fear), far from it. My view is now very different than what I thought/felt a few months ago following reflection and reading here on LwL. Originally, as LE took off I firmly believed we both felt a deep immediate connection, love at first sight, star-crossed lovers that can never be, burning fire desire, he must be wanting me the way I want him, and so it goes on. I’m now more aware that was my crazy LE and not his perspective.
And yes ‘weird’ is exactly the word I used to apologise for some of my ardent behaviour to LO. All consuming for me, probably fun life-affirming encounters for him.
If only they knew the turmoil we are actually in eh?!!

I definitely think you’re on to something here, C for cat.

That sounds quite a healthy way to look at it, IMHO! I’m trying to look at my LO like that too – that he was attracted to me and maybe felt something but it’s much more ‘out of sight, out of mind’ for him and he’s moved on, whether that’s back to his SO or to the other women he flirts with.

I think sometimes non-limerents say things that us they don’t necessarily mean as they’re caught up in the flattering zip and zing of mutual attraction. It doesn’t seem like a big thing to them but to us as limerents it is EVERYTHING. Then they think we’re weird for getting so upset when it fizzles out.

@IMHO

Wow, I admire your self-confidence and beliefs in your LO’s affection for you.

Now, would you enlighten me a little bit how your Sensor LO is actually living in a great/grounded life? in what specific ways? You see/know them through your Intuitive 👁️ or by the enjoyable “banters”? How to become a Grounded Sensor?

Since young almost always, I could immediately sense an insecurity on a face of Sensor or Narc, even just having encountered them for 5-15 seconds. I was told or self-confessed or proven afterwards that my intuitions were mostly accurate. Each time, I distrusted my “bizarre” intuition (p & n), a huge mistake was made!

However, now I’ve realized that my Intuition has been messed up in this LE, making me helplessly ruminating what’s in my head vs. in reality, even when after red flags, negative facts were given throughout 6 years. My dark fantasy of the Sensor LO sometimes makes me feeling a real nausea or skipping a heart beat….

Good luck in your aspiration to be a Grounded Sensor!

Agree Frederico !

Hello @C4Cat . You wrote….
“I just wish I knew whether he is avoiding contact because he cares or because he doesn’t care. For some reason that makes a big difference.”
A perfect summation of the quandary many of us are in! I applied NC recently, and of course all I did was wonder if he missed me/does he care.
I’m trying to objectively make an educated assessment of my LOs view of me. Here goes….
He likes me and I think maybe moderately attracted to me (and other females who fit his type. I look quite a bit like his SO) he enjoys the banter and our similar interests & if/when we meet f2f he makes the most of that time to enjoy my company and our chemistry for what it is, no more. If I dropped dead tomorrow he would probably be upset but would get over it quite quickly and remember me fondly from time to time.
He is a grounded in the real world – a Sensor actually living a great life. I am an Intuitive stuck in fantasy land (are all limerents Intuitives ?)

I’m trying to lighten up a bit, see this LE more objectively, and be more grounded in reality. Be more Sensor ?! This is actually it..I basically want my personality and life to be more like my LOs. I aspire him

Thank you Snowphoenix. I never considered what other effects could come as a result. I will keep it in mind. Because I am very anti-medication and not trying to get on anything meds.

@MJ,

Frequent anxiety/panic attack can be very detrimental to physical health, even if one is young and not psychosomatic.

My worst panic attack in May 2019, induced by abandonment melange, which was triggered by the current LO’s a small but “cold” deed, and which I believe, contributed to a rapid worsening of an existing, mild thyroiditis of the time. In about 4 months, it silently changed into lymphoma in the thyroid and neck, which wasn’t even picked up by sonograms. Fortunately in May 2020 in the lockdown, they were all surgically removed by chance (no one knew the existence of the lymphoma) before it spread out. I’ve been doing well under the regular monitoring.

Please do not ignore panic attacks (small or big), and find some effective, self-reliable means, eg. Meditations, Yoga, or other body works, to reduce and stop severe anxiety or panic attacks immediately after its onset. My “new” daily meditation, combined with 3 kinds just 5 weeks ago, can now stop a bad anxiety attack in 30-60 seconds. I do not take any prescribed medications, all of which give my highly sensitive body unbearable side-effects.

Good luck!

My whole day kinda went to hell fast. I think I was doing somewhat better with LC from LO lately, but today, the bottom fell out.

LO was back in the building today, verifying her inventory numbers and catching up with her friends. I haven’t been this up close to her in months. She’s just as shimmery, glimmery beautiful as I remember. With her stylish boots on and all the bling on top. My mind turned to total mush seeing her. Of course the timing was impeccable, like always and I had to be on the floor doing my job, so I couldn’t get actually get to her, but she noticed me. I heard her voice, watched her converse with her friends and spent the day swirling in rumination, giddiness, and sorrow. Just feeling so many emotions. Think I may have had a few panic attacks later on, as I was feeling those same euphoric highs again that she always brings on when I see her. But then I crash because nothing ever happens.

I really didn’t plan any of this. It’s crazy because she feels so much like an ex girlfriend but I know she isn’t. Sometimes I really hate these feelings and then sometimes I wish I didn’t even have my job. My life would probably be a whole lot easier without LO in it..

C for Cat, good luck when you have to see LO again. I wish I could tell you it’s easy, but it’s not.

@cfc, @adam @Nisor

A caring LO could tell limerent in LE a positive white-lie, or a negative black-truth, which one you are you willing to believe or accept?

A non-caring Sensor or Narc LO will tell us nothing or whatever you want to hear, keeping us in limbo and drawing fuel from LE, then what are you going to do?

In general, wishing to live in others’ rosy-glassed eyes, especially LO’s irritable, dazzling gazes, will doom us to LE or other relational sufferings…. Can we become more “selfish” in taking a good care of our own mental and emotional health — cultivating more independent joys and happiness (through work, creativity, SO, family, etc), which would first benefit us and then those we care for, including unfit or unavailable LOs as human beings?

“Yes C for cat, I think the same way, it makes a difference if you knew if they care or not, that way you can decide if to forget about them all together (erase them from your mind), or keep a good memory of them. It’s for our peace of mind.”

If we could “erase them from your mind” none of us would be here……