I would have to say it is limerence if the obsession/infatuation has persisted for days and weeks. You mention you have never met the person, because you were shy. You feel regret, remember what they look like and that they glimmer. This can be common for the limerent. Limerence can occur without ever meeting someone. In your case, I think it depends on the severity of how often you are thinking of them, which you do not mention.

Distractions? LO is a distraction. But the Yellowstone trip was nice. Lots of buffalo. Buffalo burgers are good. I found a really good brand vodka. Time to leave before I regret saying something. Momma I love you.

Miss Lovisa where have you been!?!?!

I was there exactly 50 years ago.

I was 17 and instead of going on our usual fishing trip to Canada, my father insisted we do a trip out west. He wanted me to attend the University of Colorado so he built the trip around visiting it.

We did Yellowstone and Glacier National Parks on the trip. We would have done Mt. Rushmore but we ran out of time.

We’ve been there LE. 😉

My sister took us after my Mama passed away and we flew to sister’s home to visit with her. Our youngest wasn’t quite 2 yet, and there’s video of the trip, that was 15 years ago.

“I’ve got 2 plus years worth of limerence that has been all pent up until 6 months ago when I found this place. I got plenty to vent.”

https://www.yellowstonepark.com/things-to-do/geysers-hot-springs/about-old-faithful/

It is pretty cool to see live.

I think the very last thing that haunts me is whether LO left with a positive view of our work relationship. I dunno why, as it is irrelevant right now. She has clearly moved on. I guess it’s how sometimes I wonder what my wife truly thinks about all this. Maybe it’s because I haven’t forgiven myself yet that I think no one else has either.

“And yet it was my own Mother, who prior to her passing, for years, had told me, every Woman has a breaking-point.”

The first article of Dr. L’s I read here was the one directed to the spouse of a limerent. And nothing stuck with me more, contemplating disclosing to my wife, that the time tolerated for the limerent to heal isn’t their’s to choose but the spouse’s choice. I was very scared with what the limerence had done to our marriage prior to even knowing what it was, that she was close to her breaking point. I guess so far she hasn’t reached that point.

” I could save myself one whole, hell of a lot of stress if I could just go over and talk to LO”

Just my perspective; I don’t think that you may even need to address the limerence to LO. At least not right off the bat. You are available and she is available. I can understand the nervousness of approaching a woman much younger, much less as beautiful as you paint her to be. But if you get the chance to talk to her, do just that. Talk and feel her out a bit. Maybe start by asking if she would join you on a company function (if your company has them) after you’ve had a few conversations at work. It would seem less like a date, as there would be other people there and you could talk and get to know each other. You may feel the limerence for her but (probably like LO) she might just recognize you have a crush on her. Just my two cents, but I was terrible at dating myself lol so take it with a grain of salt.

” I guess it’s hard for me to figure out how to simply word it. But it’s truly not just about great sex.”

I never cared for casual sex when I was younger. And probably why a PA has never been truly a really driving temptation. At least in the circumstances the limerence took place in. I can’t say this with confidence, but I surely believe that a deep emotional connection and love for someone makes for far better sex than casual. But being my wife is my first and only I can only say that based on the intensity of our sex life getting deeper and deeper the longer that we have been together. The word you might be looking for is demisexual. And it probably would have been my downfall if LO hadn’t started dating and eventually left.

“You’re helping me and many others who experience these strange emotions, figure out what best to do with them.”

I hope it is as beneficial to the people reading as it is for me to write. I’ve got 2 plus years worth of limerence that has been all pent up until 6 months ago when I found this place. I got plenty to vent.

Your story is so well written Adam. I can tell you have this on your mind all the time. So it’s fantastic you have this forum to write it all down.
I like your story because for you, I see it as a win anyway. Since your wife has been so understanding. And because you and LO departed on good terms. It’s a win in my eyes because at least you got something off the ground with LO and still get to go home with a Wife that loves you. I think about how things might be if I were still married. I’m not too sure by this point, she would have stayed in the game. I put so much bs into our marriage it’s not even funny. I was a selfish prick, that believed she would never get to a breaking-point. And yet it was my own Mother, who prior to her passing, for years, had told me, every Woman has a breaking-point. Point taken Mama, now she is gone..

I guess I’m somewhat jealous of you guys here with SOs, that while you may not have the perfect marriage, (what marriage is perfect?) that at least there is somebody there to go home to at night. I would give anything for that. Or at least know they were in my circle. I could save myself one whole, hell of a lot of stress if I could just go over and talk to LO, but I guess it’s that whole disclosure thing I’m afraid of dancing around that scares me. Plus I’m positive she knows my angle, so like any Dude passing her and staring, (Because she’s simply that hot) she probably assumes I just want in her pants. It’s true I do, but I want to take it to a different level with her and prove I want it to be so much more than just that. I guess it’s hard for me to figure out how to simply word it. But it’s truly not just about great sex. I’m sure it’s a road she would rather avoid. Because I know she is more than just that.

Anyway Adam, just wanted to say keep up the good work and thanks for always coming here to vent. You’re helping me and many others who experience these strange emotions, figure out what best to do with them.

This was the easiest part of limerence for me. I knew I had no intention of ending my marriage to pursue LO romantically. And to be honest, I didn’t really want to. But then again, honestly, I don’t know what I wanted from her other than her attention. So while LO was single when I met her, later on when she met the man she is with now, once I could see that he was good for her it was easy to accept that relationship. But she was also still present there for me, so I felt no loss when she entered a romantic relationship. I knew that she had went through a hard time making sure to take care of her daughter alone after her divorce. So it was in her and her daughter’s best interest to have found someone to help them and grow as a new family together. I couldn’t be happier for them.

“Now, in addition to feeling like shit, you also feel ashamed of the fact that you feel like shit. A nice double-whammy. This is especially true if the limerent or LO are in a long-term relationship, and the limerent has been sort of mentally denying that and pretending that they are living in a bubble universe where reality doesn’t matter and consequences don’t happen.”

Oh I remember those times. The “What if’s” just helping the limerence along. I can imagine even limerents that are available with LO’s that are too, know this feeling too if LO isn’t immediately receiving.

You feel like shit imaging a scenario wherein LO and you are available to each other. But yet at the same time WOW that feeling. It’s like an alcoholic knowing they shouldn’t drink, but still do. You forget feeling like shit for obsessing over another woman not your SO when you have those pleasant daydream scenarios on your mind. It is the cycle of addiction. When drunk/daydreaming you forget all the things that you are running away from when you drink/daydream. Then the daydream ends/you get sober and you can’t wait for that next daydream/drink.

My scenarios sometimes included both my wife and LO. There were scenarios of pleasant friendships. When LO started seeing the man she is with; double dates. There was one where we made a road trip together. I imagined going to LO’s wedding with my wife and how happy we were for them. Some were nice and not too invasive. And I would have liked nothing more than my wife and LO to have been friends.

Then there was the invasive ones. Those aren’t so pleasant in hindsight. Those are the ones that make you feel like shit because they at one time were pleasant. Scenarios of circumstances being to where we were available to each other romantically. That LO felt the same but never acted on it because I was married.
Those happened more and more towards the end when I was scared LO was going to quit. And continued after she left. The invasive ones were escapes from the reality of life and marriage. Those relationships that take work and effort. They don’t always give you the high that limerent fantasies do. As Micheal Murphy sings … (and I remember the day it came up in my youtube suggestions and I was like “I haven’t heard this in a long time” and played it and that verse hit my morality right in the gut)

“I see love-hungry people
Tryin’ their best to survive
While in their hands is a dying romance
And they’re not even tryin’ to keep it alive”

That was when LO was still around. And maybe an hour later after listening to that song I called the office to talk to someone else and LO answered the phone and limerence won over the morally right thing to do and I tried desperately to keep the conversation going as long as I could. And then for the rest of the day limerence won. Not something I am at all proud of. But that is the reality of that day.

More feeling like shit? Sure I can do that. Now I have to look my wife in the eyes, who knows everything. (Maybe some things that I post here that I cannot articulate in person to her are new.) I have a good inkling that our oldest son knows a lot more than I want to know he knows. And our youngest who I think does not know the details but realized that there was something going on between mom and dad that wasn’t good. He’s very good about being observant. But not always forthcoming to talk about things. So I have no idea how much he knows. The point being I didn’t just almost risk a marriage (or even just a happy marriage) I risked my whole family for limerent fantasies.

And what happened? LO left. She drove away happy to start her new job and new life and, from NC on her part, hasn’t looked back. And one year later I am still trying to get my shit together. I got lucky with this life experience in regards to my marriage and family. And really do intend to try and learn something from it and guard against it again. I always knew I had attachment issues, even with childhood friendships. There was a reason this woman became an LO over any other woman in my life. And feel like if I can figure out why, that will help in the future. As I am fairly certain I never have been limerent before. There was only one other woman that hit me like a truck, back when I was single. But I don’t think it was limerence. I was head over heels for her but it didn’t seem obsessive like limerence. It seemed a lot more grounded.