These are the things that help distract me temporarily from ruminations:
1. Feeling in balance with food and activity level
2. Steady productivity
3. Entertaining/amusing adult social interaction
4. A good night’s sleep
5. My new perfume I bought for ME
6. Lady Gaga YouTube Music Radio.
7. Really good coffee

What to do when List #1 is fully active and List #2 is suffering intensely??

As Mia would say, maybe I can accept today for what it is—a hard day—eat the piece of pizza and diet soda, take a nap, and try again tomorrow. Anyone want to take a nap with me?? Oh! I forgot one other trigger….lonlieness.

But she’s so unattractive. The whole couple is trashy looking.

BSEE

BTW: That post is the last time I looked at LO #4 on social media.

Beautifully put Janesays and Paradox, it feels like a war in my head, thinking this and 5 seconds after thinking the exact opposite.
The addiction is screaming and raging louder now I’m 3 weeks in NC. Especially because I ended things due to not being able to handle LE
We are both single he really likes me the door is wide open.
Why not take the risk, yeah you can get hurt but you are already in pain, it can’t get worse anyway. LO is a really nice guy (he is) And maybe it will work out, even though he lives in another country and I have kids. Yeah, that’s my addiction talking , I know why I went NC. Because it’s not healthy to spent 24-7 obsessing over someone who I met 4 times, for who I will abandon myself for ajusting myself to what I think he wants me to be. For denying reality that this is not meant to be that we dont even match. For wrecking my body due to no sleep.
That’s far from healthy.
That’s why I went NC.
Remind
Remind
Remind

You are so observant. Are you an engineer ? 😂

No Paradox, she lives several suburbs away and is unlikely to cross my path as she’s old and frail. Besides I am avoiding the mall that I know LO frequents, haven’t been there for about 5 months, but clearly it’s on my mind 😂

Lee-Anne, the odds of you running into your LO’s mom are insanely high, right. So, is it possible you unconsciously put yourself where you might find her? I might do something like that!

Scharnhorst, good question. The current virus situation has kicked up my ruminations again, this time I’ve incorporated the toilet paper shortage in my various day dreaming montages.

I am at the shops, it’s mayhem, old lady gets hurt in stampede trying to score toilet paper, I save her, take her to coffee and share my pack of Kleenex extra soft 3 ply rolls, I find out it’s LOs mum – surprise !

For the most part I wonder how he’s going, does he need extra toilet paper? Is he thinking of me (probably not), I haven’t seen hide or hair of him since the Wednesday before last. I am also annoyed because it looks like we will probably go into full lockdown soon, coupled with Easter break and it means 4 weeks of absolutely N/C. I don’t like that I don’t have control over the N/C, it’s getting on my OCD nerves, more so than the toilet paper shortage.
By the way, we are now short of everything, salt, sugar, flour, pasta, anything canned, anything noodle orientated, tissues, toilet paper, bottled water etc
Shelves are empty at all our super markets and we are only allowed to buy two items of each.

When i can feel joy without thinking about my LO, which is only about 40% of the time, I’m clearheaded and can put it all maturely in perspective, as if I was a world-class therapist like Dr. L.

When I am overrun with thinking about my LO, the remaining 60%, after a while it turns to pain, and then I’m merely an addict. Hi, I’m Paradox, and I’m limerent.

(and the room says, “Hi Paradox!”)

At the time I took it as a sign of lucidity- now I see it as a clear example of insanity.
Then: I am clearheaded and willing to let go. This is manageable. No one will be harmed if I control it properly.
Now: I was totally stuck, unwilling to let go and addicted. This has caused harm and the harm was inevitable.