Go read today’s ChumpLady. Yes, it’s 11 years old, but it’s still relevant to your situation.

Remember, you taking care of yourself and demonstrating to your child that no one has to put up with a spouse who behaves as your spouse does, is a good thing. Be the semi-sane parent.

It’s not only good for you, it’s good for your daughter. Two unhappy people in a marriage, one of whom is abusing the other (trust me, the emotional leakage is real and has been noticed by others), is not something you want your kid to repeat in the future, right?

Let her go. She has already monkey-branched out anyway.

Late to this party, sunuvabitch it’s my life

Rewriting history is just one of many traits in a person with a personality disorder. It’s so complex and so disturbing and unfair to someone who functions normally. When something is wrong in a marriage, people who function in normal ways talk productively. This isn’t true for people who haven’t developed the skills. They just have no way of developing real relationships that last.

After discovering the most recent affair, I found texts where she was describing me and events in an unrecognizable way. She was saying I resented her and didn’t want to help with our kids when she broke her tailbone or needed to study for her masters. However, we have text message evidence where I’m clearly overly supportive, she admits I said the same in person, did everything I could do, but based on “vibes” assumes I was some cruel monster.

She NOW also says that before her affair, there was “something” wrong in our marriage. However, in her journal from that timeframe she was writing about how lucky she was to have me as a partner. When I confront her with this factual information, she just stares at me.
It’s like she’s created an entirely new reality.

This is 100% what my partner has done, I feel sick after reading it. She has done everything on that list. I can’t believe how close it is

I’ve racked my brain with theses questions for 20 years of my married life. I’ve suspected cheating for years but he’s so convincing and dismissive I’ve let it go time after time because he wears me down. Just recently I asked him what ownership he has in the breakdown of our marriage and he says “none”. Apparently it’s all me. Now I know that’s not realistic, I’m not that dumb. I was looking for hope, a meeting in between. I can’t even get that from him. He’s told me he has been a perfect husband and father and I’m crazy. My friends and family are worried about me because I am losing my grip and myself. I’ve looked into all the things I could’ve done and all my responsibilities in contributing to this breakdown. I recounted events to him where he has said things to me, especially about this co-worker, and he denies ever saying those things. I remember those events so clearly because they hurt me deeply. He is still denying defending her to me. Says it never happened. There are more times he’s rewritten past events, says that never happened. His family confronted me about the purchase of our first house together, said he never wanted to buy the house and I forced him into buying the house. This was news to me, I thought we both wanted the house. I talked to him later that day and he told me he never wanted to buy the house, he just went along with what I wanted. Now he says that conversation never happened, that he never said he didn’t want the house. But I remember all of this! How is this possible? It’s no wonder I’m confused. What do I do this?

So – he betrayed your trust, took advantage of YOUR fidelity and endangered YOUR physical, emotional and perhaps financial trust but you want – what? Step away from the Esther Perel (please not that during the #MeToo revelations she insisted that women need to tell men to knock it off – but if you are a spouse you are not to do the same).

https://www.chumplady.com/2016/05/science-vindicates-leave-cheater-gain-life/

https://www.chumplady.com/2019/11/how-to-save-your-marriage-after-infidelity-2/

Good luck. Believe me, life is better without a traitor in your midst.

Why are YOUR feelings not as important to you or him as HIS?

LE,
I never look at links.