Comments on: Life as a limerent: autopilot mode

By: pianoguy

pianoguy — Tue, 31 May 2022 02:13:51 +0000

I have tried to do this, and I get what you mean. Sometimes my limerence is so bad that I have to just emotionally shut down. This means walking around my job, not smiling, not talking to anyone, not laughing at jokes and just moping. But this leads to problems and relationship conflict because it comes off as angry when really Im deeply hurt inside and trying to do the best I can…And I cant just tell my coworkers all my problems as if they’d remotely be able to understand linerence…so how do I force myself to do what needs to be done while also having to answer to others who expect me to act happy and smile and match their energy? I cant. I have tried but the second I allow myself to smile or laugh or socialize, I risk becoming limerent and obsessive and non functional. Its a catch 22. Its either walk around moping and have people ask me lots of questions about why I look so sad and risk being bullied for being the loner of the group, or become limerent and wallow in despair. Either way I end up devastated

By: Petal

Petal — Thu, 18 Feb 2021 19:05:18 +0000

This makes me feel proud of myself for showing up day after day for my kids, even in “zombie mode”. Because not showing up at all was one of the options I genuinely thought might be better for them.

By: Maria

Maria — Sat, 28 Mar 2020 09:25:23 +0000

Thank you for this blog and ‘normalise ‘ it a bit, instead of a feeling guilty zombie I’m at least a feeling guilty zombie with indeed a very clean bathroom.
I find so much support in this site.
Thank you all.

By: Maureen

Maureen — Sat, 22 Feb 2020 03:24:24 +0000

I found this post so true….For me, being on auto pilot is probably the only thing that has managed to keep me half way sane….I did manage to become more fit…for obvious reasons, and have drifted on auto pilot for the last 10 months…still doing it I’m afraid….although I have noticed bouts of tears are becoming more frequent, and trying to explain to hubby, that this is ‘cataract problems’ is becoming more difficult……after 10 months, I’m still trying to rationalize with myself that this whole thing is just plain ridiculous, and I should just ‘snap out of it’…let’s face it, a 76 year old woman, a 31 year old beautiful young guy (who just got engaged) I mean it’s never going to happen, so what’s the hold over me….haven’t figured that out yet…so I guess it’s back to auto pilot for now……

By: Thinker

Thinker — Sun, 18 Nov 2018 01:46:47 +0000

In reply to Lee.

Very nice, Lee. “Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans” – John Lennon.

By: Lee

Lee — Sat, 17 Nov 2018 21:05:24 +0000

I was farting around on facebook and happened upon a post that I liked. I’ve taken the liberty of copying the portion that I thought might be interesting to some readers.

“It’s easy for young love to get lost in the thoughts of freedom and adventure. I’ve never heard a country song about a guy asking a girl to come drive his crazy train to the grocery store and change diapers in the public restroom after they arrive. I’ve never seen a music video that depicted two parents spending their after-bedtime alone time restoring order to a disaster zone and game-planning about behavior issues and scheduling conflicts. It’s always shots of relaxed, well dressed people walking leisurely through romantic backdrops. That paints a picture of my love approximately one percent of the time if I’m lucky. What’s funny is that the stuff most couples want to escape from is actually where the love is found and the bond is born. Nothing paints a better picture of love than a home that two teammates are invested in. The crazy isn’t the interruption, it’s the story! The annual vacations aren’t what make a widow grip a picture and choke back tears. The living is what builds that.”

By: Seababy

Seababy — Thu, 15 Nov 2018 08:14:13 +0000

What? Who put that 3 there!? It’s PS 147:3
And it says, “I will heal your broken heart and mend your wounds.”

By: Anon

Anon — Mon, 12 Nov 2018 06:46:11 +0000

I could hear the laugh being suppressed, on the other end of the phone, when I told my daughter that I had fallen in love with an 80 yr old married man. Like, What? Who does that??
Um…raises hand…that would be me.
At age 65, 3 years a widow and happily unmarried, I sat down next to him in church. I describe that day as, the first day of the rest of my life.
I told him that I was gaga and he assured me that he would be my best friend. Would I really have wanted him to say anything else? Of course not! But yes.
I have experienced the good, the bad, and the crazy, of this limerence thing. Intense emotional suffering, I feel like a mare in heat, in dissociative identity crisis, in my eyes, pain and sorrow….It was so bad I cried out to the Lord for help. That’s when I learned about limerence and Psalm 143:3. Sanity is restored, but it seems I am in it for the duration, however long it may be.
Thank God for this site, and bless you all!

By: Lee

Lee — Sun, 11 Nov 2018 14:31:03 +0000

In reply to Lee.

Hi Mark –

No, I’m suggesting that the rush of sexuality may be due to anxiety and fear on her part. Anger may be on the horizon.

Or not. But where there is a betrayal there is a lot of emotional turmoil. How things are now may not truly reflect the state of your relationship. You should invest in her emotional well-being too. Which you may already be doing, of course.

Best wishes.

By: Royce

Royce — Sat, 10 Nov 2018 22:59:19 +0000

In reply to Scharnhorst. Glad you managed to figure some things out and it sounds like you’ve learnt a lot from analysing your background. I think I work in pretty much the opposite way to you and never really think about what’s shaped me or where I’m headed. I just take it as it comes. My life history has also been a lot less eventful than yours, no major traumas and stable parents that are still together now, so I’m not sure what looking back would tell me. I think limerency is just somthing that is naturally in me and that it rears it’s head when I connect with someone. Interesting, I’ve never entered an LE straight the way (proto-limerence excluded) and I have always got to know the person quite well before the feelings begin. I certainly will think some more about what may have shaped my life so far.