Comments on: Overcoming limerence for good

By: Landry

Landry — Tue, 11 Dec 2018 13:06:57 +0000

In reply to Irene. Hang in there, Irene! You are so not alone.

By: drlimerence

drlimerence — Fri, 07 Dec 2018 23:29:23 +0000

In reply to Irene.

You’re most welcome, Irene, but sorry to hear what has brought you back.

Just think, though, this time you are fighting back from a much stronger position, knowing what you know, and having spent a couple of months thriving in freedom. Your gates may have taken a battering, but they are holding.

To the barricades!

By: Irene

Irene — Fri, 07 Dec 2018 21:21:08 +0000

Well, I’m back. I’ve been gone from this site a couple months. Living purposefully with family, friends and volunteering. I’m on the Library board and hosting a major event this holiday season and in mosey LO with young, pretty girlfriend. I’m door greeter and forced to face the music. Girlfriend noticed right away that something is up between us. Too much tension and mutual reserved manners. He spends the rest of the night positioning himself in my line of vision. It’s his way of proving that he would never have looked my married way, because look what he has hooked on his arm. I’m crushed. It’s been three weeks, I’m in zombie mode and can’t stop thinking of him. This is the second time I’ve seen him in twenty months. Each time less than ten minutes.

I’m back on the site because it helps me to realign my goals and that it’s not just me out there.

So, here we go again…..

By: Thinker

Thinker — Fri, 26 Oct 2018 21:15:53 +0000

In reply to Scharnhorst.

I like that article.

It’s my LOs birthday and favorite holiday next week, so I have felt tempted to reach out to her. I know it is such a wrong move, and I am asking myself what I want from such an interaction. Six weeks NC, and I still do think about her a lot throughout the day. I do wonder what she is thinking, and it is harder to shut that down currently due to the important dates next week. It will be good to get next week behind me.

However, overall I can feel how much more I am in touch with my family and my work and improving myself now that I am not looking for my next “hit”. I really don’t understand how I was able to find enough band-aids to keep my life in place for so long when I was in full-blown limerence.

By: Vincent

Vincent — Fri, 26 Oct 2018 14:39:22 +0000

In reply to Scharnhorst. Hmmmm, very interesting that. Thanks. There’s a lot relevant to my situation there, work related and limerence related.

By: Scharnhorst

Scharnhorst — Fri, 26 Oct 2018 11:07:26 +0000

This is an article from Thought Catalog. I don’t think it was intended for limerents but it applies to them.

https://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/2018/10/20-reminders-for-anyone-who-has-fallen-in-love-with-someones-potential-instead-of-their-reality/

I found 4-13 and 17-20 particularly applicable.

By: Scharnhorst

Scharnhorst — Tue, 23 Oct 2018 12:43:53 +0000

” In his book “Thinking, fast and slow” Daniel Kahneman lays out all the ways that our brains latch on to quick and easy solutions that feel right (but are often wrong), rather than exerting the cognitive effort needed to actually figure out what the best course of action is.”

H. L Mencken beat him by a few years….

“Explanations exist; they have existed for all time; there is always a well-known solution to every human problem — neat, plausible, and wrong. – “The Divine Afflatus” in New York Evening Mail (16 November 1917); later published in Prejudices: Second Series (1920) and A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)

By: Mrs A

Mrs A — Mon, 22 Oct 2018 17:20:52 +0000

Thank you for this DrL. Overcoming limerence has been a full time job. The key for me is to first recognise that limerence is a bad thing for you, even though it may feel good temporarily. But you know for a fact it’s bad. Each time you give in, you lose something vital in yourself. It is the resistance that makes you stronger and upgrades your self-esteem. It’s an ongoing internal negotiation between instant gratification vs long term benefits. In other words, do what is GOOD for you NOW (which takes work and goal-oriented thinking + action, aka self-discipline) and reap rewards later. The more I know this to be true, the more I am able to gradually replace limerence thinking with something else that benefits my life. Limerence gave me an opportunity to identify underlying issues, but to find real solutions takes courage and creativity, not through daydreams. Limerence is not a solution.

By: jaideux

jaideux — Mon, 22 Oct 2018 16:17:38 +0000

YES! Such a kind, yet firm missive. I love how it’s boiled down to self-control…a topic and quality to research, ruminate on and acquire.

As a limerent who just had a weekend of relapse (Sacrebleu!) I truly appreciate the comforting and encouraging conclusion:

“Limerence, in such a worldview, can be accepted as an emotional reality, but not one that alters your decision to act in a purposeful way. Being someone you can admire is the best way to bolster self-esteem. It makes you much less vulnerable to predatory LOs, to flattery, to self-sabotage, and to self-destructive urges.”