The book thing strikes a cord. I write books, my own stories and much of them involve someone I have had a crush on and this is the protagonist in the story, but these stories eventually die down and become boring and aimless so now I am thinking of writing the story with me as the protagonist, not them. I’m not sure if the book will become any less boring because this is how my mind works: ruminate into oblivion and then let it all burn down to ashes. But I have found writing about the man, from his point of view eventually helps me get past the man, (a crush in this case) so will this work with a LO? The crush eventual burns while the LO just keeps on simmering and heating up over time, at least that’s the way I see it happening. But there is something cathartic about writing up all the stuff in my mind, but there is also danger in it because if I let it, it kind of takes on a life of its own. Not sure if writing is good for me as an exercise in getting past this LO so dear to my heart. I’m worried if I write and create the story I will become more fixated on him. I have recently started an LO story and in the story I’m vacillating back and forth between me and my SO. Our POV in regards to our marriage and how the LO fits into the picture, or maybe doesn’t fit in to the picture. It’s slow going because there is some resistance within me to even do this kind of writing. What will I discover, if anything? I’m hoping the LO will eventually bore me in the story or will become someone I no longer like. But also find myself shunning the writing of it, because part of my mind wants to turn him into something bad/unhealthy while this other part wants to turn him into something good. Back to those archetypes of heroes and whatnot.

Can I be both the damsel and the hero in this story because that’s what I feel like I am experiencing with my LO. A damsel because the marriage feels stale and a bit lonely and the LO (in my head offers me some exciting and tempting morsels) but he is also a bit f-ed up in his own real life situation, a bit depressed and self absorbed so I really want to rescue him from his own drudgery – and he’s recently divorced about two years ago—at least from what I know about him which isn’t admittedly very much. It’s all playing out in my head and not much at all in real time, but he’s definitely my LO and the story just keeps going on and on in my head. This site is helping me though as I notice the thoughts are not quite as intense as say they were a few weeks ago so we’ll see where it goes from here.

Wow. This is so much like my story! Having needs met by someone who had no right to meet them. Thank you for sharing your story. My SO and I are working on our marriage due to my LE, but it’s sure challenging while still in limerence. My SO doesn’t know about my LO or that I experience limerence. It’s a tough slog. How are things working out for you, if you don’t mind giving an update?

Spot on! I can so relate. My episodes have come at times of stress when I wanted to be “saved” instead of figuring it out myself.

I told myself very elaborate stories about how LO and I could be friends. and how it was fine that her kids called me Dad but she didn’t speak to me.
heh.
the stories we tell ourselves, honestly.

why is it SO hard to let go of them.

Another winner from Thought Catalog!

I’m also very thankful for this site, and my Limerence experience was years ago, and I’m still trying to wrap my head around these concepts. My first troubles weren’t necessarily limerence, but led to a perfect storm of conflicting emotions.

Eight years ago, I was thankful that my old college girlfriend (who I hadn’t seen in 20 years) lived with her son on the East Coast while I lived with my wife and children on the West Coast, because I was feeling lonely and miserable and drifting away from my wife for a variety of reasons, but I didn’t want to be unfaithful. However, I had never stopped thinking about my ex (who had been my first & only other long-term girlfriend before I met my wife) over those two decades, which had unsettled me, and now that I was feeling so down, those fantasies had increased in frequency and intensity.

At what I thought was a low point, I reached out to my ex on Facebook and we started chatting in what I realized was an emotional affair at the least. We let it continue for a couple of weeks, and then we broke it off, resolving that I should work to see if my marriage was salvageable or if I should figure out how to end it. With that finally came a sense of closure with my ex, and I wasn’t thinking about her all the time. But then the bizarre event occurred. I had gone to a party and met an acquaintance, a seemingly lonely friend of a friend, and suddenly I developed an obsessive crush like nothing I’d ever experienced.

I hit such highs talking to her or thinking about her, and such lows when I realized our true situation, that my inner story began to include concepts I’d never given any weight to, like “destiny/fate” and “reincarnation” and “soulmate.” It was so intense that I became angry that I hadn’t ended my marriage sooner, and eventually I confessed everything during a marriage counsellor session and fell into a deep, dark depression that led to me losing 30 pounds from not eating.

After an extremely difficult 6 months to a year when I wallowed in despair with feelings of drowning in my sense of responsibilities and obligations, I’ve been feeling better since then, but I still think of my LO nearly every day, someone who was barely an acquaintance for a month or two more than 8 years ago. I’m pretty sure my limerence experience was brought on by my closure with my old flame coupled with my unresolved issues and feelings of loneliness within my marriage. And I realize in retelling this, it’s just me putting it into a story yet again, where I’ve reflected on the details as honestly as I can.

I can read your story with such understanding, yet being in limerence with an old college “crush” is making me justify the possibility of just “seeing him and see what happens”. I KNOW all the signs point to don’t do it, but then I think, could one time be so bad? He has revealed that he was in love with me all those years ago and regrets not taking advantage of the time we had together when we were in college. Our seeing each other would be very hard to coordinate as he is in Canada and I am in the states (especially given the covid situation), yet he has great resolve that it will happen one day. I am in a fog and I don’t know how to get out. (We both are married with children 🤦🏼‍♀️).