Landry, your first paragraph is a carbon copy of my experience, my thoughts, my possible regrets. But my LO and I were both married w/kids, so we each had much to lose when we reciprocated our feelings.
I thought about polyamory briefly, but as others here have stated, it was just an excuse to think about me getting everything (I thought) I wanted.

Hi Aggie!
How well I know that dizzy feeling! It’s intoxicating and also terrifying. It’s so wonderful that you have been NC for so long. My LO rocks back into town a few times a year and gets a couple of mutual close friends together and takes us out for a fancy meal and always has a sweet and special gift for me and of course I feel delighted but somewhat detached (guards up!) but after it’s all said and done as Dr. Limerence says “the limerence pixie orances in” and I feel myself slowly falling off the cliff…spiraling into obsession and depression. I need to accept my weakness and not play with fire! As has been brought out on this site, when we have stressful situations (I have had a year and half of horrors) we are much weaker and prone to the rabbit hole. So keep up the good work! And stay ‘en garde’!!!

Thanks Lee. Yes I know it’s best. As has been mentioned in posts above, I know I get a lot out of the relationship, so I have to be prepared for the short term (or perhaps long term) extreme pain and feeling of loss. LO has helped me through a series of tragedies including 2 recent deaths in my family and a host of other misfortunes (when it rains, it pours) but I see light at the end of the tunnel so perhaps I will find the strength soon. If he would get in a committed relationship himself I could cut the cord as I have never been limerent with an attached person. I have a hunch that something is brewing with someone he has been interested in so perhaps relief is in sight. Thank you again.

Jaideux,

I’m really sorry to hear that you are still stuck in the Friends/Limerence limbo. I am NC from my LO 10 months. This morning I had a lovely time having breakfast with a group of friends, daydreamed about running into my LO at the restaurant and almost fainted from dizziness. That just reinforces the NC even more. Sometimes, I think about disclosure to LO. Maybe it might help my limerence, but not after reading your post, ……No Way. Thank you for sharing your experience. I will definitely learn from it.

“I’ve tried to end contact more than once over the last 4 years but LO just isn’t having it,”

That’s really unkind. He’s keeping you on the string and playing you like a yo-yo. It’s keeping you stuck and unable to form lasting attachments to someone who can commit to you. I’m really sorry. I hope you can cut the cord!

After disclosing to my husband, I started individual counselling sessions. That helped me work out what it was about LO that was attractive, why that was attractive now, what I was lacking in my life and talking over options to have those needs filled in a better way.

I then reached a point where I needed some changes but struggled to communicate my needs to my husband.

We both read a book recommended by my counsellor (“Hold Me Tight” by Sue Johnson) and that helped a little, but we found life got in the way, and instead of practicing the conversations, we digressed onto more mundane topics to avoid hurting each other.

We have just started marriage counselling (with a different counsellor) to try and work on things. It’s too early to expect any massive progress, but I still need LO to get out of my head as that’s what’s hampering my progress. A feeling that I’ve cut off the wrong relationship.

Sophie,
I’m glad you were drawn out of your state of “not happy but in denial, just keep going” and that you see the LE as an opportunity for growth. This is exactly what I’m trying to do. I wonder what you’ve found to help with the process of looking at yourself. Personal therapy? Some good books? Part of this for me is just having a garden variety mid-life crisis, I’m sure. It’s hard not to think that, at my age, I’m just never going to feel that excitement again…making it harder to give up (although I managed) and get over (which I haven’t yet).

Spin out post!