I like it!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6hYq-V7_iQ

Every artist needs a muse. I used to think of LO #2 when I played “Strangers in the Night” since we’d seen Sinatra together. I used to think of LO #4 when I played “More.” [Don’t snicker, in the right key, they sound really nice on an oboe. Frank Sinatra and Andy Williams sing in oboe friendly keys.] Oddly, they’re the only two songs I can play completely by ear. Also, the more I thought about my LOs, the more mistakes I made playing the music. I still run through them occasionally but I pretty much skip them now.

My fantasy is the Jeffries tube duet from The Inner Light episode of Star Trek:TNG, but that’s really obscure except to overly romantic flute fans.😁

“Aspiring oboe player seeks redhead flutist, 45-65, willing to risk reputation on duet of the first movement of Grieg’s ‘Morning Mood’ at recital. Sense of humor required.”
Brilliant! 😂
Thanks for pointing us to the above blog post. I hadn’t read it for some reason. Good one and very timely for me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vj7vHmejrPA

I think this is one of the most beautiful pieces of music ever written. Pay attention to the beginning. The flute and oboe are having a duet. I can sorta kinda do this on the oboe. I told my teacher that I thought a duet with some babe flutist would be really inspiring. He said there are a lot of babe flutist out there but finding one of my skill level would be a challenge; i.e., not so good that they’d hate me for dragging them down but good enough to get through it ok.

I told him that I could see the Craigslist ad now: “Aspiring oboe player seeks redhead flutist, 45-65, willing to risk reputation on duet of the first movement of Grieg’s ‘Morning Mood’ at recital. Sense of humor required.” He said I might need to be a little flexible on the redhead part.

I also took up home brewing beer. It has everything you want in a hobby. It can be expensive, time consuming, and bordering on an obsession. Plus, if done correctly, you have something to show for it when you’re done. My indulgent wife told to go for up to blowing $700 on rewiring the basement since she forbid me to brew in the kitchen. The woman just could not get past the vision of 3 gallons of boiling beer wort spreading across her new hardwood floors and seeping under the cabinets and appliances. I proved to her via demonstration that no damage would occur to the hardwoods but that failed to convince her. I’m now $300-$400 into it and yet to start brewing anything. A co-worker who seriously brews his own beer sent me some links and said, “Just buy this and don’t waste any more money.”

But, I’m closing in on it! I think I’ve found a way to brew up to 2 gallons and have tested most of the equipment. You don’t want surprises on brew day.

Plus, the weather is almost nice enough to start playing golf again now that my health issues have been resolved. Who needs an LO?

Aaaaah, the attractive WhatsApp profile pic change. Glad I never did that (I did. Frequently). I got so obsessed with LO’s last seen that I changed my settings so I couldn’t see it any more. It’s mildly irritating not knowing if a real friend has read my messages, but a small price to pay for this would-be stalker’s sanity 🙂

Thank you Limerspan – yes I’m only worried about HR in the nuclear fall-out situation that Mark describes above, after we’ve acted on it and its all gone wrong.

I agree so much on the texting, it reels me in every time. I went on holiday with my family and didn’t contact her at all (10 days) and that felt like an achievement. There was a work related text waiting for me when I landed though… She’s on holiday now and has texted me once, bringing me right back in again (and an example of her trying to impress me). Its all via WhatsApp so you can see when she was last on and she regularly changes her profile picture (always her looking hot) – a Limerant’s nightmare. So I now delete the messages so I’m not tempted to stalk.

Others have already expressed their thoughts on what you should do quite forcefully haha. I will say that as a woman who has also been in your LO’s position (20 years ago), from what you say she will almost certainly reciprocate if you take the next step, whether she’s properly limerent or not.

On the bright side, you know this is limerence which gives you a huge advantage, and the earlier blogs on this website are invaluable, or they were to me. I used them repeatedly for guidance and confidence in decision making. I can tell you that disclosing and then going NC (“I like you too much and so I’m ending all personal contact”) as far as possible worked for me, although it was easier because my LO was not mutually limerent and we no longer worked together. It’s difficult and painful but it works if you stick to it and give it – a lot of – time. I can also say that the emotional contact created by texting is an underestimated menace, and if you can cut that out alone it could help.

Again, I’m so sorry you are having to deal with this, and the very best of luck.

PS as 99% of relationships start at work I’d be astounded if HR got involved.

I also wanted to comment on Vincent’s dilemma. I’ve provided professional services for a few people who describe your exact situation, Vincent. There is a predictable series of terrible events, which may be only a few steps ahead of you as you walk on your journey. I hate to sound like a know-it-all or haughty or full of myself and make a bad impression here on the board – but I feel I should tell you what is usually* happens with situations like this. *(really, “always”).

Here… the girl wants what you have… you have earned stability, earned money, kids(?), a house, to be a supervisor. By getting close to you, some of that rubs off on her. And as it rubs off on her, there are things you want from her – her youth, energy, clarity of life, with many less problems and complications – that’s rubbing off on you. So, you’re drawn to her… like she can actually give you youth or take away your life complications. She can’t. But she can add to them exponentially.

What is likely to happen since you and the LO have been rubbing off on each other, it’s created a very powerful “static charge” that is still contained but bursting at the seams – ready to arc, and when it does, I’m sorry to say that it’s going to nuke your family, your retirement goals, your health, your money, your job, your security and your self-esteem. You have become like a cup of water in a microwave can become “super-heated” and not boil because the side of the cup is smooth. I hope you know what I mean.

A very, very dry tinder box… all it will take is a teeny, weeny spark and it’s going to be the biggest bonfire you’ve ever seen. These “sparks” involve unintentional body contact with her shoulder, her leg… her arm. Or her having sad feelings one day and you just give her a platonic hug, or shake hands and hold her hand a second too long. Then quick as you can snap your fingers, you’re going to be in bed with her and she will likely love every minute of it and feel that she has won you over. She already is acting pseudo-mature to impress you but it’s just an act, either consciously or unconsciously. She’s trying to take something from you – something you’ve earned over many years.

Yes, you risk losing LO now if you distance yourself – a mighty blow which will leave you in tears, crying like a kid and barely able to breathe. On the other hand, if you keep building up this static charge with LO, it’s going to blow up – honestly, a dirty bomb of misery that will affect a lot more people than you in its blast radius.

Sure, yes, true, you will get to have a period of pure ecstacy with LO. I’m sure it will be the best sex you’ve ever had. And then, when the fun and excitement is over (and it will be over at some point)… well then – one by one you will lose your house, your family, your job &salary, your health, your self esteem. Then hardest of all – since you will have nothing of value to offer LO, you will lose her as well. She will shrug you off “you’re not what I thought” or “I think this was a mistake”.

Vincent, do damage control, man. Learn from other people’s mistakes and avoid the terrible, excruciating suffering that this relationship is about to unfold on you.

As someone else said, imagine yourself in the future surrounded by wreckage and a smoking hole where your life used to be. And you make a wish to go back in time and make a few different decisions. Well – it just happened, and you got your wish. You are now at the point of pre-disaster. How will you proceed?

Mark

Oh, I know what you mean, E.

” Hard to deal with the emotions though.”

Absolutely! I was concerned when you mentioned your husband was feeling low. That can lead to people agreeing to things that they don’t like in a twisted attempt to fix a situation without being honest with themselves and others. I have friends who are polyamorous and make it work. They all agree that it involves 100% honesty, trust and it’s really really hard to do. That’s not a good mix with depression. Depression warps your outlook and feelings of self-worth so completely and thoroughly. It’s the equivalent of an emotional prion.

I hope the limerence is abating and your life is getting a little easier, E. I don’t know the age of your son, but may he enter some amazingly adorable or delightful phase soon. There are periods of time where little people just aren’t much fun – or at least I didn’t enjoy some stretches of time very much. It does get better. If you don’t enjoy toddlers, pretty soon they’re in school and bringing home fingerpaint art, etc.