Thanks, Lovisa. I can always count on you for a bit of encouragement. Like most of us here I am just trying to find as much peace in my life as I can in the midst of this. It has been a long journey and I hope it has an end to it someday.

I know I hold back a lot. Usually it’s one or two texts and e-mails per week unless something is going on with the church. I sure would like more contact, though. LO has made his own crush on me obvious but doesn’t message me often, either. Holding back to protect marriages, perhaps? (Or way too busy. The amount of responsibilities this man has taken on, astound me.)

Oh Speedwagon, that stinks. I have sympathy for both you and your LO. It was brave of her to admit how she feels about your disclosure and your post-disclosure behavior. It has been hard on her, too. It sounds like she misses the friendly, warm treatment that she enjoyed prior to disclosure. I know you can’t handle interacting with her like that because it is too stressful for you. Ugh, this situation feels impossible. It sounds like you handled it well.

I am reminded of something that happened with my LO3 back in November. He abruptly disappeared from the social media app that he and I were using to communicate. He didn’t give me warning and he didn’t tell me why he disappeared. I thought he was saying “goodbye” to me. I wanted to respect his boundaries so I didn’t reach out to him for an explanation. I accepted that he was saying “goodbye” to me. I cried for a whole day. I had a terrible headache from all the crying. After a few days, the pain subsided and I accepted the new normal. On day 5, he texted me to explain why he abruptly departed. He said that it had nothing to do with me, but that he felt like he was too obsessed with the data in the app and he needed a break from it. He wanted a break from the app, not me. He was sorry that he made me cry. I suspect that his break was from me, but it’s okay either way. I know he is doing his best to be a decent human being.

Speaking of doing one’s best. That is what you are doing. You are in a difficult situation and you are working hard to do the right things for everyone involved. It’s admirable. Hang in there. I believe you will figure this out. You have come so far in your journey.

Hi Lost in Space,

good to hear that everything’s going smooth for you! It’s quite a while for your LO not to withdraw, isn’t it? Maybe the last conversations and her new knowledge about her mental health did change something. Maybe you even could sail into a „normal“ friendship after a while?

I‘m in a good place concerning LO I guess, it’s funny, but I thought the same, that the concept of limerence doesn’t help sometimes since it’s kind of another labeled drawer to put feelings and connections into.
It’s sometimes more useful just to think of my LO as a normal person in my life. It makes me behave more normally too.

I‘ll see him tonight, let’s see how it goes. There will be other people, maybe even his SO, I‘m not very excited and feel ok.
When I struggle, it’s against feelings of anger, when he behaves insensitively (or what I see as such, still sometimes judging him different from how I judge other friends).

I had some warnings concerning my health- back pains, longtime blood sugar too high while being on the lower limit of weight etc, and I decided to get really healthy and sporty now, as a new focus in my life.

It’s nice to hear from you, I wish you a relaxing holiday with your family!

Hi Mila, I’m ok, thanks for asking and sorry to just disappear! I haven’t been on this site very much in the last month, but just happened to check today and saw you ask about me, so I wanted to let you know everything’s ok and nothing bad happened. It’s weird, recently I just haven’t been thinking about limerence as a concept much at all or feeling much of a call to read/write/think about limerence…

My family of origin had a little crisis a few weeks ago but everyone pulled through it ok and is doing better now. My SO is happy and enjoying life and we’re at a good place in our relationship. We’re getting ready for a nice summer road trip with the kids next month, and have been having fun doing things around here this month. Work’s been going well, I’m going to the gym regularly, playing music a lot, doing fun stuff with the kids… life’s been pretty good!

My LO has enthusiastically thrown herself into her mental health treatments and is practicing a lot of self care and she’s also been happier than I’ve seen in a long time. Me and her have been in contact pretty much daily with lots of really warm interactions (still with the same boundaries though), so honestly that’s probably why I haven’t been thinking about limerence much lately, because I don’t feel any uncertainty, nor have I been experiencing much in the way of unpleasant feelings. Most likely this warm phase won’t last forever and there’ll be another cold spell at some point – it’ll be interesting to see how it feels next time (I tell myself I’ll be better prepared next time, but honestly I’m sure it’ll still hurt really bad if/when it happens – but that’s a worry for another day).

But again, thanks for asking about me and remember me! Sorry I haven’t been keeping up with your posts recently – are you doing ok too?

Thank you, Nisor. Yes, I don’t plan to change my strategy at all. It’s been working pretty good. I just need to watch a couple things with my demeanor, that’s all. Should be OK.

I’m ready to get back at it now after yesterday. Feel more positive. Thanks for letting me vent!

@LaR,

The poetry is very cathartic because it usually brings with it, plenty of tears. It is pathetic a guy my age is like that but that’s what LO does. All the emotion and sap pours right out of me. Some of my best works I feel were written when I was saddest over LO. Then again she’s always made sad, so the poetry is filled with emotion and deep longing.

Totally get what you mean about the rumination. It can be an incredible high. I like to go to certain places where I always wanted to take LO and get lost in the perfect fantasy. Walking with her along the beach and pier, playing in the water together, or taking her for ice cream. Even though those thoughts aren’t as frequent now, they still bring back such pleasant and fake memories. So weird how they seem so real and evoke such emotion, yet never even came close to being real. It’s madness that rumination and so hard to want completely out of. I feel kind of hopeless myself.

Like your LO, I could totally spot mine in a crowded room full of beautiful Women too. Yet none of them would even come close to being like her. She is very unique in how she carries herself, her walk and how she dresses. I’d be able to pick her out of a crowd, in a second.

To answer your question, Lady Friend is available but I think she’s kind of in a place where she wants to remain unavailable for the time being. She just got out of a 10+ year relationship with a guy and I don’t believe she’s all the way over him yet. Damnit anyway but we’ll see what happens.

One slow day at a time..

Hi Speedwagon,

What a situation you’re in with LO! I always think of you and how hard this LE is on you, complete torture!!!

My thoughts are that you should not change your posture with her. You have to think of your well being first. I know is not her fault but she should not dictate how you ought to behave near her. You’re behaving correctly.

And, if she noticed your cold behavior towards her and it bothers her.. what’s the meaning of that? If she doesn’t care it should not bother her one bit. It means she misses your interactions with her…. No, no , keep you LC as usual and never mind how she feels. She’s going to drive you crazy with her attitude, beware! Don’t feel guilty either. Enough with the emotional seesaw… you found your formula to deal with her , keep it intact. Let her deal with her problems.

Wishing you all kind of strength and courage to bear with this LE.

@whoompthereitis
“Bathe in the embarrassment and shameful display of adoration of the past to cleanse myself ready for a more purposeful future with integrity.
I give me a day before I crumble…”

Every word there and in the rest of your message is so on point (I have no idea if this reply will appear in the right place). Trust me, there are limerent males like me (and no doubt females too) holding back what feels like all the time from over-contacting our LOs (it could be 24/7 if we had no filters). That’s not just if you have barriers like an SO – as in my case – which mean it is right and proper to hold back from the LO – also because we think over-contacting will spook the person out. It probably doesn’t apply to all limerents though!

I often imagine LO on this site, so I always share vague details and am conscious of not getting in to the specifics too much. Also, full disclosure, part of me secretly hopes he’s on here because I’m hoping I’m his LO and feelings are mutual. But then I think oh no, maybe he has another LO. And at times I think what a shame I can’t speak to him about limerence in general because I know he’d find it fascinating.

Today’s mood: had a slight stomach lurchy panic moment thinking what if a male became limerent for me and contacted me as much as I contacted LO. I would feel super uncomfortable. Using that as fuel to hold back on contacting LO now for a bit. Bathe in the embarrassment and shameful display of adoration of the past to cleanse myself ready for a more purposeful future with integrity.
I give me a day before I crumble…