[Reality: in the Capital city of COO, my college gf and I visited a spa for hot- spring bath and body scribbling service. In a huge room, there was a small rectangle pool and four individual deep, jacuzzi tubs surrounding it. My gf and I each took a tub, deeply submerged in the blueish, warm spring water.

We chatted a bit and watched a few young and middle-aged women walking around completely naked (there were tons of clean white towels neatly laid on several shelves in the room) — not my cup of tea, especially more than half of them were out of shape… I was certain that I’d never become a lesbian…]

In my dream, this spa room had thin, white steams and it allowed me to exterminate matters I no longer wanted in my life (a bit like the gas chamber of the concentration camps 😰). In my dream, my father was seriously talking to me in Capital city on a foot of a stone lion statue, far away from this spa.

My father’s back was facing my observant 👁️ in the dream. I could not remember a clue of our conversation; only that his back was uptight and my body was very tense. I did not like whatever he was saying and determined it was no longer good for me! So while still sitting with him, I magically (in my mind) “threw” the matter to the spa room and turned on the steam switch — just like a light switch on a wall.

Then, everything in that spa room completely disappeared without a trace, including my father far away from it… then I woke up with a kind of horror, but also a deep settlement — something unpleasant/unwanted is gone with a click — I can tune it off anytime!

While unable to remember the matter I exterminated in my dream, some thoughts did spring out in my mind as soon as I woke up:

1. my childhood traumas have been largely healed — no parental figure is needed anymore; absolutely no one in the world is able to play that role to me; and nobody, except my own Self, could “abandon” me again in any fashion/form.

2. the fear of childhood abandonment, aggravated in the past 6 years since Dad’s sudden death, existed/perceived only in the foggy mind, in the bodily memory, in the negative imaginations but not in my reality.

3. I’ve finally become free from others’ judging lens — negative or positive. Especially during this COO trip after watching into old classmates’ and relatives’ puzzled, surprised, disapproving, envious, or admiring eyes, I have realized that I no longer care(d) at all about what and how they think or feel of me, except that I really appreciate(d) those sincere friendships and concrete cares some male and female friends genuinely demonstrated during our excursions together.

After this decisive dream, I felt/feel so settled and confident: my cptsd has been mostly “cured”, although some residual impact may come up again in the future; however, with my full awareness, I’m not worried at all.

The “side effects” of my six-year limerence (the first 9 months after the glimmer, I did not slip into LE) is that my battle with my life-time cptsd, assisted by my imaginations of the LO #7’s unintended, passive, “parental” functions, has largely won! My biological mother looks even more “shrunk” nowadays, and I feel a parental responsibility for her (who still irritates me a bit).

Who says limerence journey is merely negative? It really depends how one treats/makes use of it, w/o LwL knowledge and wisdom…

Whoomp

I had a dream (been watching too many horror movies/shorts lately) Monday night that there was a some monstrosity chasing me. I kept looking behind me, and this nightmare was slowly catching up with me. I look ahead of me and there is Momma, LO, her daughter and Lady Friend, 500-600 feet ahead of me. I knew I would be the first victim. This thing I had no chance with. I kept screaming in my dream, but no words came out. I was trying to tell them to keep running. My death would give them a few more seconds to get ahead.

I woke up sitting up in the bed screaming “Momma!!!!” Thankfully she was still awake. My unconscious brain make the right decision to what to send to my vocal chords. Progress. I guess.

Not a pining or sexy dream, bizarre but very boring apart from the bushy moustache haha. Strange.

Only a rickety ladder led up to the roof. I realized I might be slipping on the icy roof soon, and I realized I was noticing this well in advance, because I wasn’t actually slipping yet. But I decided to call for help in advance so that it would get there in time. So I started calling, but the guys didn’t initially hear. After a while (I was already sliding), one of them set off to help me, only to promptly slip and fall off his own roof. 😂 (He was okay.) Then I decided to save myself by climbing down the ladder. It rocked hazardously back and forth once, but after that it was easypeasy. Once on the ground I fixed the positioning of the ladder to be more stable. Voilà, danger averted.

Interpretation: I’m happy and smug with myself for coming to LwL well in advance this time, to get help/advice. But I realized I can save myself, don’t need the help of any men at least. 😂 I might have put some guy (the friend I referred to in my transference post?) in danger in the process, but at least he was fine after his fall.

I was in a bank.  This was a dimly-lit bank with beige walls and brown doors and chairs, like something from the 1980s.  In the middle of the bank was an oval-shaped (not completely round) teller counter that was like a donut.  The counter went 360 degrees and the tellers stood in the middle of it.  Some modern banks have this, but the decor was 1980s.  This was basically a mixture of my personal bank (center teller counter, but brightly lit) and my business bank (dimly lit with a lot of purple and teal like the 1990s), but with 1980s earth tone decor.  

I walked up to the counter and a lady was helping me with a transaction.  She left the teller counter to go gather more information so she could further help me.  I couldn’t tell exactly who this person represented, but she had dark hair. The lady in the dream had no distinct facial features.  She could have been of Asian or European descent.  

While she was gone, I waited for several minutes.  To my left about 18 inches away, there was a cup that usually holds pens, but the cup was empty.  My business bank has a cup of pens just like this, but it’s always filled.  As I waited, someone walked into the teller counter and ended up in front of me.  It was my LO with a handful of pens!  She didn’t look at or acknowledge me in any way.  She simply put the pens in the cup and walked away.  I don’t remember her being in the dream after that.  I did not try to speak to her.  

At this point, I remember my daughter being with me, and she was getting bored.  The teller still hadn’t come back.  We noticed a few video game machines in the back right corner of the big room.  We went over and played video games for awhile.  Maybe 30-45 minutes, maybe even an hour.  At some point, I realized while still playing games that everyone had left the bank building.  The bank was flooded with evening sunlight, but I don’t recall any artificial light.  

We realized we were alone.  I told my daughter, “We have to go.  We can’t be seen in this bank with no employees around.”  Thinking we’d been locked in, we tried the door, but it flung wide open.  Hadn’t been locked in any way, not even from the outside.  

After we walked out of the bank building, I debated calling the bank to let them know we’d been left behind and that no one locked the door.  I didn’t know who to call, and I didn’t want them to be suspicious of us as to why we were there after closing.  

This is all I remember of the dream.  I must have awakened shortly thereafter.

I’ll take the award for most destructive LE. Imo, lol..

Either that or the song that follows my LE.
Like perfectly.. 😍

There’s a post of what the meetup might look like buried in an old blog. If I have time, I might try to find it.

The highlight was going to be the award show for different categories. The statue would be called “The Limmy.”

Some categories:

– Limerent of the Year
– Most destructive LE
– Best LE with a coworker
– Best relapse
– LE which most accurately follows a work of art, song, opera, etc.
– Lifetime Achievement Award [I’m claiming this one because I’ve been on LwL the longest]

Tuxes and ball gowns required.

DrL said the same thing about the world imploding.

LE,

That would be awesome. We could make a day of it. 36 holes and a fish fry after the first 18. Drinks flowing too of course.

Imagine all us limerents together in one place, for that amount of time. The world just might implode.

Limerant Emeritus, you crack me up! Nice to meet you by the way, I’m new here. Heard so much about (from) you!

I would go to the Lwl golf tournament! Even though my skills are rusty at best. But how you play and handle your nerves says a lot about you.
I was wondering if anyone would start to analyze the innuendo of my golf dream, at least the part where I finally grab the club. (Sorry, it’s getting late here…)

Bewitched, silliness is good – go with it! And I don’t have six hours, that’s part of why I quit (other part was splitting up with bf I played with and falling out with my friend who was my other golf partner).

Dear LE,

That’s an intriguing idea. Golf is a “mental” game and so is limerence, so there are many parallels 😀

I drive past a golf course every day on my way to and from work (I live in a beautiful and remote place, somewhat spoiled by the gold course). And this time of year I start to see the golfers crossing the road that I am driving on and they always look really proud of themselves, like “look at meeee! I am playing golf!!!”. Its totally different from the looks on the faces of the cyclists, joggers, or walkers that I pass on the same road. I don’t know whether its because they are just so blissed-out from their game, or whether they are just way too smug and complacent.

(And who has 6 hours to spare to play a round of golf anyway)?

My mind just free-associates golf with silliness at this stage!