LIS,

“I asked her if she would undergo the procedure if it was possible to erase me and our relationship from her mind.”

Kind of a loaded question. How would you have responded if she’d said “Yes?” What if she’d said, “Yes, the thought of your memory is just too painful.” You win any way it goes.

If somebody asked me that question, my response would depend on who’s asking.

I think my answer to most people would be “No.” For a few others, I’d add “I wouldn’t want to give you the satisfaction.”

Definitely a great movie. The first time I watched it was with my wife shortly after we’d moved in together and were madly in love with each other. I remember crying so hard during the scenes when Jim Carrey’s character realizes he made a mistake consenting to the procedure and is desperately trying to hold on to his memories of his beloved, but to no avail – in my mind at that time, I imagined myself dying some day and trying to cling on to my wife’s memories as I slipped into the void… quite a thought for a 23 year old guy! (I always got the same feelings from Death Cab’s “I Will Follow You Into the Dark” and Jason Isbell’s “If We Were Vampires”)

Anyway, I actually discussed this movie with my LO a few months ago. She’d seen it years ago and I reminded her of the plot. At that time, we were both feeling heartbroken about how strongly we felt for each other but having to face the fact that there was no plausible future for us together. I asked her if she would undergo the procedure if it was possible to erase me and our relationship from her mind. She immediately said absolutely not – that she knew the heartbreak would eventually end, but that she’ll always treasure the time we spent getting to know each other and would never want to lose those memories. That felt good to hear.

“Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” is a great movie but I found it depressing.

My favorite character is Kirsten Dunst. IMO, she’s the only character in the movie worth feeling sorry for. To me, the rest of them are unsympathetic.

I had no idea that’s what that movie was about. I guess I’d better check it out. In my old age I don’t give much new cinema a chance.

“I wonder if writing this defeats that purpose because it is giving me relief.”

I wonder that myself too with my limerence. It will be a year June 3 since I have seen LO with NC. That she initiated herself moving on to another job. I want to move on and be present in my life and marriage. But I want to also hope to help others not fall into the same rabbit hole I did with a co-worker. Dear Marcia that posts here has commented that coming here for her is a double edged sword. And some days I very much agree with her.

Hey FL, welcome to the co-worker LE club!
“Eternal sunshine over the spotless mind”… the instant cure for limerence, if only that was possible.
LOs moving on emotionally when we are still drowning in neurochemicals feels just awful. How dare they be OK when we are not!
Sounds like you have excellent self awareness and have caught this fairly early which bodes well for you. Finding purpose in life, and finding other things for the mind to dwell on is the best approach I think.
Wishing you well on your climb out of the limerence pit.

This is obviously unprofessional behaviour on his part (hardly needs mentioning!) but in particular:

After some more indecent texts from him, I thought to make my view clear just to be sure he understands and told him that I have no interest in any sexual relationship whatsoever and I hope that we can continue a professional relationship at work.

That’s the point at which this went from “questionable conduct” to “probable harassment” in my view. But it sounds like you’ve handled it like an absolute pro, Sarah!

Unfortunately, these kinds of jerks exist everywhere and power brings out the worst in them. Finding a good mentor/sponsor is a diplomatic challenge – sexual harassment is one of the worst offences, but over the years I’ve had mentors stab me in the back (i.e. promise support but then undermine my case) and heard of other mentors who have taken credit for a mentee’s work, and even request they do things the mentor knew to be illegal. Dodging the shitlords seems to be part of professional life, sadly.

Right, I see now. Hopefully it never comes to that.

No, he didn’t know explicitly, but honestly, it’s not that far-fetched to assume I am networking. He knows I am ambitious and a bit fed up with not getting ahead (I am working part-time, it just takes longer).
I did talk to social counsel at work (not reporting him, but asking for advice how to handle the situation) the lady is under professional secrecy.
I kept screenshots of everything, and wanted to have that “unofficial record” with social counseling, should it ever be his word against mine I have written proof that he initiated it, and proof (with social counseling) that it made me feel uncomfortable and was by no means wanted in anyway.
I don’t want to officially file a complaint as I don’t want people to know about it. Whether I am right or wrong, people talk, and something always sticks. I don’t want my name associated with anything like this. I also don’t want to blow it out of proportion.

I don’t think that’s a follow-up on your leading him on, I think that’s sexual harassment in the workplace. You should definitely report him for inappropriate conduct.

Did he know you were trying to get promoted, get sponsors? If so, this could be extra cause for a complaint as he thought, because you needed something from him, he could use you and manipulate you.