I’m not sure if I was limerent born, although all my glimmer quietly flashed into my system within 5 seconds I laid my eyes on LO w/o knowing anything about them, except they all had a similar aura in their eyes, despite the diversity of their race, age, and appearance. However, I was in limerence with one LO for three years even without the glimmer from the beginning to end.

My cPTSD (from many childhood traumas) was the primary cause for all my major LEs, including my ex-marriage, soon after which LE disappeared. In all of them I was unawarely trying to escape from “dire” situations, such as grief, loss, loneliness, no-way-out, etc, and ignorantly seeking from LOs my missed parental love and care, which can no longer be made up by anyone else in the world, except myself.

I think born limerent can be wonderful if one is able to stay in the “liking” phrase without subconsciously getting into the addictive “wanting” stage; unawarely slipping into limerence can be a “life-shattering” experience…

I wish we could get screened for neuroses!

This question pops up from time to time.

That question is the tip of one very big iceberg. DrL covers different facets of it in different places.

IMO, limerents are born not made. The only reason I say this is limerence, as Tenov defines it, is a response to stimuli, i.e., “glimmer.” If you never encounter the stimuli, you have the capability of becoming a limerent but you never actually do.

“Glimmer” is unique to the limerent. If a lot of a lot of people have it, you may have many LOs and many LEs in life. If your glimmer is rare, you’ll have fewer LOs and LEs.

I use the analogy of being susceptible to limerence is like being allergic to bee stings. Bees are beneficial and benign but if you’re allergic to them, one bee can kill you. It’s possible to go through your entire life without knowing how close to death you really were.

Remember that trip to the apiary you took in grade school? That field trip could have been a disaster.

You could go to an allergist and get screened to know in advance that you’re allergic to bees but people rarely do that. People only go to the allergist after they’ve been stung and OD on benedryl or somebody had an EpiPen handy.

It’s the same with limerence except that nobody goes to a therapist and gets screened for possible neuroses, not that there’s an accepted test for it if you wanted to try.

Thomas & Allie, I’m the same way. Once I get rejected, I’m done and it’s on to the next.

Years ago I asked this girl out. She turned me down. We were still friends, and two years later she asked me, “Matt, why have you never asked me out again?” I told her, rather incredulously, “Because you told me no!!” She responded, “But that was two years ago!” “Well, you told me no!!”

I do not understand the female species.

@Allie,
I find that fascinating. It’s completely the opposite with me. Play cleverly or be a rejecting ex and I’m sunk.

Thankfully my behaviour is much improved through painful trial and error.

@Matt – not for me. Rejection is almost like a fire extinguisher for my LEs or feelings for ex’s, regardless of the level of connection we had. I will mourn them and then either move on, or spend time having lots of fun with friends. I guess my LEs are more about future potential than good times past.
And if I sense someone is playing me, I instinctively don’t trust them and that is a huge turn off.