If one reads the comments following the article, Lucy admits the advice in her article is sort of tongue-in-cheek and intended for serially-unlucky-in-love daters. She concedes extreme hot-and-cold behaviour is pathological.

Hence, I don’t think Lucy means to advocate outright manipulation in her article. I think she’s simply saying don’t be a doormat, and your connections with other people will prosper. Don’t be the one who’s always sitting by the phone. A little bit of coolness/aloofness means people will respect your contribution, etc. But don’t go overboard with the coolness because that turns people off, too. 🤔

Having said that, I can see how the advice Lucy gives in this article might induce limerence in someone who is super-sensitive to emotional cues from a given person, but, then again, they’d have to be drawn to the unpredictable person to begin with. So anyone who takes Lucy’s advice, tongue-in-cheek or not, is walking a pretty fine line in my opinion. What Lucy advocates surely works in practical terms, but it opens up a huge can of worms in ethical terms.

I think the article does encourage game-playing just a little bit. And I’m too old to play games. If I have to pretend to be an enthralling person to catch a partner or enchant a friend, does that mean I have to pretend to be an enthralling person for the next thirty years to keep said partner or to continue enchanting said friend? What if they see through my enthralling, enchanting act some day? 😆

This is the problem with mind games. Even if mind games are successful in the short term, they’re unsustainable in the long term. No one can pretend to be alluring and mysterious forever. At some point, “everyday Sammy” will emerge and all bets with be off! 😉

My LO probably did have all the traits Lucy mentions. It made him very alluring. However, it did not reflect well on his overall character. I want to be remembered for my character and not my charm – or, preferably, for BOTH my character and my charm. 😜

If you’re going down that road, I recommend you read Shari Schreiber’s stuff. You used to be able to access everything for free but she tightened it up. Now, it costs $9.99 to access everything at https://sharischreiber.com/bpd-membership-articles/

It comes out to less than $0.50 an article. Even though I read them all when they were free, I paid to continue to access them.

Good luck! You could be at the beginning of a very interesting journey.

http://candorville.com/comics/2010-07-04-mother.jpg

I’ve reached the conclusion my Straight Boy LE was all about integrating my Father Archetype. This really shouldn’t come as any surprise. Dad and LO#1 had similar colouring, similar build, similar features and even shared the same profession. (Both engineers!) Basically, I fell in love with the “shadow” of my own father and everything he represented for me (masculinity, stability, etc). My father doesn’t have strikingly large hands, but they must have seemed large to me as a child (at least compared to my own).

I think, during the course of LE, I was trying to work out why my father didn’t love me enough. Or why his love didn’t feel real. Of course, intellectually, I know my father loves me. I’ve asked him directly, and he insists he adores me. I believe him. But, as a child, I had issues with him not being demonstrative enough and showing his love. Fathers can feel very distant indeed to insecure offspring.

I think my current LO (Gay Boy), despite being a biological male, is activating my Mother Archetype, now I’ve sent my Father Archetype packing. Or, rather, he’s activating a whole suit of archetypes that in my imagination read as “feminine”. (I.e. he’s Mother, Queen, High Priestess, and Witch just as past LO Straight Boy was Father, Teacher, Protector, Provider).

Current LO has used some cosmetic treatments to enhance his beauty. This is not a turn-off. In fact, it plays heavily into the limerent fantasy I have of him. He reminds me (looks-wise) of Queen Nefertiti of Ancient Egypt. The Ancient Egyptians used kohl to protect their eyes from flies. LO has dark, thick, sooty lashes and eyebrows – I don’t know if it’s make-up or genetics. His skin is tan, his teeth artificially whitened. From certain angles, he’s exquisitely beautiful, some might say radiant. I’ve even brought a miniature bust of Nefertiti because of him.

LO has recently grown a beard. I told him I loved it. I lied. Actually, I hate the beard. He looks a tiny bit butch now and it’s harder to project the Queen-Mother-Witch-Goddess archetypes onto him. Still, there were female rulers such as Hatshepsut who adopted the pharaonic beard, so the fantasy isn’t entirely spoiled. This is a seemingly feminine archetype that can morph into a male one at the drop of a hat. LO embodies androgyny for me – he is BOTH man and woman.

I’m trying to come to terms with my biological mother’s charming-and-seductive-yet-volatile personality. Recently, I’ve decided she’s borderline rather than narcissistic. As a child, I was besotted with my mother. Many children (especially boys) are in love with their mothers. But my love for my mum went beyond mere affection. I was possessive of her. I didn’t mind my mother talking to my sisters – not at all. But I hated it when she spoke to little boys and girls in our neighbourhood who belonged to other mothers. How dare she fraternise with the emotional competition! Why couldn’t I have her all to myself, etc?

I have always complained about my mother having poor boundaries and treating me like a consort rather than a son (a common-enough event in families where one or both parents have a personality disorder). However, I realise I have often had poor boundaries too with my mother, and acted like her bodyguard. I haven’t been honest with myself about the true depths of my childhood infatuation with her. Great love can breed great hate, and hence the strange eruptions of misogyny I sometimes feel. I couldn’t possess this one beautiful woman, even though she called me “her angel” and said I was her favourite.

My mother is no Alpha Female, no queen. She’s actually quite needy, greedy and petulant. However, as a child, I perceived her as beautiful, enigmatic, glamorous, and all-powerful. She blew hot and cold. She could make you feel like a prince. She could make you feel like a god. She could make you feel like a piece of dirt under her feet mixed with chewing gum and cow dung. She could raise your self-esteem through the roof in a sentence and also decimate it. (My mother is very good at backhand compliments). Oh yes, she had power all right and she abused that power, perhaps without even realising that that was what she was doing.

Her favour was as fickle as the sun on an overcast day. It was impossible to stay in her good graces for more than a few blessed days. God knows I tried. I’m starting to see what a powerful spell my mother, as an attractive woman with borderline traits, could cast on a heterosexual man. The latter would be enchanted by her softer side and confused by her sudden coldness and fits of uncontrollable rage.

I think my current LO Gay Boy stares at me with my mother’s eyes. I can’t tell whether he desires me or whether he mocks me, or whether he at once desires me and mocks me. It’s my childhood all over again. It’s like I’ve tracked down the male incarnation of my mother. The chemistry between us is, well, “ancient”.

As a child, I drew hundreds of pictures of beautiful, aristocratic women wearing fabulous jewels and gorgeous gowns. The women were always powerful and always glamorous. My obsession with beautiful, powerful women confused my male peers. They couldn’t make heads or tails of it. In retrospect, I think what was going on was a fair bit of unconscious mother-worship/goddess-worship.

In light of my personal history, I think I understand my attraction to current LO a little better. It’s not him I need to sit down and have a talk with – it’s my mother.

@Lee. I just love the concepts of “ego chow dispensers” and “High Quality Kibble” as you use them here! Genius! 🙂

Tennov wrote in her book that the limerent’s obsession can feel oppressive to the the person on the receiving end (LO). Limerence makes LO self-conscious about how they walk, talk, interact, etc. Obviously, if someone is limerent, they’re watching LO like a hawk. They want to know their feelings are returned. Any LO must feel slightly uneasy about this “focus”. I’m not talking about stalking. That’s been covered in other articles. Just an off-putting amount of attention.

A person who becomes LO for many people must by definition really like people and be incredibly tolerant of other people’s foibles. Socially anxious people won’t become career LOs. I suppose the real question I’m asking is: “How do they do it?” and “What do they get out of it?” Are some career LOs actually pretty uncomfortable in that role and yet they don’t know how to cultivate the kind of equality-based friendships they’d enjoy? Is it a kind of “Christ” archetype?

I’ve met very charming people who weren’t narcissistic. Quite the opposite. I think there are some LOs out there who really struggle knowing how to connect with people in a healthy way. They don’t want adulation. They just want real friends and somehow get stuck with a bunch of overzealous “fans” instead. Maybe these people are “good” but I doubt they’re happy.

I think people with the X factor, apart from those in showbiz, are UNLUCKY. I’d hate to have so much charisma that I couldn’t get any peace/time to myself, etc. And yes, I’m thinking of a former LO of mine when I write this. (Oh gosh. How things have changed. Do I actually pity her now?)

I also think Theory 2, “Human Slot Machine”, describes modern dating practices fairly well i.e. three months of love-bombing followed by abrupt withdrawal. It’s a miracle we’re not all limerents for somebody!!

That article worried me to begin with; just last year I constantly exhibited the first two methods. However, after reading all of it, I’m worried for a different reason; I’m now the opposite. Submissive and non-dominant, so apparently unlikeable.

Does that mean I have to employ some of these methods to make my friends like me more? Or would that make me a bad person? I know one of them actually ‘favour’ me…

Maybe if I gain better, more satisfying friendships my LE will go away.

I must admit I LOL’d when I read that Scharnholst. And that the MPDG label stuck. Unfortunately it looks like my LO not only has read the article, she may have helped Lucy write it.