Yeah, no, I made a point of finding answers for myself. The number of friends who have come to me with their troubles through the years is legion (see: resourceful). Thankfully, things have changed since I was a child and there are a lot more mandatory reporters who take it seriously.

The fact that the ‘rents made serious efforts to improve themselves helped me quite a bit and definitely made life better for my younger siblings.

No, no – I don’t think all HSPs are selfish but too many forget that they are not the be-all, end-all and they would do well to ask people what they are thinking and feeling rather than playing “Mystic Meg”. Just because someone is sensitive doesn’t mean they know what is driving others emotions. Not really. As I wrote, every gift and strength comes with its dark side.

Impatience is mine and I know it, but the advantage to learning to read the emotional temperature as though my life depended upon it (and it did) is that I also learned how to be quiet and let people speak/do. Of course, I still prefer not having someone between myself and the nearest exit. If there was going to be a scene, I was going to get out and grab as many siblings as possible rather than being frozen by fear.

I will confess to a grim satisfaction that the last time I was struck by a parent was the first time the younger sibs remember seeing it happen. Parent A learned that I was now big enough, strong enough and athletic enough to make slapping me around a bad idea.

My LO demographics were:

LO #1 – College Student, I have no idea what she went on to do for a living
LO #2 – Nurse
LO #3 – Nurse
LO #4 – Mental Health Professional
Wife – Teacher

I dated 1 or 2 other nurses before I met my wife. 3 of 4 LOs are in “helping professions.” LO #4 was big on the concept of the “wounded healer.” Dating, I got along really well with nurses, teachers, and lawyers. I got along so-so with female engineers. Who I didn’t get along with at all were accountants. I dated two accountants and it was like we were related but distinctly different species.

Lee I am very sorry about the abuse you have suffered and that you weren’t given the love and protection you needed as a child.
Speaking of labels however I don’t think all HSPs are selfish and compassion and empathy are often their strong suits. I work in the medical field and am often battling for patients who are underrepresented and this is driven by my compassion for them. While I do feel pain intensely and can get over stimulated by noise and so forth I do carry my weight in relationships, often taking up the slack of others. So we are not all the same! And if we had been in school together I would have found a way to get you help! 🙂

I realise I’m extremely fortunate to never have experienced the abuse you have – that sounds very tough on you. However I’m fully with you on struggling to keep the plates in the air for others but no-one does it for you.

Think that was a key part of my LE – at the time it felt like LO was the only person to notice/care I was struggling to keep everything going. No4 on that list very much applied to my SO at the time, as he was so wrapped up in hating his job.

My husband identifies himself as a HSP and I was pleased when last year our marriage counsellor suggested he stop putting himself in a box and hiding behind a label.

One thing that has always bugged me is his refusal to drive which he blames on being highly sensitive. He’s got a licence and can drive really well, but just won’t because he finds it too much.

It came to a head when I was pregnant with our first – I said I expected him to drive me to the hospital, he initially refused as he doesn’t like driving. I pointed out I wasn’t overly keen on the idea of giving birth but didn’t have much choice!! He conceded, and a friend who is also a driving instructor gave him a couple of free refresher lessons. He drove me to the hospital and drove us all home again a few days later and hasn’t driven since. Had my 2nd (and final) baby at home for that and several other reasons!

https://pro.psychcentral.com/exhausted-woman/2017/10/difference-between-a-highly-sensitive-person-and-borderline-personality-disorder/

May be useful to others.

Someone may find this useful. Every strength has its weakness.

https://omtimes.com/2016/05/highly-sensitive-turns-highly-selfish/

Mr. Lee does 7/10.

I am not prone to limerence, nor am I HSP, but as I was physically abused as a child I am very, very observant. I am also very self-sufficient and resourceful. That is great for any number of people around me, particularly Mr. Lee, but it does mean that he has a tendency turned habit to completely overlook that I am not an automaton, or without sensitivities and feelings. It has certainly led to an interesting and unexpected career.

Those of us who are not HSP (or limerent) and are relied upon sometimes want to put down our own cares and burden and sob by the side of the road and be able to rely upon those around us to do what we do so frequently for them and keep all the plates in the air when we simply cannot do it. That when we are done falling apart, we’re not going to have to more to deal with than when we are able to get up again. Don’t lie to us. We may not be as rare and special as limerents/HSP but we’re not all dumb as posts either and the cognitive dissonance sets up real consequences. Often bigger and uglier than they would have been if addressed in the early stages.

I am also not a fan of the orchid/dandelion child metaphor that has recently come into vogue. It lends itself to shunting the “lesser” dandelion children to the side. I endured enough of that when I was showing up at school with bruises up and down my legs and on my arms in elementary and middle school and apparently everyone thought it wasn’t a big deal because my grades were high and I didn’t have any broken bones. It may have led to a higher “grit factor” but it most assuredly wasn’t optimal even if I am “just” a dandelion.

https://www.wired.com/2009/12/does-the-orchid-dandelion-metaphor-work-for-you-my-duel-with-david-shenk/

I’ve come across bpd and favorite person when I suspected that my LO is a quiet bpd (thanks to Lee’s prompt) and thought that I must have been his “favorite person”, which made me feel even more cruel going NC on him. But my needs above his, unfortunately… he’ll have to deal with it on his own.