You have a good point, Therese. I’m glad that you are maintaining healthy boundaries. I remember your original post and I was glad that you came back. It is interesting that your teacher had an effect on your mom, too. I can see how her kind gestures increase your interest in her. Wow, this is a tricky situation. Are you experiencing less distress than you were experiencing when you made your original post? I noticed that you seem to worry that you are a psychopath. This experience that you are having with your teacher isn’t a symptom of psychopathy. Not at all. Does that help?

Therese, thanks for the update. I might understand what you mean about how someone can just be really special. We had a subcontractor who used to leave me breathless. I couldn’t tell you what was so special about this man, but when he was around, I couldn’t think clearly. One time he needed to print an invoice and I insisted that he use my office. He had his laptop and I actually used my arm to push my stuff off my desk so he would have space to set up his laptop. He awkwardly said, “Are you sure I should use your office because I could use the conference room.” I wanted him close to me and any excuse would do. I thought he just had this affect on me, but when he walked past the secretary, she stood up. We both watched him leave the building. She broke the silence when she said, “Wow!” Then I replied, “I know.” It took both of us a minute to regain our senses. We just stood there looking at the door where he had departed. I have never been so affected by a man who I didn’t know well. I guess some people just have an alluring presence. It sounds like your teacher is alluring.

Here is what I would say to Lovisa if she were to encounter that subcontractor again. That person is just an acquaintance. Don’t make a fool of yourself, Lovisa. Be polite and treat him the way you would treat any other subcontractor. Don’t fantasize that he’ll have a reason to visit your office. Don’t daydream about him. You can enjoy his presence when he visits, but put it into perspective and don’t do something you’ll regret later. Just treat him like a normal human being.

I would say the same to you, Therese. Treat your teacher like a teacher. Maintain normal student/teacher boundaries. Try not to think about her when she isn’t around.

Good luck!

“mom said she thinks that T has something, an aura possibly that no one else has.”

Therese

First off good to hear from you again. Glad to see things seem to be taking a turn for the better. I think that there are indeed people that have very unique auras even outside of limerence. But I also believe that a person’s aura does play a devastating role it someone becoming limerent for them.

I’ve felt auras in all kinds of ways and with all kinds of different people. When I listen to a sermon at church, the preacher just makes me feel so at peace. His aura is that he genuinely wants to help people. His tone of voice, his body language all convey that I can relax and listen.

I hope that things continue to being less distressing to you since you have to go to school and learn. So it is hard to not to make contact. But you seem to have a handle on it a bit more than when you first posted here. Congratulations young lady!

QUOTING FROM MY LAST POST AND UPDATING:

“And my head teacher, well she’s my LO. She’s a very nice, sweet person, and I don’t say that just under influence of limerence. Even my mom met her few times and she thinks it too, she wish there would be more people like her”

“I don’t want to tell it anyone in my family, I’m scared they would totally judged me and think that I’m a psychopath or something”

My mum met her again now and shel completely fell in love with her. I’m going to tell you some things she said about her. She said she’s (my teacher, I’m going to use T for her ) a literal angel and the only thing she’s missing is angel wings. She admired her beautiful eyes, she literal said puppy eyes and that’s what i think all along. puppy blue eyes. mom said she thinks that T has something, an aura possibly that no one else has. recently some other random teacher said about T that she’s the purest soul she knows or something like that. my mom also said things about how “womanish” she is like elegant, fragile, soft. She also said how nice she must have looked when she was younger, when she looks like this in 53. Btw i don’t think i love her romantically anymore i think it’s more like mother-daughter relationship. even my mom said how she cares about everyone in a motherly way🥺 as you can see my family at least my mum really doesn’t think that im a psychopath and crazy. i think opening up to my mum really helped me. also my mum was sitting and T was standing back to her. and my mom just randomly said how nice figure she keeps in that age that she has a lot better figure than some young teenage girls or more like women in their twenties. so as you can see, how can i think that this is limerence when my mum has the EXACT EXACT thoughts as me? it’s not possible that my mom is limerence too after seeing her like four times for like twenty minutes each time.
also me and my mom have very similar personalities like we sometimes really share one brain cell🥴 genes are strong.

thoughts?

i sit at the first desk and i see her up close and i still get hypnotized and “dizzy” from her blue eyes like she’s that beautiful i can’t. sorry. I’m fifteen. I don’t even know what do i feel for her i just know im sometimes interested in other people but at the same time i want to spend all my time with her

I can see why you’re struggling, Therese. Your teacher made you feel wanted and cared about. You enjoyed those feelings so when you weren’t with your teacher you thought about those moments to trigger your feel-good emotions. You have been doing this for a while and you probably daydreamed about your LO, too. She sounds like a lovely woman. It sounds like she genuinely cares about you in an appropriate teacher/student way. What now? You were getting an emotional high from thinking about your LO, but now you’re dreading that you won’t see her when you go to high school. It sounds like you have a decision to make. Is your limerent experience serving you? Is it time to work on other relationships?

I recommend that you replace thoughts of LO with something else. I used the comments section of LwL, candy crush and running videos on YouTube to distract myself from daydreaming about my LO. I don’t know what interests you, but try to think of something that is interesting enough to distract you. Try to avoid negative coping mechanisms like inappropriate stuff on the internet. We don’t need to make the situation worse than it already is.

I know you don’t want to hear this, but you will be okay. It will get better.

I see a lot of myself at that age in you. Autism-adjacent, quiet, “weird.” Crushes on teachers are perfectly normal. At your age, the hormones are racing. I’m sure she does care about you–in an appropriate teacher-student way. Hopefully going to high school will soon bring you new people to crush on and help you get over your limerence.

First off I am glad that you have found this community. Often us limerence feel our limerence is shameful and embarrassing so we feel we have no one to talk to. But you can open up with whatever you feel comfortable to share here. There are many married and single limerents here whose LOs are married or in a large age gap or the LO doesn’t share the same sexual preference. So fret not that people will judge. In limerence my limerent object was much younger than me.

“Tell me what to do.”

I can offer some suggestions at least. Is there any particular reason it was this woman? Does she remind you of someone her age that you had/have a fond relationship with? Is it her behavior that is familiar to you? For instance my exLO reminded me greatly of an old flame I had way back before I got married. That was my trigger. I wanted to relive what I wanted from this girl from in my 20’s. And like your teacher she was sweet and kind and did things for me. She was a fellow co-worker. Had I been able to pinpoint my trigger I might have made it out of limerence earlier.

Getting to know her as a person as much as a student would a teacher. If you talk to her and ask her “safe” question about herself, her family or why she wanted to be a teacher you might start seeing her as who she really is, not the idealized person you have made in your head.

Try to make friendships with other people if you can find someone that seems to be like you a little. Perhaps between the bulling and your introversion you are just craving some friendship and a pretty, nice, sweet teacher is a likely candidate. Don’t beat yourself up too bad about it.

“Cause I’m leaving for high school in few months and I really don’t want to start that chapter of my life by missing someone and being sad, thank you.”

This is a difficult one because it is really difficult to block the limerent brain. But like I said above a healthy relationship with your teacher will make you leaving the school (if that is the inevitable outcome) much easier. Try to hold on to the memories of your teacher before you felt the euphoria of limerence. I don’t know how long that you have had this teacher. But at this point reliving those pre-limerent memories may help. You don’t want to (this is personal opinion as this is an option for some limerents) devalue your teacher just because you became limerent. From all accounts you’ve listed she seems like a very kind and caring teacher and woman.

“I also have obsessive thoughts how beautiful she is and all that. Is that limerence or am I just tripping, someone please.”

I personally wouldn’t say that it is the limerence entirely. If she is an attractive woman than she is an attractive woman. My exLO was a very attractive woman. What happened with me might be where the obsessive part comes in. I started seeing her as perfect. Any slight someone slang her way, even if it was constructive I was immediately at her defense. Defending even mild comments negatively towards her to a fault as she was the most perfect woman in the world. Now that IS limerence. No one is perfect.

” She cares about me but not in the way I want to.”

Yeah that can be pretty heart breaking. And while you know LO is unavailable. Yours is married and age gap is massive or me I am married and shouldn’t be seeking the attention of another woman. But the limerence masks that so that we justify our words and actions with our LOs. My exLO was a very sweet lady too. Always thankful when I did something for her at work. I even met one of her daughters and one day at work they both played an innocent prank on me lol

“I had created a habit. I was falling asleep by songs, certain songs that I liked and I was replaying them over and over and thought about my LO. And now whenever I listen to that songs, I still catch that nice feelings and memories.”

Lastly, this is probably it was/is for me, the hardest thing to snap out of. Because now songs from even when I was your age started becoming “LO songs”. Song after song after song. I compiled a 150 plus playlist on youtube of “LO songs”. And for the most part I have had to stay away from them. The limerence even stole some songs that I normally associated with my wife.

Music is wonderful. One of the best part of being human. But trying to come out of limerence is almost a harder addiction to overcome than the limerence itself. But slowly I have been bringing songs from that playlist over to one I am now compiling to associate with my wife again. So I am not sure what to advise when it comes to music. Maybe a genre that rarely makes that kind of music. Like I like rap a lot so I have been listening to that playlist lately to stay away from the love songs.

Therese I hope that you feel welcome to continue to post here. If you have any questions you can post them to me or the community in general. No one will judge you. We don’t have a whole lot of younger limerents. But I hope that Miss Lovisa, frederico, Miss Marcia or Limerent Nurse will see your post here. They are so magically wonderful councilers. We actually have a poster here that is in the exact reverse case than yours; Jim who might be able to give you some insight. MJ, my good friend, is also great with words and has a daughter himself that he might be able to help you better than me. I’m just the resident old man. Oh and I forget Limerent Emeritus who has a wealth of knowledge and life experience when it comes to limerence and relationships. But I am gonna wrap this up because I feel I am about to test whether or not there is a character limit to post on this site lol

SKIP THAT ONE IF YOU WANT NOT THAT IMPORTANT TO LIMERENCE JUST BACKGROUND INFORMATION🔽

So it keeps going on in generations. My grand-grandma grew in foster house, she was born in 1940 and in that time, we all know that in foster houses or orphanages there weren’t any good circumstances to live in, so she didn’t grew up with any loving parents, my grand-grandma, she never learned how to form normal relationship with people, so she carried it on her children. She’s very controlling, manipulative etc. Possibly narcissistic but we won’t get into that here, that’s another story.

So recently I transformed schools. And my head teacher, well she’s my LO. She’s a very nice, sweet person, and I don’t say that just under influence of limerence. Even my mom met her few times and she thinks it too, she wish there would be more people like her. Well, one day I was little bit sad in school. And my LO, she came to me and she asked my why am I sad, in like nice and sweet way and it was a lunch break and she asked if I’m going to eat. I didn’t eat much in school, I just didn’t feel comfortable eating in front of other people, social anxiety is a bitch sometimes. Obviously I couldn’t say that to her. And after that, I got completely attached to her. Like I noticed every look and every move from her towards me and a pretty long time I thought she knows that I’m, crushing on her or something or she wouldn’t treat me so nice, would she? My self esteem was already so damaged that I just couldn’t imagine that someone would see me as normal and not an outsider or a total loser and they would treat me nice. I had created a habit. I was falling asleep by songs, certain songs that I liked and I was replaying them over and over and thought about my LO. And now whenever I listen to that songs, I still catch that nice feelings and memories. Basically the high of limerence and the euphoria. And now it keeps going on, the mental state I’m in, even though it’s already a year and the first phase of seeing everything through rose glasses passed, the crazy feeling like you’re in love, butterflies and that shit. And I’ve got a lot of self awareness about myself and even though I know I don’t feel as much as crazy about her as I used to, I still feel something. Plus I don’t know if my limerence doesn’t feel as crazy because I have some self control and if I didn’t have that it would all break down, or if my limerence is really getting weaker. It really isn’t helping that I see her everyday, sometimes few times a day and I have regular contact with her and conversations. It really affects me greatly in really many ways. For example my urge to socialize got stronger and I get random ,, crushes” if I can even call it like that or attachments when someone else talks to me because I’m trying to fill the hole and emptiness I feel when I’m not with her. I know, she’s grown up woman, I’m fourteen, she’s married I’m suffering totally for no reason but I was trying to fight it in my mind and I can’t that would kill me. So I’m trying still to fight it but just not as strongly.
Tell me what to do. Cause I’m leaving for high school in few months and I really don’t want to start that chapter of my life by missing someone and being sad, thank you. I also have obsessive thoughts how beautiful she is and all that. Is that limerence or am I just tripping, someone please. I don’t want to tell it anyone in my family, I’m scared they would totally judged me and think that I’m a psychopath or something. Also she buys me Caprisons sometimes, she bought me even an ice cream once. So I know she cares about me in some way or another, but she cares about every student like that. She cares about me but not in the way I want to. I understand, now please my brain let my subconscious understand that too