Hii Fred
How it was going ? Could you update us after 5 years now ?

Yes, I know what you mean. I kept googling, “how to stop obsessing over someone”. There’s a lot of bad advice out there. Well, maybe not bad advice for some people.

Great explanation.

i spent like a good amount of time trying to find this, is like i feel this and i wanted to know how it is called

„Limerence is so strange in that instead of a person evoking, as you get to know them, an intimate feeling of love and affection, the feeling of love and affection explodes forth from our own psyche and then attaches itself to a person. It’s a effect looking for a cause!“

Nicely explained, Fred! It’s how I feel it.

My seven month journey in limerence is slowly fading away. What an insane intoxicating journey in unrequited love. Luckily I didn’t end my marriage or try to start an affair with my LO. I had to tell myself over and over that no response from my LO was a response. Hopefully I’ll never have this experience again, or at least now I’ll recognize it immediately. Limerence is so strange in that instead of a person evoking, as you get to know them, an intimate feeling of love and affection, the feeling of love and affection explodes forth from our own psyche and then attaches itself to a person. It’s a effect looking for a cause! I still have feelings for my LO. I know she likes me as a person but certainly does not love me as I insanely loved her. The LE truly is like a drug. It gives you an amazing, intense high but it comes with quite the hangover.

Hi Louisa!

I am impressed with your self awareness and desire to change. Yay Louisa! I love your growth mindset.

Let’s address a few things from your post that stood out to me. First, it is okay and normal to have feelings for other people even though you are in a committed relationship. It sounds like your feelings are more frequent and more intense than most people. That is okay. Please don’t shame yourself for your feelings. Maybe you could try an inner dialogue of something like this, “Oh boy, I’m feeling attracted to that man. Oh nuts, it’s intense. I don’t know why I get these intense feelings. I didn’t choose this. I get to choose how I respond. I will show myself compassion and accept that I get these intense feelings sometimes. I will remind myself to respond in a way that aligns with my goals. I will do the right thing no matter how I feel.” You can do a better job of writing yourself a game-plan that reflects your values. “I might feel like doing this, but I will choose to do that instead.” By the way, we have a commentator on LwL who would be helpful to you, I think. I hope C is for Cat reads your post. If I can find her early posts, I will share a link. She had a similar problem, but she is doing better. She has been seeing a therapist and she talked to her SO about her struggles. Her SO is helpful and supportive.

The other thing I would like to address is that I wonder if therapy would help your situation.

I am so happy that you reached out for help. Best wishes!

-Lovisa

GBP, good morning.

“The thing I was calling closure to me is that reciprocating thing”.

Exactly, that’s what I think all limerents (and or non limerents) want to know. It was my aim/goal to contact LO, who was my SO for three years when we were both single and very much in love.)

When he called at seven Am one morning after I have become cold turkey with him, he said: “this is , (he said his name and last name,)and I have never before loved another woman more than you.” And I said: “ now it’s too late” he said: “ I just wanted you to know that.” And I said: “ I have to hang up because it’s late and I have to get ready for work.” That was the very last time we talked until 49 years later(last year) when I had the dream of him. (Details on LwL/dreams)I searched and found his number and address, I took me five months before I could call. I was hesitant of the outcome. What if he doesn’t remember, would he hang up on me, reject me etc. I asked myself if I would be mentally prepared for a rejection?. Nonetheless, I called and it went just fine, very emotional. We exchanged stories (I have posted the story this month somewhere in here). At one point I told him :” you know you’re the love of my live”, and he replied: “ sorry you feel that way.” No problem for me because I knew many years have passed and he was healed, or he was been vindictive for how I answered to his love cry 49 years
before.(I did love him but were resentful with him, it was uncouth and rude the way I answered him then, now I’m paying for it). I
was not pretending to get a reciprocal answer, though it would have been nice and closure for sure…

I called for the second time, talked various things and he asked me:” have you found happiness in your life.” I said yes I have, etc.
At one point in the conversation he told me: “you were not patient, have you waited a little longer our lives would be different now. It was not meant to be, it was fate or maybe God.” Wow, I didn’t know what to reply for I’m an introvert and need time to think when Lo speaks about our relationship. It always happens with him. I just said: “ I know you loved me and I loved you too and we were the envy of everybody…” he interrupted to say: “ but you listened to your friends” which is not true.
I changed the subject unconsciously, it’s became too much for me to handle without braking up. At one point he said “ I only have good memories of you.” At other time he thanked me : “ thank you for reminiscing me in your mind.” But he never admitted that I hurt him or that he loved me still….

It’s very painful to go through this all the time. Even these two times I called. Besides his wife is in “charge” of his phone and there’s a female voice recording answering the phone… therefore it’s forced No contact for me. Very sad I can’t talk to him. Though I can write to him. But it is a one side communication. No good, I won’t accept it, period. I’m trying to come to accept the loss… I’m married and have grandchildren. Just working on this and hoping it will pass … patience is the key word. It has to pass, and live with just the good memories .

Too long a poster, but it’s a very long story.

Courage and blessings to you.

Thank you. Sage advice. Our stories are strangely coincidental. Depending on how you count it, it was after 48 or 49 years that I too had a very significant dream. My LO died in the dream, and I then had to find out if she really died in waking life. I became obsessed with just finding her, not with any intent of starting up anything with her, just knowing if she was alive and how her life had gone, and getting what I thought of as “closure”.

Regarding closure, after reading much on this site, the thing I was calling closure to me is that reciprocation thing. If she had only reciprocated, then or now, then that is what I imagine would have felt like closure. But that does not seem to be what others have experienced.