Typo: “It does NOT happen to EVERY partner/SO.”

I lost the first passage entirely, about 1.5 hours ago, and had to retype the lost 😞 messages…

It’s not so bad — it made my mind to have more calmer time when I actually have to reenter the similar thoughts…

The other side of the coin: I lost some sleeping time…

Lady Marcia,

[Have you seen any first date in that level of soul/Glimmer colliding? I think it’s due to the effect of tasing “forbidden fruit”] 
“I’m not sure what you mean.”

I meant how many first date you or others had, which could march up to the chemistry/Glimmer collision that took place between Anna and the Father in “Damage”. Both of them felt it and both knew what would follow is “forbidden fruit”.

“But I don’t think she’s plotted to meet him. They happen to meet and there’s this weird energy between them. And he’s never felt as strongly for the wife. At any time. “

She knew who he was before the first meeting for sure, probably through his son. A MP’s face is public. “Weird energy” is probably Glimmer to him.

“She did say that, but she also said she wants to marry the son. She wants both. Passion with the father, companionate love with the son. That’s as close of an explanation that I can come up with. If she were to be with the father permanently, the passion would die. “

That’s a good summarization. But Anna is very complex with her tragic background (trauma – caused her own brother killing himself over his forbidden mania for her), so she’s also a damsel in distress. The chivalrous son could “save” her, but not the lusty father.

[She’s not interested even in a regulated affair.] 
“I don’t know what you mean by “regulated” affair. She wants to have her freedom, and the son gives that to her in the way the father couldn’t. He’d be possessive. “

He wants to have their secret affair in “order”, but she’s aloof about any regularity. Here is the script —

F: I’ve been thinking about what we should do.
Anna: Do?
F: I have to leave Ingrid. There’s no doubt about that. It’s the right thing
for everybody. I can’t go on…not like this. What happened in Paris…The way I behaved. I’ve never had feelings like this. I have to get them into some sort of…order. I know it’ll be hard for Martyn.”
Anna: He’s fond of you. He loves me.
F: “I know, but he’s young. He’ll get over it.”
Anna: “He’s your son. He’d hate you.”
F: “He’d hate me for a while, but…”
Anna: “You’d lose him. You’d lose your own son? You’d also destroy the life you’ve made with Ingrid. It’s a good life.”
F: “What you say doesn’t make sense. How come you’re so sure?”
Anna: Because in your heart, you don’t even want it. You want us to start eating breakfast together?”
F: “I’d like that.”
Anna: “You’d like it if we lived in the same house…read the papers together?
What would you gain if you left Ingrid?”
F: “I’d gain you.”
Anna: You’d be gaining something you already have.

“I seem to remember a long speech in which she tells him about her brother. “

Yes. When the father bumped into Peter, Anna’s lover before Martin, he jealously interrogated her. So she told Peter’s role in her brother’s suicide — causing her mistaken brother terribly jealous and then slit his own wrist.

“Game on is an expression. It’s means to get things started. I didn’t mean playing a game. “

Sorry about my ESL understanding.

“There’s actually an absence of game playing when they meet. There’s no song and dance of a traditional courtship. He pursues while she plays hard to get. They meet and both know exactly what’s going to happen. “

I don’t think she played hard to get, but she wants to marry Martin, who physically resembles her own dead brother and who also truly loves her, wanting to “save” her. Father was trying to discourage their engagement—

Son: ”I can tell she’s (Mom) worried about Anna.”
F: “I think she’s (Mom) worried you’re taking on a lot.”
Son: “But you have to see that, that’s why I’m drawn to her. There’s a sadness… in her. I don’t know why, but it’s very interesting. I’ve discovered I can help her, and that’s great. It’s the best feeling.
F: “Makes you sound like a nurse. I’m not trying to stop you. I like Anna. I really do…but are you sure she’s really what you want?”
Son: “You don’t know her. There’s a whole side to her…that’s only there when we’re alone. If you could see that, then you’d feel differently. When we’re alone, she’s like no one else.”

Soon after, Anna told the father (not sure on the phone or in person)—

Anna: “Do you think I would have married Martyn…if I couldn’t be with you?”
F: “I’m coming.”

****

“I don’t think it needs to be forbidden, but passion dies. I think that’s the issue with almost every limerent on here. “

True, with almost every limerent here, probably more out of there who doesn’t know what they’re suffering and haven’t found LwL.

“And I think it’s human nature to want to feel that again. “

I disagree it’s human nature shared by all. There is non-limerent tribe, and those who do NOT live in the West.

“True. But what a trip. Is it worth it in the end? I don’t know. “

For unaware/ignorant limerents, fantasies in the head is perceived and felt as real and pleasant as actual PA. Based on Proust, Eros or betrayal take place in one’s imagination/head before the actual events. With LO-Lite, is it worth it in the end?

“Obviously, not in the movie Damage. But that’s an extreme. It’s a novel. The “damage” had to be catastrophic. “

It rightfully intends to serve as a moral and psychological lesson, so the story has to be extremely catastrophic, though still plausible in reality.

“Welcome to middle age! “

Is every ‘middle-aged aunty’ eyeing flowery young men?

“The word “fondling” is so icky. “

Sorry, it doesn’t have much effect to my ESL ears. But “job” sounds so unaffectionate and unromantic. Sex is supposed to be an act of unified-love expression, not some obligation of a job! Technical parts of it could always be learned by true lovers/partners — not egotistical game players/performers.


“On some level it is a performance. “

A tragic societal view — a psychological knife‼️ Did you read a couple of days ago that some limerent’s lamentation about “failing” such a “performance” and thus suffer LE pains for years? His/societal view/concept has brought his own dilemma and pains.

[I still feel that it’s just you and some who strongly hold this view. It’s a psychological dilemma of living in peaceful time…]
“Nope. Google it. “

Google what⁉️ — the world population is 8.1bn. Core West: = 833m, Europe/Nato West: =120m, Latin America + Caribbean = 660m, the other side of earth, Middle East + Far East = 2.67bn. The West is in minority, my Dear!

Cultures have inescapable, tremendous influence in one’s psychology; how much of Western psychology studies have involved/covered other nations? Does anyone have data?

[When people live under wars or constant political turmoils just want to simply “peachy” time.]
“You keep bringing it back to your COO. I don’t live there. I’m talking about the West. “

Your ladyship: you’re discussing some serious topics with a person who is originally from COO which has 5 thousand years of civilization — the only one survived, and counts 1/5 of the world population. Even some of us have migrated/married to the West, do you think our cultural and spiritual roots would be wiped out/eradicated by advanced technology/medicine, comfortable living (physical), and some cultural “junks” in the West❓

“I’ve thought of that myself. Is it just a matter of time before one’s partner falls for someone else?z’

It does NOT happen to partner/SO. There are 50% of populations belonging to non-limerent tribe, even just in the West.

“here’s a sense of rebellion that can be interesting. Maybe rebellious is a better word than dangerous. They’re not following the scripted program. They’re not playing by the rules. “

First of all, not all rules are “bad” or need to be rebelled against; without certain rules, a society would become anarchical. Secondly, one should never rebel for the rebellions’ sake, but wisely rebel with one’s education, talents, and sounding reasons. Thirdly, one should not rebel at a cost of “harming” oneself, eg. abusing drugs, alcohol, & other substance, ignoring decent education and basic responsibilities to oneself and others…

In a nutshell, one should be wisely Selfish, rebellious or obedient or anywhere in between. Otherwise, who suffers⁉️ I’m not attacking the society/culture here, but feel sorry for so many suffering souls; how many rock/pop stars died of over dose of drugs/medicines, alcohol, etc… I’m very glad to see Madonna is still alive‼️

”They’re bored and they’re cruel. I think in the book Anna had stayed away from rich society even though her husband was wealthy. She only starts hanging around those people to be around Vronsky. “

Very true. They’re cruel under a mask of civilization, gentility, charisma, and education. In the beginning, Anna was elegant, sweet, caring, mostly content, loved by her son, brother, sister-in-law, nephews and nieces…. Later after hanging around those wastrels of the society, look what happened to her⁉️

****
“Again, I don’t know what you mean. “

❄️ : [… so he [MJ] dared to defy your ladyship’s order…]
Marcia: “And he will pay for that. “ 🙂
❄️ : [I can’t wait to see how he’s going to pay for it… ]
Marcia: “It’s probably not worth our effort. Better to focus our attention on other dudes. “🙂
❄️ : [“Who are other dudes in your mind? ”] 😉
Marcia: “We have to find new ones! And if none appear for a while … we wait! ”🙂
❄️: Wait for whom⁉️ With us 👯‍♀️ Tik Tok like this on the stage, with your sharp insights and witty lips, no singleton dude dares to emerge from behind the [LwL purple or burgundy] velvet curtains (if they’re silently testing LwL water)… They’d run to Jupiter asking for God’s mercy… 🤭

I’m patiently waiting to see who dare to come onto the stage to tango with the ONE-and-Only Marcia. 😋

Hi Norma,

I just saw your comment, sorry! I‘m not as active at the site as I‘ve been, although I do check in, but I cannot keep up with comments and it’s a maze here…
No, you never made me feel uncomfortable, please don’t think that!
Maybe it’s just a phase, or maybe it’s because I’m not limerent any more, but I don’t feel I should share my inner stuff here any more. When I post in a public forum, of course there‘s no control over who might read it. That scares me sometimes a lot.

Also, I‘m sometimes a bit sensitive about judgement and comments (but no one here was out of line ever, I want to clarify ! It’s not your fault, it’s me)when I feel misunderstood, and why post on a forum if you don’t want to get judged or commented.

That’s all, and a big part of it might be not limerent any more. It’s a sign that I’m very used to be limerent that I’m still hanging around here, and also a sign that I’m not very good at letting people go (my last limerence was actually caused by that inability), I still wonder about Imho and Bewitched, Lost in Space and federico or LaR because I felt a kinship there, and I’m also glad to hear from Lovisa, Snow, Marcia, Adam, MJ, Limerent Nurse and of course you, somehow it’s good to see that everyone is alive and kicking.
Still, I feel it slipping away a bit, I don’t read every post as I have been doing , I’m not as keenly interested, maybe it’s a longish goodbye, and I think it might be good for me in the end.
The site helped me a lot, thanks Dr L for all the amazing info and for letting us ramble along here in some sort of self-therapy!
But maybe it’s good at some stage to leave the terminology of limerence, LO, SO, NC etc, they were helping immensely in the acute limerence, but for healing and leaving at the very end of it, I feel it‘s good not to categorize any more, and just let LOs blend into the fabric of my life.
Don’t know if that makes sense.

Anyway , I wish you the best and please don’t feel that you said/did anything wrong.

Snow,
Oh, he really does. He has a great voice.

Miss Marcia,

This was the very First song I accidentally came across, probably in 2023 late Fall, with Dimash’s singing — like a voice from out of space…

https://youtube.com/shorts/JCfS5RI6-jk?si=xOkKmv8BrLGSZUIQ

I said something in the blog here that only this song’s pitch could match up to the intensity of my Limerence pain back in the Spring of 2024 — I had no word/tone for it, when I had to leave the old work in a couple of months…

I also said back the May of last year that the fate might be a blessing in disguise, despite there was no sight of any sort in front of my 👁️ …. You see, my intuition was rarely wrong, although it more than often lingered against all rationality/logic….

Later, his songs played more roles to bring me out of limerence and the icky longing… Now, I feel like in my spiritual teen — carefree with “plum cheeks”😊…

Going to his concert is not an impulsive act….

Dimash is the ONLY singer in the world who can sing 6 octaves in any given song, here it goes —

https://youtube.com/shorts/velC_U2neoE?si=fZnmMxEOA2kqEQaY (short, 1 min)

“no such a peachy scene took place in my youth…”
Well, me, neither, really.

“Have you seen any first date in that level of soul/Glimmer colliding? I think it’s due to the effect of tasing “forbidden fruit”.”
I’m not sure what you mean.

“With us 👯‍♀️ Tik Tok on the stage, no singleton dude is daring to emerge from behind the velvet curtains… They’d run to Jupiter asking for God’s mercy… 🤭”
Again, I don’t know what you mean.

“She definitely said something along that line — be closer to him through Martin.”
She did say that, but she also said she wants to marry the son. She wants both. Passion with the father, companionate love with the son. That’s as close of an explanation that I can come up with. If she were to be with the father permanently, the passion would die.

” She’s not interested even in a regulated affair.”
I don’t know what you mean by “regulated” affair. She wants to have her freedom, and the son gives that to her in the way the father couldn’t. He’d be possessive.

“That’s the question one would ask: why do you need to take forbidden fruits to fell ALIVE⁉️ ”
I don’t think it needs to be forbidden, but passion dies. I think that’s the issue with almost every limerent on here. And I think it’s human nature to want to feel that again.

“Proust even believed that the imaginations of being with a lover could send a man to the Moon, but not long.”
True. But what a trip. 🙂 Is it worth it in the end? I don’t know. Obviously, not in the movie Damage. But that’s an extreme. It’s a novel. The “damage” had to be catastrophic.

” It’s limerence, with his knowing the term.”
Yes

“They understand each other on the pair-bonding level… they didn’t talk a lot with each other due to their extreme unavailability.”
I seem to remember a long speech in which she tells him about her brother.

“I hate the phrase: playing game! ”
Game on is an expression. It’s means to get things started. I didn’t mean playing a game. There’s actually an absence of game playing when they meet. There’s no song and dance of a traditional courtship. He pursues while she plays hard to get. They meet and both know exactly what’s going to happen.

“I need to drive a small truck loaded one or two dozens of them… so far, only 2 appeared in my slight… not promising…🫤”
Welcome to middle age! 🙂

“In my previous message, the word “terrify” had quotation marks. Then why it’s okay for Grey Wise to “terrify” Emma? How about sweetly & sexily “terrifying” before fondling your pro and doing a memorable JOB — sounding so laborious…⁉️”
The word “fondling” is so icky.

“It’s so psychological incorrect to treat it as a performance or a task… 🙄”
On some level it is a performance.

“I still feel that it’s just you and some who strongly hold this view. It’s a psychological dilemma of living in peaceful time…”
Nope. Google it.

When people live under wars or constant political turmoils just want to simply “peachy” time.
You keep bringing it back to your COO. I don’t live there. I’m talking about the West.

“If I have to worry that my dashing partner could possibly sneak rut for an affair whenever he can, where would be my sense of “safety” or peace?”
I’ve thought of that myself. Is it just a matter of time before one’s partner falls for someone else?

“Count me out! Rock Stars, particularly ones from the West, would be the last specie men I’d go to…. I never needed such a stimulus.”
There’s a sense of rebellion that can be interesting. Maybe rebellious is a better word than dangerous. They’re not following the scripted program. They’re not playing by the rules.

“So I need to go there on Sat/Sun to have LEG check in my clothes… 🤣”
Yeah. And bring a camera! 🙂

” I think no one should be idle whether having wealth or not… otherwise, all sorts of idle diseases would breathe in their souls…. the biggest one— boredom.”
They’re bored and they’re cruel. I think in the book Anna had stayed away from rich society even though her husband was wealthy. She only starts hanging around those people to be around Vronsky.

“Dimash looks so much older more, more serious and less sweet… I don’t even like his expression in this song (Feb. 2025, less than 1 min.)”
Good God can he sing low! And also high! He looks best in the first clip. The last one … he needs to lose the turtleneck sweater. (Although his hair is great in that clip.) 🙂

“Just remembered: she had seen the father before they met the first time at the party, because she recognized him immediately and walked up to him, while he had no idea who she was.”
But I don’t think she’s plotted to meet him. They happen to meet and there’s this weird energy between them. And he’s never felt as strongly for the wife. At any time.

“Just thought of an analogy of innate desires for forbidden fruit: have you ever seen any two-year old toddlers, stamping floor and screaming, “I want another Mommy’s nipples, now, now, and now‼️” 😉”
Can’t say as though I have. 🙂

Samira Negrouche

translated from the French by the author

Who crosses into you when you cross

Who crosses when you don’t cross

Who doesn’t cross when you cross

Who crosses when you can’t cross

Who doesn’t cross when you don’t cross

Who doesn’t want to cross

Who thinks they’re crossing

Who doesn’t look at you while crossing

Who might take the time to look at you.

******

Poème du 24 septembre

Qui traverse en toi quand tu traverses

Qui traverse quand tu ne traverses pas

Qui ne traverse pas quand tu traverses

Qui traverse quand tu ne peux pas traverser

Qui ne traverse pas quand tu ne traverses pas

Qui ne veut pas traverser

Qui croit traverser

Qui ne te regarde pas en traversant

Qui prendra peut-être le temps de te regarder.

Typo:

“The time of your YOUTH period was soooo different from mine… “

Yes she also likes the sweet son, but not as much as the intensified lust for the devilishly sexy father.

“ It’s limerence, without his [Proust} knowing the term.”

Just remembered: she had seen the father before they met the first time at the party, because she recognized him immediately and walked up to him, while he had no idea who she was.

Binoche was so mysterious and chilling that the wife and daughter instantly did not like or trust her… I’d be terrified by those beautiful, haunting eyes…

Just thought of an analogy of innate desires for forbidden fruit: have you ever seen any two-year old toddlers, stamping floor and screaming, “I want another Mommy’s nipples, now, now, and now‼️” 😉

After over 6 miles of waking in total, I also got Covid and Flu shot yesterday evening, so now I’m feeling sick, as if having a flu… luckily, I don’t have to work, due to Jewish New Year.

Miss Marcia,

“You know what I watch that reminds me of being a teenage? … And I think: Yes, that’s the reaction I had when I was young, too. 🙂 I get a kick out of watching them.”

The time of your period was soooo different from mine… there was no comparison at all, except hormone and crushes that were taboo topics…

[Driven by their hormones, they just want to get together, pass flowers, share ice cream, drinks, and meals under the blue sky and peach trees…”]

“Wouldn’t it be wonderful if this is all we had to worry about? 🙂”

The scenes in the song of “My Beauty” is my imagined youth time… how it could and would be… no such a peachy scene took place in my youth…

“I like the song “Boy with Luv.”

I have to check that out.

“5 miles … that’s a long walk. Are your legs sore?”

Nope, I walk regularly and fast from 4-6 miles a day if I have time — just not taking subway but walking to my destination.

“Oh, ok. I was talking about the early stages of dating.”

Have you seen any first date in that level of soul/Glimmer colliding? I think it’s due to the effect of tasing “forbidden fruit”.

“That’s ridiculous. She shouldn’t even dignify that in any way.”

That’s my exact reaction: why Macron even bother to answer/agree such a procedure⁉️

[“Who are other dudes in your mind? ”]
“We have to find new ones! And if none appear for a while … we wait! 🙂”

With us 👯‍♀️ Tik Tok on the stage, no singleton dude is daring to emerge from behind the velvet curtains… They’d run to Jupiter asking for God’s mercy… 🤭

“I remember her saying this. “But she definitely wants to marry the son. I don’t think it’s just to be near the father.”

She definitely said something along that line — be closer to him through Martin. (I’ll check my DVD again, I have Louis Malle’s whole set). Yes she also likes the sweet son, but not intensified lusting for the devilishly sexy father.

Here, I might remember incorrectly. She was watching his talk on TV later after their several encounters. He was a MP.

“I think she started dating the son and then met the father. And she makes it clear to the father that they can’t be together. She doesn’t have the kind of relationship with the father that could translate to “Could you pass me the salt?” at the breakfast table.”

Correct. He wants a “norm/logistic” of a secret affair, but she wants playing by ear. She’s not interested even in a regulated affair.

“He’s alive. For that short period of time, he’s alive. Obviously, it’s a hideous ending. He’s alone, only with that big picture of her in his house.”

That’s the question one would ask: why do you need to take forbidden fruits to fell ALIVE⁉️ Are human beings born with such a psychology or it is caused by social/cultural conditions❓

Proust even believed that the imaginations of being with a lover could send a man to the Moon, but not long. Then, a bit more realistic temptation, then more imaginations. It’s limerence, with his knowing the term.

“No, I have zero interest in dating a man and having an affair with his father. 🙂 I meant that they understand each other. “

They understand each other on the pair-bonding level… they didn’t talk a lot with each other due to their extreme unavailability.

“Like I wrote in the earlier post: There’s a recognition. They kind of circumvent all the usual, socially appropriate steps of courtship (for lack of a better word). It’s just: Game on.”

I hate the phrase: playing game! Ever since I heard the story of “Hunchback of Norte Dome” (red by Dad), I thought/believed dallying at someone’ heart is the cruelest crime in the world. But these two are defying all morality and social norms to the extreme… — nerve rocking/raking‼️

“I think you’d be driving the car if you got with one of them. (I’m teasing.) 🙂”

I need to drive a small truck loaded one or two dozens of them… so far, only 2 appeared in my slight… not promising…🫤

“I don’t really want to terrify someone. Do a memorable job they can’t get out of their head, maybe. 🙂”

In my previous message, the word “terrify” had quotation marks. Then why it’s okay for Grey Wise to “terrify” Emma? How about sweetly & sexily “terrifying” before fondling your pro and doing a memorable JOB — sounding so laborious…⁉️It’s so psychological incorrect to treat it as a performance or a task… 🙄

“It’s not. It’s very common. I’ve already written this, but I’ve read several times that going to an amusement park can help increase attraction on a date. The thrill of the rides gets people riled up.”

I still feel that it’s just you and some who strongly hold this view. It’s a psychological dilemma of living in peaceful time…

When people live under wars or constant political turmoils just want to simply “peachy” time. They just want to sunk deeply in their sweet bed without worrying some secret policemen who could just knocking at your door anytime and check on your “safety”. Last time in 2015 when I visited my parents, they had to register in the community about my visit and stay for 2 weeks, because I have a foreign passport.

“OMG, he’s so dull. And she’s so awful to him, and he puts up with it.”

Of course, Flaubert wanted to create an extremely sample to carry his message. But in reality, Emma’s hubby type is uncountable… what happens if Binoche married Irons in “Damage”, let’s say after he getting divorce from his wife, and she from his son?

“I think you’re equating “unsafe” with some serial killer who would cut you up into tiny pieces. It’s nowhere near that level of danger. There’s just a hint of it. “

If I have to worry that my dashing partner could possibly sneak out for an affair whenever he can, where would be my sense of “safety” or peace?

“Why do you think women love rock stars? They seem like they’re about to do something they’re not supposed to.”

Count me out! Rock Stars, particularly ones from the West, would be the last specie men I’d go to…. I never needed such a stimulus.

”That’s what you want. 🙂”

I had them, feeling so out of control. Then, I had PVC in 2021, feeling terrible, no fun.

“So I can see what he looks like in his skinny jeans. 🙂”

You’d be disappointed by its volume….The more I talk about them here, the less I want to go back to look at them or interact with them. I find out whoever checks in customer’s clothes would have their 1st name printed on the picking-up receipt. So I need to go there on Sat/Sun to have LEG check in my clothes… 🤣

”Do you do all those decimal points when you grade students?”

Down to 0.5, so 8.5 or 13.5, nothing less! 😒

“I agree. Vronsky is essential a ne’er do well. Army commission because he’s from a wealthy family. Part of the upper class social scene, and they’re all so bored, they just have affairs.”

I used to think the upper class was noble… Then tons of literature and real cases I heard completely changed my views…. I think no one should be idle whether having wealth or not… otherwise, all sorts of idle diseases would breathe in their souls…. the biggest one— boredom.

“I thought Jude Law as Anna’s husband was very good. He manages to make you feel sorry for him. A lot of other portrayals I’ve seen just make him into an ogre.”

That’s an acting skill! Normally, her husband is repulsed.

“I agree. She seems like a grown woman who men would risk something for.”

Yes, men would to risk something for her and to protect her. She has natural vulnerability/sensitivity hanging on her face. The same with Irons.

“Don’t be mad … I couldn’t get through the book. SO. MANY. PAGES. about Levin’s farm.”

I read it in COO tongue ages ago and then listened to the entire audio book in its English version, when I was walking my Friday in the park before 2015. It took a week or so to finish.

“Does he look older now? You wrote that video you posted was from 2017. Based on that video … he looks so young … I’d be worried about getting arrested. 🙂”

Dimash looks so much older more, more serious and less sweet… I don’t even like his expression in this song (Feb. 2025, less than 1 min.)

— https://youtu.be/Mb_2rWk2kcY?si=MD9od0o1w6oR34xR

Here is him from 2012 to 2025, singing the same melody (1:17 min.) He’s been “beautified” a lot! Look at his teeth in 18…

https://youtu.be/tDvU-pjq4bI?si=5V4ma9wfl7rV–yl
There is a rumor saying that he had a double-eyelid surgery.

In my dream, he looked like in this one (2021) with the same hairstyle in casual clothes (whitish shirt, jeans?) — https://youtu.be/8mM-bp5PB34?si=1xFcRsaG1e22r7oJ

I like him in burgundy costume.