Hi ghostzoned. Yeah, good points. Individual traits can be interpreted in different ways (especially when drunk on limerence… “Oh, he started a fight because someone bumped into him – he’s so assertive and go-getting!”)

I’d say the way to manage this is to look for two things. First, find the traits that especially excite the glimmer in you. They will be the cause of the limerent attraction, and so the critical traits for feeling “chemistry”. If they are negative traits, then yikes, sorry, best to look elsewhere.

But, if the glimmery traits are neutral or ambiguous (like being playful), then the second thing is to look for obvious red flags that mean they are likely to be a poor match when it comes to compatibility. As you say, being attracted to playful because they are confident, energetic and flirty is neutral, but if they flirt with *everyone* and have a chaotic and impulsive life then… probably safer to look for good playful elsewhere.

“Immature, Flaky, Easily Bored, Promiscuous, Attention-Seeking, Chaotic, Risk Taking, Boundary Pushing

So, a net negative.”

These words describe my LF.
When I was trying to get with her, I was blind to them, but now I see it for what it was.

Like you, I think I also dodged a bullet..

One tricky problem is that many traits can be interpreted positively or negatively.

For example: “Playful”

It sounds positive.

In the context of my LO, this aspect could be viewed as:
Energetic, Confident, Capricious, Flirty
(These all sound like nice and fun traits to have, but in terms of long term stability, would be predominantly neutral)
as well as:
Immature, Flaky, Easily Bored, Promiscuous, Attention-Seeking, Chaotic, Risk Taking, Boundary Pushing

So, a net negative.

I suppose I’d have to treat each sub-trait as a separate trait, if they could be significant enough to be a trigger in their own right.

Hi Tom!
You´re right. It was my Adblocker that removed the form. Now I can see it after disabling it.

I´ve completed your intensive course and bought your book. I´m still experiencing limerence towards new people but I can handle it better and I put up rules and boundaries when experiencing the glimmer. They´re always in a relationship and looking for excitement outside of that so there´s a pattern (for me).

Thank you for your work!

All the best
Benway

One of the distinguishing features of this blog, is that it doesn’t demonise the experience of limerence.
After all, many creative works throughout history were almost certainly spurred by LE’s.

I liken the LE to the “manic” aspect that bipolar people experience, it’s like an incredible high (I don’t have bipolar, but know people who do), which boosts creativity and productivity through the roof!
It would be wonderful to be able to harness that excess energy..

Unfortunately for me, my personal triggers are predominantly negative with a sprinkling of neutral and just one or two positive (fortunately in an extremely rare combination, so it’s safe to say I’m unlikely to ride that tsunami again..)

My LE seems so far away (the height was about a year ago), I wonder if I would have been honest enough with myself at that point to apply this guide.
I know I was seeing red flags as green..

But at least I can be happy that I’d dodged a bullet, or an entire clip even.
Thanks very much!

Hi Benway,

You have to complete the form at the bottom of the post to access the guide. I am asking people to sign up to the email list to get it!

Let me know if you can’t see a form – there could be a software issue on some browsers…