Lady Snow,

“I figured out why the system would not load my original post, which mentioned the name of common painkiller, t-ylenol.”
I don’t find Tylenol all that effective for pain. Do you?

“(I normally keep 2 or 3 LwL pages open on the browser, so can check new messages at the same time of composing a piece). ”
I do that, too.

“NYT article is saying that those “need to lay low” guys are also very sweet, smart, successful, excellent in sex, etc. But they made their dates wait even in bed or just disappeared after a couple of “journey to the moon”. ”
Lay low dudes wouldn’t be “excellent in sex.” They have to … um … make some effort. 🙂 I was kidding, but I mean that in general. Effort to keep up communication, to make/arrange dates. It’s all under the same umbrella. That’s what I meant by watching their behavior. Flim-flammers fall away pretty quickly.

“Thus her claim is that the old fashioned “man-woman” dynamic is dead and a new one is NOT here yet. The dating life is forcing women to wait, in actions and expectations❗️”
That may be true. I haven’t done enough dating of late to really get a good sense of how pervasive the behavior is. I’d say if the guy isn’t stepping up (or if he disappeared), walk away. What else can you do?

“Here marks a difference between you and me: I’d go out with him with NO expectations of a possible relationship; like MJ says, “just to have a cup of coffee” as two ordinary human beings.”
It’s just a matter of having the same mindset with the person. When I started the online stuff, I didn’t really know what I wanted. Now I’m just narrowing it down.

“Marcia Sis, your way of approaching this sounds a bit “controlling” to me.”
How is that controlling? I’m not telling him what to do or what to want. All I’m saying is that one has to be in the headspace of being ready for a relationship. I don’t mean psychotically focused on it but open to it. And if someone isn’t, there’s no point in hanging out with them.

“He’s another person, whatever he thinks, feels, says, and does is out of our control. If he’s not ready or open to the idea of “relationship”, we have to respect that state of his mind, no matter how much we want him to make up his mind.”
Where was I saying anything different?

“I purposefully did not include writers in my last post (only singers and painters). For some reasons, silent words inspire me more of ACTIVE/RESPONSIVE reading and creating, not the same as being passively driven by highly intensified musical notes or following repetitive lyrics.”
Hearing music tends to be a more visceral experience than reading someone’s writing. But it depends on the writer.

“Have you seen the series, “Desperate Romantics”, it’s interesting, but not highly rated series. ”
I haven’t. No.

“Some classical music stimulates my senses and imagination, but not my intellect.”
I like music that’s a little grittier. 🙂 I don’t know a lot about classical.

“I was saying that I refused to accept that COO or my familial conditioning as a part of my innate nature. ”
I mean, I understand. I would like to completely remove all of my family conditioning! But I don’t know if that’s possible.

“After one year, my new work environment is still so boring and demoralizing, without any LO material ”
My work environment is very boring, too. There’s no one there I would befriend and spend time with outside of work. I like a lot of my co-workers, but they’re not “friend material.”

“I’m not discouraging you at all to do all those wonderful activities, for your OWN interests/hobbies and making new friends, NOT just for meeting potential dates.”
That’s what I’m doing. I’m not looking for dates at these things. As so far, I haven’t found any. 🙂

“Dating site is just aversive to me personally; but by all means you go for it if you can stomach its culture! Trifles 🍨 has had a good luck so far❗️”
I think they’re awful. I just don’t know where else to meet available men. I’m not coming across them in my daily life as I’m out and about. So at some point, after taking my anti-nausea pills, I’ll get back on them. 🙂

“I meant in our MIND. Pro-active applies to my solo activities”
To me, pro-active is the very antithesis of what goes on in our minds. It’s not thinking; it’s doing. It’s taking what’s in our minds out into the physical realm and making a decision and acting on it.

“Can you try that 3 Stoic steps I previously wrote in our “In Search of the Lost Mind and Time in Liemrence”❓”
I’d like to quit, but I have no other job lined up. And if I quit, I just go from the box I’m in now to another box (a new job).

Lady Marcia,

“I rewrote my morning post and tried 8 times to post it, but the system would not allow it”

I figured out why the system would not load my original post, which mentioned the name of common painkiller, t-ylenol.


“That’s so frustrating! A similar thing happened to me … I was typing out an almost-finished response to one of your War and Peace chapters ( :)) , left for a while, came back, forgot I was tying out a message and refreshed the page to see if there were any new posts. And then I wiped out my entire message. AHHHHH! “

So sorry for you! That happened to me several times, even without me refreshing page, just left for the desk for 3-5 minutes. (I normally keep 2 or 3 LwL pages open on the browser, so can check new messages at the same time of composing a piece). Now, I copy-n-paste to my “note” to write so I could edit better in a much larger screen and never lose a piece.

“A small percentage of them will be pro-active. Just sit back and watch their behavior … you will know where things are going/where things stand.”

NYT article is saying that those “need to lay low” guys are also very sweet, smart, successful, excellent in sex, etc. But they made their dates wait even in bed or just disappeared after a couple of “journey to the moon”. Thus her claim is that the old fashioned “man-woman” dynamic is dead and a new one is NOT here yet. The dating life is forcing women to wait, in actions and expectations❗️

“I meant that I am currently not doing anything to meet men. Not actively. I’m not on the sites, I’m not asking friends to set me up, etc. “

That’s not a bad pause, imp. Just focus on your own purposeful living. Some avaiable guys may just suddenly bumped into your path tomorrow!

“Now, if I did meet someone who I liked and who liked me … and he asked me out and we had a discussion ahead of time about what he was looking for and he said something like, “I just go with it,” no, I would not go out with him. “

Here marks a difference between you and me: I’d go out with him with NO expectations of a possible relationship; like MJ says, “just to have a cup of coffee” as two ordinary human beings.

“I would want the word “relationship” to at least be on his radar screen if he met the right person. “

I would NOT want that word in the interaction, since I might not know on my side, either. He’s another human being, having coffee, lunch, or whatever is all human interaction, which is fine. I’d be curious to find out who he is, as a character in my book of life.

“Might not be with me, we don’t know each other. But I’d like him to at least be open to the idea and thinking about it and able to verbalize that. “

Marcia Sis, your way of approaching this sounds a bit “controlling” to me. He’s another person, whatever he thinks, feels, says, and does is out of our control. If he’s not ready or open to the idea of “relationship”, we have to respect that state of his mind, no matter how much we want him to make up his mind.

“Huh? Some of them are highly romantic and very moving with the right music.”

Agree! I often let that piece run 2-3 days on my phone and then I get over with it. I can be very touched by some melodies and feel highly emotional, which I usually couldn’t find words to describe. 😕


“Really no different than highly romantic poetry (minus the music).”

I purposefully did not include writers in my last post (only singers and painters). For some reasons, silent words inspire me more of ACTIVE/RESPONSIVE reading and creating, not the same as being passively driven by highly intensified musical notes or following repetitive lyrics. Active reading involves a great deal of one’s inner reflecting, searching, echoing, discovering “unknown” selves, and even creating a renewed self.

“Every reader, as he reads, is actually the reader of himself. The writer’s work is only a kind of optical instrument he provides the reader so he can discern what he might never have seen in himself without this book.” — Proust.

“I wasn’t talking about being attracted to the actual singer, although I have been. But that their expression of singular desire for one woman is not something I’ve experienced in my life but wanted. “

I’ve watched a lot of artists’ and musians’ dramatized biographical movies, and is mostly drawn by writers and their mentality and creativities in words. Have you seen the series, “Desperate Romantics”, it’s interesting, but not highly rated series. Some classical music stimulates my senses and imagination, but not my intellect. 🤔


“But I’m not in COO, my precious! You asked me, personally, if this was my nature or cultural conditioning. I gave you my best guess.”

I was saying that I refused to accept that COO or my familial conditioning as a part of my innate nature. So I’ve tried to find out 🔎 what I would be like without their influences, especially negative ones 🔍 . One can only do this by living in another culture with an 👁️!


 “You say you’ve rewired your conditioning … but you reference your COO a lot. (It’s an observation, not a criticism.) “

Every culture has its jewels and garbages. Only through a comparison, referring COO in my dialogues with you (collectively), I could see or sense how I was molded and has changed, evolved… and which modern parts of COO I need to trash out more and witch traditional values to keep…. I do it with American culture, too…. You know I’m very curious about others and myself 🦚 😆

[“You’re very logical here, while the entire human being history is unfolded perhaps 80% arbitrarily. Yes, sometime (20%) when one did nothing, things still happened, particularly in the arena of human interactions and connections.”]. 
“I couldn’t calculate a percentage on this stuff.”

I cannot, either! So I just used the Pareto 80-20 split theory and my experiences — a 95-5 split.


“Sure, I could go to work tomorrow and meet a new co-worker and become the kind of friends who meet up outside of work. It could happen. That’s an example of doing nothing. “

That’s me, too, without becoming friends with anyone yet. After one year, my new work environment is still so boring and demoralizing, without any LO material 🙄🤭

“I stumbled on the new friend. However, I’ll still probably have more success in meeting new friends if I join some social groups. Because, for one, I’d be meeting new people who were of the mindset of getting out and meeting people. “

I’m not discouraging you at all to do all those wonderful activities, for your OWN interests/hobbies and making new friends, NOT just for meeting potential dates. Moreover, PREPARE mentally that you may still not meet right men for dating — Stoic! Nonetheless, Go, Go, Go for those activities‼️

“Whereas often with work … people are just there to work. It’s the same as meeting a man at work … those guys are often already partnered. “

A very true reality everywhere, c’est la vie!

“Whereas on a dating site I at least have a greater chance they aren’t. It’s not a matter of control. It’s just putting my energy where I would have a better chance of success. “

Dating site is just aversive to me personally; but by all means you go for it if you can stomach its culture! Trifles 🍨 has had a good luck so far❗️

[“Feeling worried, depressed, hopeful or complaining won’t help anything; only actions DO!”]. 
“I’m not clear what you mean. You just wrote you don’t want to be pro-active. “

I meant in our MIND. Pro-active applies to my solo activities, without this desire of “wanting men” hanging in my head constantly or even at all, okay, maybe 1-5% 😊

[“Try to make it a Groundhog Day when the Sun peeks at you in the morning…”]


“They’ve dumped work on me the last two days … you know how I feel about that. “

Oh, no! 😠 Can you try that 3 Stoic steps I previously wrote in our “In Search of the Lost Mind and Time in Liemrence”❓

“I haven’t forgotten the long post; will get to it.”

No worries! Take your time… 🤗

LaR,

“Like if you take my parents in contrast, he can’t cook and she doesn’t have a clue about their money. Whichever of them lives the longest is going to be hampered by not being able to do some pretty basic things.”
That’s not uncommon and I think it’s dangerous. Did your parents marry when they were very young? Did they not have to live on their own for a while before marrying?

I noticed you ignored my comment about a man having MALE friends. 🙂 I was serious when I wrote that. I don’t know if a guy having female friends would be a deal breaker for dating him but it would give me pause. Same if he was friends with a bunch of his exes.

“I have many friends whose relationships are this way.”
I think it’s cringe. It’s one of the reasons that close guy friendship of mine really changed. He can only seem to talk on the phone now if he’s at work or driving home from work, which means he can talk for maybe 10 minutes. It’s ridiculous. We used to have long phone calls. (We don’t live near each other.) Thus, I avoid the calls now. (For the record, he and I don’t flirt with each other; it’s not that type of party.)

“All of it really, but here are examples: MBTI – what makes certain personalities click and others not, and how to use knowledge of it to improve relationships with people you don’t naturally click with; how that can help at work and in life;”
Do you mean people you have to click with … because you’re kind of stuck with them? 🙂

“No. If someone only liked me for that, I would not be attracted.”
I feel the same way. If a man was there for any other reason than he liked me and desired me, I would be turned off.

[“He did not ding an instant yes. And, no, I don’t see him as a potential (if by that you mean an attraction could grow).”]
“OK I got you.”
Aren’t you going to ask me how I could hook up with him then?
(Just an FYI … I don’t think it’s going to happen anyway. I had a feeling things might go like this. Thus the reason I set up the hoops. If I don’t hear from him in a day or two, I’m done. We’ve moving in to enough time passing since we last chatted that it’s getting rude. I don’t like the way he’s handling this.)

“The rest are all 6-8 starts and grew when there was more emotional connection.”
So you’re talking about the women who started off as “yes’s” ?

“I can have this other type of instant strong glimmer where it is “wow, she’s hot”, but that’s more like if it was someone in a film – I haven’t often thought of those as realistic prospects.”
So you just had no interest in pursuing them? Or didn’t think they’d reciprocate ?
I can see men when I’m out and about who I think are attractive but I don’t know if I’d call my noticing them a glimmer. There’s nothing motivating me to want to do more (approach them, chat them up, etc.) I’d say it’s more appreciation than attraction. Or they’re way too young, etc.

“I know the exact moment when she switched ‘baskets’.”
She “picked up” a pencil on the floor ? 🙂

“I think so. Kind of ‘maybe / there is something about her / I am not averse / I wouldn’t mind getting to know her better to see’”
That’s not my “neutral.” Neutral is … I enjoy their attention, enjoy the flirty energy, like as a friend, but don’t really want to act on it. There’s something missing that compels me to try to get the person alone in a room.

“That’s a definite Marilyn. Natural and in the right places … Ps are spontaneous and do whatever feels good to them at the time.”
I’m your girl, baby! 🙂 I’m kidding, but not really. 🙂

“I felt exhausted trying to understand those rules.”
Yes! The poly couple I know (they’re more like friendly acquaintances than friends) have talked A LOT about it with me. About “the lifestyle.” (I have the feeling they’d be open to including me if I was so inclined; I’m not and they’ve never pushed it.) The idea of the article was … whatever happened to an old-fashioned affair? The tone was obviously a little tongue and cheek, but all this “ethical non-monogamy” … has drained the juice out of everything.

[“Sarcasm implied heavily here: Yes, I’m sure gardening will do it.”]
“That response really made me laugh! ”
Thank you. I’ll be here all week. 🙂

“SO was forever asking if I was OK.”
So you seemed down to her?

“Mostly what I did was come on LwL and write long sentences to people. ”
You won’t get an argument from me on this ! 🙂

“People in this community have been the closest I have had to keeping me sane. I know that sounds sad, but hey, at times it has been true. ”
I don’t think it sounds sad.

“Not me – I comfort ate through it. ”
I have done that as well. It’s usually when hope is gone.
I think they’re connected. Limerence and food. Both a search for a dopamine hit, and there’s an addictive tendency in that.

Miss Snow,

“I rewrote my morning post and tried 8 times to post it, but the system would not allow it‼️”
That’s so frustrating! A similar thing happened to me … I was typing out an almost-finished response to one of your War and Peace chapters ( :)) , left for a while, came back, forgot I was tying out a message and refreshed the page to see if there were any new posts. And then I wiped out my entire message. AHHHHH! 🙂

“Jane Garnett, the author or that NYT article two days ago seems to be saying that even when women are doing logically ‘minimum” — waiting for a guy’s text to nail a time of next date, it’s somehow too much for the other side, who was either silent for hours or a day, or gave a lame answer “need to lay low” for a bit. Thus her frustration: women came, men withdrew. The stories in her article reminded me your dating experiences a couple of weeks ago.”
Yes, I did have that experience. A lot of messaging that went nowhere or vague mentions of meeting up and then they didn’t suggest a day/time. Or setting up a time/date and then being VERY vague about where. But I also had the experience of men who were pro-active with communication and/or nailed/dates times to meet up. That hook up I had. (With communication before and after the hookup, with determining where/how to meet up. ) And the guy I dated briefly. Particularly before the first date. He was moving things along pretty well. Messaging on the site moved to a phone call and then texting every day before the first date, etc. He started being a bit flim flammy with communication between dates 1 and 2, which is why I was leery about going on the second date. And I should have trusted my intuition. I was right. He has since date 2 fallen off the planet. A small percentage of them will be pro-active. Just sit back and watch their behavior … you will know where things are going/where things stand.

[[I sense that you ARE one of the majority based on the whole article]
“Currently, I’m not doing anything right now. If it shows up, fine. If it doesn’t, fine. “]

“Here I’m referring to that “wanting men”/women, which is a majority desire of adults — available or unavailable or somewhere in between (LaR’s married, male friend). I’m in the middle of Wanting and un-Wanting, so play by ear”
I meant that I am currently not doing anything to meet men. Not actively. I’m not on the sites, I’m not asking friends to set me up, etc. Now, if I did meet someone who I liked and who liked me … and he asked me out and we had a discussion ahead of time about what he was looking for and he said something like, “I just go with it,” no, I would not go out with him. I would want the word “relationship” to at least be on his radar screen if he met the right person. Might not be with me, we don’t know each other. But I’d like him to at least be open to the idea and thinking about it and able to verbalize that.

“Again, pop lyrics are just like romantic fictions from a gas station”
Huh? Some of them are highly romantic and very moving with the right music.
Really no different than highly romantic poetry (minus the music).

“I had never remotely felt attracted to any singers or painters”
I wasn’t talking about being attracted to the actual singer, although I have been. But that their expression of singular desire for one woman is not something I’ve experienced in my life but wanted.

“As long as a cultural part is involved, you can’t use the word, “nature”. I’ve knowingly “rewired” my previous COO conditioning (some COO friends think I’ve betrayed the culture/them). I’m trying to work on altering the familial predispositions, which frustrated me a lot by dealing with Mom.”
But I’m not in COO, my precious! You asked me, personally, if this was my nature or cultural conditioning. I gave you my best guess.
You say you’ve rewired your conditioning … but you reference your COO a lot. (It’s an observation, not a criticism.)

“You’re very logical here, while the entire human being history is unfolded perhaps 80% arbitrarily. Yes, sometime (20%) when one did nothing, things still happened, particularly in the arena of human interactions and connections.”
I couldn’t calculate a percentage on this stuff.
Sure, I could go to work tomorrow and meet a new co-worker and become the kind of friends who meet up outside of work. It could happen. That’s an example of doing nothing. I stumbled on the new friend. However, I’ll still probably have more success in meeting new friends if I join some social groups. Because, for one, I’d be meeting new people who were of the mindset of getting out and meeting people. Whereas often with work … people are just there to work. It’s the same as meeting a man at work … those guys are often already partnered. Whereas on a dating site I at least have a greater chance they aren’t. It’s not a matter of control. It’s just putting my energy where I would have a better chance of success.

“Feeing worried, depressed, hopeful or complaining won’t help anything; only actions DO!”
I’m not clear what you mean. You just wrote you don’t want to be pro-active.

“My internal pain is reducing.”
That’s good.

“Yeah, no appetite for anything! ☹️My LF and I are commiserating our struggles with taking and digesting any proteins (w’re both lactose intolerant), besides broth or rice pudding. That bloody anesthesia seemed to have killed the stomach function except giving cramps and head-aches.”
I wonder if anesthesia has a similar effect of antibiotics, which mess up your gut biome/digestion.

“Normally, I’d fast walk average 4 miles per day with some muscle strengthening exercise. My physique build and energy level are that of people 2 decades younger…”
4 miles is a lot. I do some strength training and some walking. A moderate amount.

“Try to make it a Groundhog Day when the Sun peeks at you in the morning…”
They’ve dumped work on me the last two days … you know how I feel about that. 🙂

I haven’t forgotten the long post; will get to it.

The Bridge

Elisa Gabbert

Once there was a bridge I couldn’t cross.
Cusp of summer. Sound of insects
carried with me, from Melville’s fields
in my-heart-on-the-bridge, their zzzz.

Year’s end, now. A theory of edges. A vow
to complete certain tasks—they will not
improve me, but dissipate, burn off
like vapor. I’ve already been too good.

I thought keys would fly out of my pocket
and then I would have to fly after,
to enter the terrifying room
where things blow away to.

Scraps of lists, a paper flower,
the raspberry clouds of the day’s
attenuation. A series of signs said
help was there, but not for me.

*****
One small, steady step ahead of another
You can cross all bridges on your path…

🐦‍🔥

Marcia,

“I want someone to need me but not for basic life functions they should be able to do on their own. More as a partner/friend/companion. I also don’t want to be someone’s life coach…”
I am with you on all this. In LTRs, living together etc. I have always found that a certain amount of ‘division of house labour’ is inevitable, playing to your own strengths. But I try to make sure I *can* still do near-on all of it. Like if you take my parents in contrast, he can’t cook and she doesn’t have a clue about their money. Whichever of them lives the longest is going to be hampered by not being able to do some pretty basic things.

“It seems smothering, and when people are like that with a partner, it seems they allow very little room in their life for anyone else.”
I have many friends whose relationships are this way. I won’t let mine be this way, although I was culpable for it with other SOs when I was younger.

[I’m much more into the whole ‘what goes on in the brain?’ psychology side now]
“What kinds of topics are you interested in?”
All of it really, but here are examples: MBTI – what makes certain personalities click and others not, and how to use knowledge of it to improve relationships with people you don’t naturally click with; how that can help at work and in life; how to ‘read a room’; attachment styles; neurodiversity; addiction – what goes on in the brain and how to intercept it; similar, but with mental health conditions; groupthink and the perils of it; “why can’t more people just disagree constructively?” (that’s one of my favourite soapboxes).

“And isn’t part of you kind of glad you have a little time to yourself?”
Yes, I like and need that.

[But I’m not realistically going to straight up argue this point with you when it comes to what we have to compensate with]
“But do you WANT to compensate with that?”
No. If someone only liked me for that, I would not be attracted. I do OK for myself workwise but I’m not a high earner. I gave up higher-paying work I had for a career that gave me more satisfaction, and a long time later I still see that as a good decision.

“He did not ding an instant yes. And, no, I don’t see him as a potential (if by that you mean an attraction could grow).”
OK I got you.

“Demisexual to me means a person needs to have an emotional bond before he/she experiences physical attraction. So in some cases, it sounds like you are.”
Yes, mostly but not always.

“Percentage-wise, how many of your attractions are instant versus grow over time, after getting to know the person?”
Like I said there is just that one level ten. I think my LO1 (college) was close.
The rest are all 6-8 starts and grew when there was more emotional connection.
I can have this other type of instant strong glimmer where it is “wow, she’s hot”, but that’s more like if it was someone in a film – I haven’t often thought of those as realistic prospects.

“And I’m assuming that an initial NO never moves to a potential?”
You assume right 🙂

“So your LO was an initial “potential” but not an immediate Yes?”
Correct. She grew on me (like a wart 😄 – I jest). There was nearly a decade between that initial ‘classification’ (that sounds crude – I don’t walk round with a clipboard, honestly) and me being consciously aware of a glimmer to the level where I was in any way tempted to act. I know the exact moment when she switched ‘baskets’.

“Yeah, but I felt neutral. A “potential” is a neutral feeling as you define it?”
I think so. Kind of ‘maybe / there is something about her / I am not averse / I wouldn’t mind getting to know her better to see’

“Marilyn Monroe curvaceous or Cardi B curvaceous?”
That’s a definite Marilyn. Natural and in the right places.

“What’s the difference between a J and a P?”
Over-simplifying, Ps are spontaneous and do whatever feels good to them at the time. Js are dictated to more by plans, routine, the big picture. I am not a strong J, it is quite marginal.

“Six weeks in, they were still deep in the rules.”
They must be Js! That was quite some story. I felt exhausted trying to understand those rules.

“Sarcasm implied heavily here: Yes, I’m sure gardening will do it.”
That response really made me laugh! I was trying, but I don’t know either! In the worst of it I never gave up on trying to distract myself, but nothing much worked at all. SO was forever asking if I was OK.
Alright, I’ll try again. Mostly what I did was come on LwL and write long sentences to people. People in this community have been the closest I have had to keeping me sane. I know that sounds sad, but hey, at times it has been true. Before I found LwL I just devoured other lower-quality information on the topic on the web.

“I’ve lost a pretty good amount of weight in the last few months, and if I do ever run into him, I’ll be damned if he sees me heavier. 🙂”
Good outcome. I have heard a few people on here say that. Not me – I comfort ate through it. The only time I found my appetite and weight went down was in the very anxious beginning stages.

Jmmo,

Glad to hear you’re staying strong.

When you had that parallel situation with the former work LO, how did it end, and end up between you and her?

Kiki Petrosino

You won’t feel like this forever, unless

forever is here. Follow the dark blue

blades of kale, the flat dials of sunflowers

leading back to speech, or its underside.

Love translated you across an ocean

& now you cannot really come away

or say how, exactly, your love began.

Was it music in the mouth, or weeping

in the blood? The ancestral body splits

into water & seeds, pure syllables.

Mila 🔥 🍊 🍷 & LaR 🧊 🍸 ,

Just want to add that upon the initial reading, I didn’t get the sense of “violent” or “threatening”, but this obsessed ‘being’ , (I’m not religious or mystic, either), even a concept or an identity, in the speaker’s head, which is entirely possible, like the idealized LO or phantom who does not exist in the reality, but created in our head and seeped through our 🩸veins.

Hi LaR

Yes ours was always a different tale. I’m full of admiration for you as I’ve been in a similar position with a previous work LO.

Yes, still fully NC. She is fully blocked and will remain so. I only wish it was possible to delete blocked numbers from the blocked list. We work about 5 mins walk from each other but I can almost completely avoid her, apart from chance corridor walk-pasts, of which there has so far only been one where she actually saw me.

Jmmo