Csc, a question..you might not read this comment but if you do, I am wondering: was your last LE also the one where you discovered this website and/or blog? I’m curious because I was thinking myself if having acquired all this knowledge and support about the condition of limerence, this awareness might prevent a chance of falling deep(er) into another one perhaps?

Hard to elaborate without providing more details. Whenever I try to describe more about my situation I end up giving up and deleting the paragraph. I think the basic problem of being a married limerent is pretty well understood here, though. Being limerent doesn’t mean I love my husband any less. I really do love him. But the deep love of a decades long life together is very different from the intoxicating thrill of ogling someone new. Admiring from afar increases their allure, because a fantasy figure can be perfect.

@Norma Desmond We’ve all been following your story and are wishing you well. I hope you meet someone who deserves your affections. And that when you do you are sufficiently recovered to be able to grab the opportunity.

Dear Norma

Thank you so much, that is very sweet of you.

I hope you’re doing ok x

Jmmo

To CSC:

I know your comment wasn’t addressed to me, but I feel as if it was.

I am having a rough time, made tougher by well-meaning but unkind people who are not helpful. “Tough love” does not work with me and only makes things worse.

You have been nothing but kind to me, and you have been an inspiration and an uplifting presence.

To JMMO:

Sorry I am a latecomer. I am so sad to hear of the loss of your loved one. So many tragedies in life.

@LAR
And then you have the people who “make sense” on paper but have no chemistry! No sense at all!

Serial,

“The weird thing about limerence is it doesn’t seem to matter what kind of person the LO is.”

That’s so weird to try and fathom when you put it like that, isn’t it?!

@Norma
My last LO—He turned out to be narcissistic, and I was shocked at how he treated me, after years of being sweet to me. It was a very hard NC and took a long time to get past, even knowing the truth about him. I kept hoping that he would come to me and apologize for everything and we’d be friends again. But years passed and he didn’t do that; in fact, the opposite happened. The weird thing about limerence is it doesn’t seem to matter what kind of person the LO is. But nowadays, I might remember some things, regret some things, but the LE is long gone.

Dearest csc

My wonderful BLP

I am so proud of you. The waves that you describe, as you well know, are normal and inevitable. I too get those waves, but like you I am very quickly able to remind myself of the harm she did me. Importantly though, what I sense is that you’re fully conscious of your role as the Limerent. Me too. But we get the point, I think, where we Can rationalise our role and measure it against their manipulation.

I can honestly say that my xLO is now nothing to me. She is an irritation that I have to constantly avoid. Almost like an allergy. That’s how she is to me now.

You have worked wonders, my darling. If I knew you I would celebrate with you, because I think you’re brilliant and inspirational.

In terms of your personal circumstances, I have absolute faith in your judgement, and know that you will make the right decision at (crucially) the right time. I will be here the whole way, as you are for me.

Lots of hugs

Jmmo

Hi @norma

From my experience, recently, I too wanted to feel like NC made sense, when I started. But, it really didn’t. It just felt hard, and depressing. In a way, I would compare it to recovering from a bad illness…one wants to feel good, but, it’s just not possible til it’s possible. Can’t be (won’t be!) rushed.

The kind of logic (like, what makes sense on paper) was not accessible to me for some time.

You have just one thing to do, stay in that nc. All the other parts of feeling better will come along when they’re ready, but don’t worry about forcing them. It’s stress you probably don’t need while you deal with just being upset and in withdrawal. It’s a shock to the system to remove a person one is attached to. A major shock. Offer yourself compassion….as you would a dear friend. You are a kind person, and you know this about yourself. It is a quality you are proud of….offer that kindness inwardly, now. You deserve it, Norma.

definitely keep us posted…i know it’s really difficult. and awful, boring, sad, weird, all the things…but i bet it will be worthwhile.
x
csc