Hookup culture isn’t something new, but these apps cater more to this type of relationship (whilst claiming to champion long-term opportunities).
It makes sense from a business model perspective.

Apparently, with hookups, it’s standard to limit encounters to 1-3× with a partner, to avoid “getting feels” (ie a connection, an actual relationship – which is what limerents crave most of all).
Alternatively, encounters are treated as sexual only, often not even bothering with the formality of a date (I believe this is termed “spinning plates”, handling multiple casual partners in a “rotation”).

Even though many of my friends did this, pre-internet, it’s something I could never get my head around, having casual sex with a stranger, with the aim of never seeing them again, or limiting interactions to just sex.

Understanding how my (former) LO adheres to this lifestyle helped greatly in getting over her.
Neither of us could offer what the other wanted most (she wanted ‘no strings attached sex’, and I, whilst limerent, wanted connection).

I think a want for freedom definitely comes into it a lot. Not necessarily wanting freedom from the spouse themselves per se, but freedom from constraints or ways of living that the limerent (consciously or subconsciously) wants to change. Some of those might be ones that they and their spouse have created between them, or fallen into as a couple. Or they may be the limerent’s own self-made constraints. Of course, the answer is to try and change them in oneself and with the spouse, instead of using an LO as a giant distraction … but it can take a while and a fair bit of pain and labour to even get to that realisation.

I have never experienced limerence outside of a committed relationship. I wonder if people like us, are just chafing at the bit of the restrictions of committed, exclusive relationships? Could the limerence bit be not so much about romance as freedom, perhaps?

There CAN be a lot of flirtatious banter, and “creating a false image” of the other person (and having feelings for them) is reportedly very common. However, contrast this with the experience of most limerents, which is fueled by NOT saying anything – just secretly, quietly longing and never quite knowing. Not that there is no uncertainty on online dating apps (or any kind of dating, really), but it is very different from the intensity of the uncertainty in limerence (usually due to barriers) – in fact, a common up-front question is usually: “What are you looking for here?”

And then there’s barriers. You’d hope most people on the apps who are actively searching are at least free of barriers (here’s looking at you marrieds who don’t see marriage as a barrier). In any case, I’d say the barrier requirement of limerence would probably not be present.

So, I would say dating apps are a sort of substitute to normal dating (not going to an in-depth analysis of that right now) but less of a substitute for the limerence experience.

🎖🐛🐌⚧🦋🏅

🎖🐛🐌⚧🦋🏅

The quote has manifested accurately in every single crush I had since teenager, even 1️⃣ or 2️⃣ crushers were plainly common (subjectively & objectively).

The worse is, when you clearly know a L🅾️ is a very wrong match for you and would definitely wreck your “old/normal/happy” life, your 💬&💓 is still 🪝 to L🅾️. Our DNA drive is 🦮 (blindly driving) our LE infected neural 🧠, so 🙁 😠!

In dating apps, everything is around status and looks — deadly 🥱!

This quote hits home for me. Limerence wrecks your ability to explore other romantic options

It says all —

https://livingwithlimerence.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/dreamstime_xs_342721965.jpg

Without shrinking the swollenness, one can’t see, hear, smell, taste, and sense anything else inside and around them… 😍😵‍💫💫

„ I believe strong desire can inhibit empathy. I think desire temporarily shuts down the empathy part of the brain.“
Spot on, Sammy. When limerent, I had difficulties to get over my desire for the other to reciprocate, validate etc and see their side of things, to see them neutrally and not always in connection with my limerent needs. It was all „I want, I need, I‘m hurt.“ Ok, not all the time, but in the worst phase.