Hi J,

I agree with Bewitched’s response. This will be very frustrating, but if she’s disengaged then any initiation of re-engagment would also have to take place on her terms.

Stories are legend in this LwL world of LOs eventually ‘circling back’ … but giving yourself some space from the whole thing now will put you in a better position if and when that time ever comes, to decide whether its a good thing for you, ergo how you want to handle it.

Wishing you more peace as the days pass.

Hi J,
The problem is that she gets a choice too – no matter how supportive you’ve been – and her choice right now is that its all “too much and she needs more space for herself”. Your description of the lead-up to this announcement reads as though, as she started to withdraw, you had maybe been trying even harder than usual?
My experience is that, once someone starts to withdraw, that needs to play itself out. If they’ve had enough of your dynamic, its important to allow them some space.
Why not just give it a break with LO for now? Ultimately, the intensity probably needs to go down before you can consider re-engaging her. And that may take a long time. But certainly, holding on tighter is unlikely to work, I think?

Hi Bewitched, thanks for your post. You wrote “Think about tit this way – if someone else at work was a bit unresponsive (emotionally or relationally), would you blame them? No you would no.” But this is not just a bit, this is me having been supportive of her and her shutting me out for I-don’t-really-know-why. Is it best to go LC/NC? (That seems to be her path) My head tells me yes but my heart hurts so much at that idea. Is this friendship/relationship really just dead and not worth trying to revive?

“there seems to be a sense of clarity in what path you need to take. ” Sorry for being obtuse but what is that path? I’m guessing it is not launching emotional diatribes trying to resurrect the friendship, which is my inclination that I sometimes give in to.

If she wants to go get lost in someone else’s eyes, just let her be Son, just let her be..

Wise Dope Lemon wisdom 👈🏻

Thank you for this. We are friends really but I just get frustrated with the jealousy thing. Would like mature adults to be friends with who they want without drama. But hey maybe they see me as drama ha. I asked about the message and got a straight answer from LO and a lie from other girl. Didn’t bother me particularly but had motivated me to withdraw a bit now. Courage and integrity… thanks for replying all x

Just to interject a short story about jealousy and LOs.

When I met LO she was single. About 8 months or so before she left the job she started seeing a young man. Now I felt the jealousy more that I lost time spent with her that she was spending with him when he would come visit her at work. Or they’d leave to go eat lunch and I would sit in the break room alone because she was off with him.

On her last day of the job, I was there. I was sitting at a desk where I could visibly see her office. She had brought both her daughters to work as it was summer and there was no school. He came in to visit her. She was happy to see him. And I could see them excitedly talk. She was talking to him. Not me.

He left. He was back in about 20 minutes. This is the southern US in June. It was probably 90-100F outside. He brought them all snow cones. If you talked to any of them and committed anything they said to memory you’d know all three of them loved snow cones. I thought to myself “dammit I gotta like this guy.” And in that instant I realized if he makes her happy than that is all that matters; she’s happy.

“Only know you love her when you let her go.”
Let Her Go — Passenger
(It just came on my mix on youtube as I was typing this. Eerie.)

I second Mila here, Whoomp!

Hi Whoomp,

whatever you do, cancel or not, please don’t get pulled into this weird competitive jealousy thing. It’s absolutely the worst! It distracts from the real problem of limerence and torments you quite unnecessarily, and destroys work relationships. Refuse to get into resentment for this woman. There’s no reason or right to be jealous of her! Be the better person of you three and simply refuse to get drawn into that pit, it’s beneath you. (I know what I’m talking about, had a competitive situation going on in LE 2, it was hell. Fun fact, this girl and me are friends now.)

Earlier in my LE, during the glimmer phases, I used to love these meetings. They gave me immense highs, but all that’s in the past now.