I follow Fenna on youtube for last 2 years. She is great! So glad to see the 2 of you cross paths on the subject of Limerence. Look forward to more collaborations!

No need to apologise, Lovisa!

Yes it is a wing-back chair, and it annoyed me too when I was editing the video. In earlier ones it was hidden behind me, but apparently this time I wasn’t sitting straight and one wing was showing.

I’ll try to find a way to mask it in future, but space is very limited in my new office/recording room!

My shoulders might also be crooked, btw 🙂

Dr L, I’m so sorry to say this, but was that a high-backed chair behind you in “The Five Phases of Limerence?” It was driving me nuts. I couldn’t stop wondering if your shoulders are crooked. I’m so sorry. Please consider wearing a lighter color or sit on a stool instead. I had to set my phone down so that I couldn’t see the screen because I just couldn’t stop worrying that there’s something wrong with your shoulder. The content of the video was great! I love love love the background lighting and pictures! I’m really sorry to bring this up.

I feel like my experience with mutual disclosure landed me in a funky spot in the limerence flow chart — but maybe it’s just another “hell” of uncertainty. Before I knew anything about the “glimmer” or even the term limerence, we both disclosed that we liked eachother (but I was married and he was in a long-term relationship at the time). So, it was like, what now?

Honestly, I was just trying to figure out what was going on, not knowing that disclosing would actually make things worse! So we both reciprocated in a way, but were unable to make an actual relationship happen because of our social barriers. So that landed me in the whole painful cycle rather than the “limerence never happens” cycle. His continually giving me compliments on my physical attributes made me think he wanted something more emotionally and relationally, when in hindsight he was probably just interested in me sexually.

Anyway, at least now I have learned that I can cut off limerence at the “glimmer” phase with hard work, denying my “flesh” and denying the connections that want to happen with my limerent brain. These are very handy tools for a recovering limerent who wants to form healthy bonds with men, and not the unhealthy bonds of limerence.

💙

Thanks, Sammy. That’s great to hear.

I feel like I’m in a new period of supercharged learning, which is exciting. I’m experimenting with the approach as I go, and finding my way in a new mode of expression. It’s fun!

I watched the video you did on “The Five Phases of Limerence” and wanted to tell you I was very impressed, content-wise. I don’t think I could have improved on your selection of content. I felt like you were talking about my own life despite not knowing me, because limerence is known to unfold in a more or less predictable pattern for everyone (who takes a passive approach to recovery).

I think you covered your talking points in enough detail, and yet the video flowed very smoothly. Your last video (on the definition of limerence) maybe felt a little stilted and “too scholarly” in places, but I don’t think that was the case this time. You’re either a natural in front of the camera or you’re good at editing your work. You had my attention the whole time. You didn’t rush. You didn’t get bogged down in description. In a very English way, you even managed to squeeze in a flow chart without completely alienating your viewers. Hahaha!

More of your natural charisma shone through in this video, which heightens the enjoyment one gets from listening to you. Honestly, you’re doing great. 🙂

💙

Just posting to let you know I tuned into your “What is Limerence?” YT video. The video came up as the thirtieth (30th) video YT showed me yesterday when I typed “limerence” into search. Initially, your video didn’t show up at all because I had misspelled limerence. (Don’t believe the hype that all limerents are evil geniuses or unusually clever people. It’s not true – we’re actually kind of hopeless. LOL).

I really liked the fact you used the term “love intoxication” at the start of the video and later on explained how neuroscientists would understand limerence as a form of “intoxication”. I thought that was a really good judgement call.

I enjoyed hearing the story of Dorothy Tennov and Helen Payne’s exchange on plane retold, even though I’d already read it in the 1999 edition of Tennov’s book.

I enjoyed hearing quotes from other limerents about what limerence was for them e.g. the euphoria, the shame, the highs, the lows, all these different emotions rolled into one. It was quite validating to hear informants describe limerence as a state of emotional overwhelm, with one’s feelings all over the place.

I think perhaps the most valuable part of the video came at the end when you explained what limerence is not. For example, some limerents might feel very troubled (and possibly ashamed) because they’re worried their current condition might in some way resemble stalking, or lead to stalking, and I think you did a good job of explaining the difference – especially the difference in motivations between people who are experiencing limerence and people who stalk.

You’re handling a very difficult and potentially explosive topic in an extremely skilled and measured way. I like your slightly down-to-earth approach. 👍

Hello French Tart,
I am glad you find some sanity saving advice on LwL and my comment was helpful. So many help me here too.

As Adam advises to use the latest Coffeehouse blog.
just scroll (a lot of scrolling on this one as it’s very active ) to ‘leave a reply’.

And if you scroll down the homepage you will see ‘Latest comments’ to help you see recent comments/ replies.

We expect a brand new coffeehouse blog will be opened tomorrow morning Europe time by Dr. L.
See you in the coffeehouse for a chat.

FrenchTart

The most recent of the Coffeehouse series blog posts are good for whatever you want to talk about. Dr. L always keeps one open. When he posts a new one he closes the older one. But there is always at least one open.

https://livingwithlimerence.com/coffeehouse-demoralisation-and-despair/