Limerent Emeritus
Thanks for your response. I totally missed it! I agree I need to figure out how to set boundaries more. I was reading these posts to my analyst this morning when I saw your response. We’ve come up with a plan and I think I’ll definitely be putting in firmer boundaries. There’s definitely a demographic that’s more prone to being limerent with me so I’ll be even more cautious with them. The mistake was definitely trying to put the boundaries in after he’d already breached the castle walls. Lesson learnt!
Thanks for your time and advice 🙂

Cordelia,

“I’ll be able to read the signs much earlier and know the only response is to remove myself as much as possible.”

Is removal the only option?

It sounds like personal interaction is a large part of your career. Maybe you can learn to leverage it to your advantage. Not in the malicious sense, in the growth sense. Learn to wield what you seem to have maliciously and you’d be pretty dangerous.

Now, what I’m going to say is coming from someone with absolutely no credentials. So, take it for what it’s worth.

What I’m getting from your posts is that people are attracted to you. That’s cool! The problem as I read it from your posts, is that you have trouble in gauging their level of interest and what they want from you. Again, just what I get from your posts.

So, bad analogy time. Think of yourself like a castle. You’re self-respect, self-esteem, happiness, etc., are inside the castle. Some castled aren’t stone forts, they’re palaces and people want to see them with no malicious intent. Some people you’re willing to let in, some you’re not.

How do you control access? You set boundaries! In a stereotypical castle, that boundary is a moat. How did they control access? They had a portcullis and a drawbridge that they could raise. A portcullis and keep someone out but it doesn’t allow for the access you want to provide. It’s not easy to walk or ride over a portcullis. Both can be raised and lowered as needed.

Now, IF you’re ADHD and on the spectrum, it might be possible that you don’t see people that approach as threat and can’t decide which or both boundaries to use. Keeping the drawbridge down but lowering the portcullis allows you to interact with someone without letting them in. Raising the drawbridge totally isolates you.

Or, if you’re a Star Trek fan, maybe it’s more of a matter of knowing when to raise the shields.

In this clip, Khan is malicious and uses deception, i.e., he’s in another Federation Starship. By the time Kirk figures it out and responds, it’s almost too late.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4srq5hi0XA – “Star Trek – The Wrath of Khan”

Make any sense?

It’s been challenging.

Thanks for your responses Emeritus. All of these posts have really helped me put the pieces together. I think I can manage things better now that I’ll be able to read the signs much earlier and know the only response is to remove myself as much as possible.

Yes ADHD with diabetes sounds tough. Hope it gets easier for you/them to manage. Are your kids still quite young?

Cordelia,

“To answer your questions I’m in my 40s, I’ve read a lot about attachment theory and I work in a field with creative and intellectual requirements. You could say I created my own job.”

I got nuthin’.

It sounds like you’re a naturally charismatic person. People respond to you. Some people would kill to have that kind of power. And, it is power.

Sometimes, it seems to get away from you. My last LE was something that hit me in the right spot and got away from me.

Keep reading. There’s a lot of good info here. See what relates to you.

No, but both my kids might have it. They got conflicting opinions on it. My son’s a Type I diabetic and his chemical plant is totally whacked.

So we met yesterday and he lost his shit. I get it. He had to. But he left me with very few other options. I could’ve just quit without the confrontation but I wanted him to know why I couldn’t stay. I suspect he will just stay in self-preservation mode and not be able to admit to himself what he was doing to me.
But lesson learnt for me. I now understand that it’s almost a power I could hold over someone (and maybe manipulative LOs do intentionally do this) so I need to be very careful who I work and socialize with. I knew right from the very first minute with my trainer that he found me attractive but I thought I could put in boundaries. I was also advised by my psychoanalyst (not psychologist) to just keep going and enjoy the flirtation. So I tried to do that but it just kept getting worse and I knew that if I put the shoe on the other foot I wouldn’t want my husband behaving that way with another woman.

To answer your questions I’m in my 40s, I’ve read a lot about attachment theory and I work in a field with creative and intellectual requirements. You could say I created my own job.

Yes I can relate to all of that. Do you also have ADHD?

Cordelia,

You mention ADHD and possibly being on the spectrum.

What is you opinion of this article? https://sharischreiber.com/inside-attention-deficit-disorder/

I love Schreiber’s work but I don’t relate to this one.