Comments on: Coffeehouse: beating limerence when no contact is impossible

By: LN

LN — Sun, 09 Jun 2024 17:18:28 +0000

In reply to Imho. Thanks!

By: Adam

Adam — Sun, 09 Jun 2024 16:48:20 +0000

I had another bad intrusive last night … I told Momma to name me names to distract me so she quizzed me on rock band names. I didn’t know a lot of them since we listen to different music. I guessed Chris Cornel was from Maroon 5 and Momma found that hilarious. But she kept my mind occupied through it all. I didn’t tell her I was having intrusive thoughts, but I think she knew. She let me fall asleep in her lap knowing that. I wish I could … guilt feels so much better to crucify myself in …

By: Imho

Imho — Sun, 09 Jun 2024 16:04:35 +0000

@LN, this is on its way to you.... (reply not required)

By: LN

LN — Sun, 09 Jun 2024 12:59:41 +0000

In reply to Adam. Yes!

By: Imho

Imho — Sun, 09 Jun 2024 08:35:38 +0000

In reply to Mila. Thanks Mila, yes I'm aware I sounded too dreamy ! Since coming here I am much more grounded in my perspective, thankfully, for all the reasons you have rightly pointed out above. Thank you for the reminders, appreciated.

By: Adam

Adam — Sun, 09 Jun 2024 01:46:08 +0000

Momma took her BP medicine that makes her sleepy. This woman. Shes more than … I am in love with her. God bless her. Nisor/Limerent Nurse did God do this for me?

By: Mila

Mila — Sat, 08 Jun 2024 09:44:57 +0000

In reply to Imho. Imho! You sound way too dreamy and „he‘s my soulmate“, special connections, only a few people etc… While I can relate because that’s what I thought about my LOs too and still think they were special people and we did/do have a special connection (not LO1, but the other two), it’s a dangerous path. Limerence feels so good when it’s on a good patch. But! Enjoy it. We go on about limerence as the enemy, but at least in my case it was also the fact of getting to know very interesting and special persons, and connection was real. And there’s a lot to enjoy about that! The trick is not to get hung up on it as a central feature of your life, mood-enhancer, validation. As I said before, the problem isn’t the LO and it isn’t wrong per se to enjoy a matching person, but what we create in our heads with it. I hope you are aware that the reason your LO seems so perfect is because you don’t see him often, only often enough to get the full chocolate side of him, never have to live with less lovable sides of him (they exist, no doubt), never really having to see if you really match etc. Easy to say someone is a soulmate then. I‘m actually really scared of your exercise. My family will think I’ve finally turned into a dangerous maniac. Do I have to do it in front of the mirror? I‘ll scare myself No, jokes aside, thank you! Might try it!

By: Imho

Imho — Sat, 08 Jun 2024 08:57:01 +0000

Hey grumpy Mila.
Open your eyes wide, open mouthed wide smile and try to raise the apple of your cheeks upwards in quick movements for 30 seconds. This will force you to smile AND you are working out your face to keep in youthful!!

‘I’m not sure if it helps the limerence that your LO reacted teasing and friendly…”. Don’t say that !
He is never cold actually always fun and kind and I could go on and on about how adorable he is ….. Sigh !

And yes, I can mostly predict when he will message.
There have been many telepathy moments with LO , if I told them all you would say “wow, what are the odds”. we had a instant special connection. Of course I know it’s the glimmer etc. but I do think you very occasionally in life meet a person (or two or three, if you are lucky) that you both instantly know that you are on the same wavelength of and immediately trust them, regardless of gender, age, physical attraction. It’s rare and special.

By: Mila

Mila — Sat, 08 Jun 2024 07:57:02 +0000

Wow, you can predict to the exact day when your LO is going to message you?

As to the embarrassing stuff, I know what you mean about calming down the limerence- it just proves once more that this is something belonging to us much more than having to do with LOs. Part of it is feeling attractive and beautiful in the eyes of LO.

I‘m actually sure that whatever you did was not so much embarrassing but endearing, and in the long run I’m not sure if it helps the limerence that your LO reacted teasing and friendly…

Yes, aging! I also get these thoughts of „get a grip, you are not that age anymore“, but well! We can be older but still attractive, can’t we?

When I‘m honest, I don’t want to do nice things, I want to do my work and feel useful, but am not. I‘m a bit grumpy.

By: Imho

Imho — Sat, 08 Jun 2024 07:48:48 +0000

Hi Mila, thanks for asking. The test was simply that there was a high chance LO was going to message me and he did. Its like a certain amount of time passes and we reach out to each other. I try to sit on my hands so that the frequency is not as often as I would like in reality.
Anyway, it went fine and I wasn’t too triggered because I did a couple of things that are quite embarrassing at work. It wasn’t terrible, but put it this way, if LO ever thought of me being glamorous, beautiful & mysterious (in my fantasy story) that is well gone! It’s almost like I pricked my own vanity bubble on purpose. It’s hurt my ego a bit but it has done wonders to calm the limerence. LO thought it was hilariously funny and enjoyed teasing me about it all, as a friend would do.
So I highly recommend this action, make an idiot of yourself , don’t be too vain. I think some of the whole LE is linked to aging that I’m trying to pretend to be younger and attractive than I actually am.
Anyway I’m not 90 yet, and neither are you Mila ! Hope you do nice things to cheer yourself up this weekend