I should also add my experiences were reciprocated, whether they were limerent or not I don’t know… I didn’t have the knowledge at the time, or I would’ve asked them! 🫠

@Maya,

That’s interesting that your limerent tendencies showed up after 10 years of stability. Is that what caused it to be over? What’s your story, if you feel like talking about it?

When I said that the limerent objects become resentment objects, I meant I resented the limerent experience once it went sour — which it always does for me — but they never knew it. I didn’t show any resentment toward them. It was all inner turmoil. Now I know it’s just part of my personal limerence cycle. And it’s that cycle I am trying to always avoid with any new, glimmery boy 💙

I think he is obvious, even if he tries to hide it, besides intuition plays a big role in this. But you are right, I don’t have to assume anything.

I like your thinking, gonna try your nuanced way to approach him 🙂

Thank you Speedwagon!

Interesting. A few thoughts…

First, how do you know you are an LO? Perhaps once he became your boss he felt he needed to maintain a more professional only relationship and he is keeping you at a distance since you are a pursuer.

Second, If he is limerent I think there is a way to talk with him without making him disclose to you. Can’t you simply tell him you enjoy his friendship, notice you don’t talk as much anymore, and want friendship to continue and ask him if that is OK? It reveals your honest desire and it might allow him to reveal his motives on his terms. He might tell you his desire for friendship on a professional level has changed since becoming boss or he might say something more romantically revealing.

Uncertainty is the fuel of limerence and right now it seems to be one big cloud of uncertainty between you both. Maybe that uncertainty needs to be burst.

If it were me, I would want to know. It’s why I ultimately disclosed. The uncertainty was driving me crazy. You are giving him the chance to talk honestly on your initiation, not his, and I tend to think that is OK.

Just thinking out loud here. Perhaps I am all wrong on this.

@Speedwagon

At the beginning our working relationship was not that of boss and employee. We were work colleagues, and we started by talking a lot, which led to building a very strong bond with flirtatious vibes. But then things changed, he was promoted and he started to set limits with me, however at times he was very friendly like before. His behavior towards me is confusing, but I think deep down he is protecting himself, which I respect.

Sometimes I think that if he told me what he feels, it would release a lot of stress or discomfort and the feelings would would become at their right dimension, it’s like a pressure cooker. I may be wrong.

I am of the idea that relationships do not have to be black and white, if he accepted my friendship even though I am his LO, it would obviously require a lot of effort on his part to not get romantic ideas in his mind, at least we could see a way to reciprocate the need to be connected in some level.

The possibilities I see are: that I stop insisting on friendship for his sake and quit my job, or that he opens up to me and we can have a friendship relationship different from the traditional one based on the truth of both. I see the light that he has as a person and I would like him to be aware of that without thinking is flirting.

I don’t know if all this helps to answer your questions 🙂

I am boss to my LO. Your perspective interests me, the fact that you desire a friendship with him? Why do you desire this friendship, what is your emotional connection to him? And what does friendship look like to you with your boss? Do you try to initiate friendship interactions with him and he pulls away?

My LO does not pursue friendship with me. She won’t shy away from me if I pursue with her, but she does very little relational initiation with me. I pretty much think she is indifferent to me.

But you have me thinking how I would respond if she made it known she desired a friendship with me and put some effort into friendship with me. Quite honestly, I might like that if LO felt that way.

@Limerent nurse

Thanks for your questions and interest! 🙏

I had LOs before and right now I am the LO for my boss… this blog is showing me the way on how to stop my wrong behavior towards him.

I am hazardous simple because of my selfishness, I would really love and imaging to be friends, but now I see that is imposible.

“Nobody can trust me” might sound dramatic, but that is my sense. I just had a recent long relationship and everything was fine until I get bored (10 years of stability). So, my limerent tendencies appeared and destroyed the safe relationship we’ve built together.

I would like to reach the same view as you about commitment as something positive and healthy.

“A resentment object… that’s an interesting concept. I am pretty sure my limerent objects automatically become resentment objects in the painful, downward slope of limerence… but once the cycle is over due to no contact, both perceptions go away.” Maybe resentment helped you as a way out strategy, like going NC.

I also think resentment towards LOs is unfair to them when they don’t even hace a clue of their effect in us, they just exist and we read through their actions something that isn’t true, wdyt?

🙂

@Maya,

You brought up some interesting topics. Would you like to talk about them?

You mentioned that you are a hazardous LO. Do you also have a tendency toward limerence, or are you only commenting on being the LO yourself? Why are you hazardous?

Why does nobody trust you to be in a relationship?

I know what you mean about stability and commitment being “boring.” Yes, it can be. I like to think on the positive side that it is also peaceful and healthy.

A resentment object… that’s an interesting concept. I am pretty sure my limerent objects automatically become resentment objects in the painful, downward slope of limerence… but once the cycle is over due to no contact, both perceptions go away.

I have so many questions! Feel free to respond, or not. No pressure; just curious 💙

And uncertainty is at the intersection where you cannot disclose either way, not to disclose with your LO or with your RO (resentment object). So everything feels like a limbo, with rumination, intrusive thoughts and real action is blocked.

I think personally that I tend to like uncertainty because I grew up in an unstable environment, so it feels familiar to me to be in perpetual tension with people, but at the long run this is destroying my self-esteem and self-worth, no one can trust me to be in a decent relationship. Now, I’am aware of that. Not sure how to enjoy stability and commitment, I get bored… 😞

Sammy,
“Of all the tenets mentioned in discussions about levity,
By far the most important and the best of them is brevity …”
Yes! 🙂

“If any or all of those names sound suspiciously familiar, they should be – all the great poets throughout history (writing in English) have come from Australia, you see.”
I believe it. Australia also gave the world the Bee Gees and Andy Gibb. A great country!