frederico

Of course you deserve it. I agree greatly with Sammy. I remember many of your posts to me when I first came here, and they helped mw more than you can know. Despite the differences in our preferences I still could relate a lot to your story. Through your LO you were brought into a family, like I was. The pain of something that you didn’t ask for severing that bond is heart breaking. exLO’s daughter will be graduating high school next year, just like our youngest son. She won’t be a girl anymore but a woman. The daughter I never had. Can I still beat the boys off of her with a bat if I’m not her real father? 🙂

@frederico.

“I don’t deserve the kindness that you and other LwL friends have shown me but this has surely helped me more than I could ever have imagined.”

Au contraire, my friend. You do indeed deserve the kindness that Bewitched and other Lwlers have shown you. Now you need to show that kindness to yourself. 😉

“My story must have been repetitive in so many ways …”

Um, everybody’s story is repetitive. Almost everyone here is talking in circles, or haven’t you noticed? It’s the “thought loops” that happen during rumination. Totally normal occurrence for the brains of persons experiencing an LE. You’re in so much good company it’s embarrassing. 😜

I am so happy for you, Adam. It is so nice time find a safe place to connect with others while getting closer to God — at your own pace. Many prayers and blessings for you and your family as you grow spiritually 💙

As for me, I feel like I am gaining “skills for a healthy relationship” because each time my limerent brain finds someone who could be a potential limerent experience, I allow myself to talk to them and just engage normally. As long as I do not allow any further out-of-work texting or communicating I find that low contact works. I think I am on to something. It’s a work in progress.

Thanks Mila! Your words are music to ears! I am focusing on other stuff, and it really helps.

Great job Adam. You are on a good path, and I firmly believe that all will be well eventually. Really great to see you doing purposeful living, which is not easy to do.

Hi Snow. Thanks for your support. Your tip of being “prepared” for the highs and lows makes a lot of sense. You just accept that moments of relapse may be there, and try to be prepared about them as much as you can.

The really hard part is that you try to build your resolve over a time period, when there is NC, and then each contact just takes you back many steps behind, and the cycle repeats — its sort of like building – breaking – building – breaking, and so on. Of course, one still needs to work on this, ploughing on, as long as is necessary. The good thing is that I always end up feeling better in a day or so, so I keep telling myself not to freak out too much, it always gets better.

Hi Speed. Yes, LO is a work colleague, and so LC can happen, but NC cannot. I do recall your strategy of trying to keep your interactions robotic/dull, otherwise you will just sink in your feelings. Will keep this useful tip in mind. I do agree that its a constant work that one needs to do, pretty much on a daily basis. Thanks again!

Thanks for the support, Nisor. Yes, I agree, it may not be possible to erase the LE, that will not be happening. With regards to LO intensity tune down, I am not there yet, as I just discovered, but hope I can be.

Thanks MJ. Just keep going — this sounds like a good mantra. I am happy that you are feeling better. Cheers.

Oh Adam, I got butterflies in my stomach just reading your post!
I t seems you got a good church with a very understanding pastor. You can share your story with him in private, no one else has to know about it. He’s not there to judge you but to help you be free of any burdens in your mind and lead you on a safer path; and that God is a forgiving and merciful God. I’m very proud of you for being courageous and trying to better yourself and be a good husband and father. You’re on the right track. You’re a good man and I would very much like to see you living a purposeful and happy life. You got this. It’s so hard nowadays to find good and noble people who cares for other human beings; everyone is busy and burdened with their own problems and no one to help. So, sharing in a community makes life easier and gives one a sense of belonging somewhere… no man is an island! Remember that? I’m happy for you and Momma.

Have a great day. Hugs.