Hi, James A.

“I know limerence is a powerful emotion for anyone experiencing it, but in my case it seems to be especially disempowering.”

Im sorry you feel that way. Yes, limerence is a powerful emotion, I attest to that!
Are you the lawyer that lost the job on LOs account? Excuse me if am wrong.

Can you check the following article in the web? It might be helpful in your situation.

“Sneaky disempowerments and 7 steps to avoid them” by Karen Rohlfs

Hope you feel better soon. Courage and strength to you.

Sammy 🏓,

“When did you start writing “purple prose”, my dear? That’s news to me, I must say.”

That was a news to me, too. 🫣

“I was very much under the impression that “burgundy” was your preferred hue? Yes, I had you pegged as “that burgundy woman”. “

Indeed, burgundy is my favorite hue!

“ On a more serious note, let me assure you I’m not mad at you or anything. You’re obviously a sweetheart, and I sense over time we’re going to get along great.”

I’m very happy to hear your sensibility! I’m not sure if I could ever been considered a “sweetheart”, ( by whose standards?) I’m too complex and fluid to be one simple thing, sweet or bitter, purple or burgundy….

Truly getting along, I believe, is based on that idiom, “no discord, no concord”. Some people believe it applies to relationship/romance as well (e.g Beatrice & Benedict in “much ado about nothing”), but some Westerners & Easterners avoid confronting differences and conflicts, and then finally reach agreeable on disagreeables. A superficial harmony leads to inauthenticity. All my close friends have gone through rounds of French Fencing with me over a period of time, months to years.

“But here’s the thing – I take a long time to warm up to new people. I don’t do “instant friendship”. (Yuck!) I’m an introvert’s introvert. You have a big personality and you must give me time to get used to your personality, okay? 😉

A deal! 🤝 in front of all limerent ghosts (gods knows how many!)

“There’s nothing wrong with being playful. But I feel playfulness should always be combined with respect for the person/subject matter involved.”

If without enough respect, I would not have spent so much time and energy to 🏓 with you day and night. I thought you could clearly see it. Sometimes, you were the way too serious; while other times more playful.

“This requires tact. (I.e. only tease people about traits they already feel proud of. Not all subjects can be mocked or should be mocked equally. Always be mindful of timing/occasion).”

This I believer is caused by some cultural differences, which sometimes I was aware and other times I forgot. Next time, I’ll put a tentative “tease” mark in it, so at least you’d know what I’d be trying to do. But to master tacts would take some time, because there are certain serious matters in the West are taken more lightly in the East, and vice vista. I’d add explanations, if I catch the said different values.

“Knowing when to tease and what constitutes the right amount of teasing is an art form. It’s the secret to true charm.”

Totally agree. I need to learn more on this subject.

“I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it eventually. When writing commentary, try to read the room beforehand to understand the general … ambience.”

This rule has not be much observed by me. I generally follow a commentary I was responding to, and let whatever was on my mind of moments naturally flow out onto the page. I found this allow me to be more authentic in finding out what was going on in my thoughts or emotions. If contriving too much, then my responses would become an essay. INFP is not an analytical type, and I do not want to write an essay in a ghost land, which would be too tiring, too restricted, too contrived.

“Let people be themselves. Let people have their own emotional responses to things. Let people have their own opinions.”

I believe I did! And I did not moralize or judge others’ thoughts or emotions, or their limerence behaviors, no matter how much I disagreed with them! I can even empathize with a murder’s motives in reality; they still need to take a legal consequence for their harmful acts!

Still, like many others, the insecure part of me did not like to be attacked (or perceived to be) by others’ moralities for my mere ideations — my entitled thoughts of all kinds and emotions of hues. There is no thought or emotion crime, as our legal system stands. (Except those dictatorship nations)

“Try not to go through life with an overly combative attitude – it’s counterproductive. Most human beings dislike conflict intensely.”

“Overly combative”? I think this is where your misperception or misunderstanding lies. I’m NOT combative — with cptsd, I cannot even raise my hand in others’ classroom or conference all my life! I used the word “combative” to exaggerate my tomboy competitive nature, which may appear strong only in paper.

“Seek win-win solutions and strive to be a gracious winner. “

When I was in a “mature/good” mood, I’d let other side “win” even if I was “right” — to keep a harmony of Eastern kind. When I acted like a child, tired, triggered or irritated, I wish other side to let me win, spoiling me. Win-win solutions are Western, I found it’s very productive and have more chance to create harmonies. It takes practices to come up with.

I would like you to take a factor into more consideration when discussing topics and framing your words with me: my cptsd is steadily getting better, but not healed yet. When it is triggered, without clearly recognization, I could be pushed into self-defensive and even attacking mode, or sulking offline. I felt that in the past, sometimes you seemed to have forgot this, and expected me to behave maturely at the moments of my cptsd being “triggered”.

Writing tips:

“It’s “prose” and not “proses”. It’s “advice” and not “advices”. In English, “prose” is both the singular form of the word and the plural form of the word. “Advice” is both singular and plural too.”

Ah, those blood irregular English grammars! 😩

“I’m very fond of my “purple proses” 😂

@Snow.

When did you start writing “purple prose”, my dear? That’s news to me, I must say. I was very much under the impression that “burgundy” was your preferred hue? Yes, I had you pegged as “that burgundy woman”. 😇

On a more serious note, let me assure you I’m not mad at you or anything. You’re obviously a sweetheart, and I sense over time we’re going to get along great. But here’s the thing – I take a long time to warm up to new people. I don’t do “instant friendship”. (Yuck!) I’m an introvert’s introvert. You have a big personality and you must give me time to get used to your personality, okay? 😉

There’s nothing wrong with being playful. But I feel playfulness should always be combined with respect for the person/subject matter involved. This requires tact. (I.e. only tease people about traits they already feel proud of. Not all subjects can be mocked or should be mocked equally. Always be mindful of timing/occasion).

Knowing when to tease and what constitutes the right amount of teasing is an art form. It’s the secret to true charm. I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it eventually. When writing commentary, try to read the room beforehand to understand the general … ambience.

Let people be themselves. Let people have their own emotional responses to things. Let people have their own opinions. Try not to go through life with an overly combative attitude – it’s counterproductive. Most human beings dislike conflict intensely.
Seek win-win solutions and strive to be a gracious winner. 😉

Writing tips:

It’s “prose” and not “proses”. It’s “advice” and not “advices”. In English, “prose” is both the singular form of the word and the plural form of the word. “Advice” is both singular and plural too. 😉

Hi James,

Please forgive my often Q&A style posts here, while some prefer courteous and mannered posters.

I don’t think I’ve previously spoken with you, nor could I see any of your older posts (aside from the two earlier ones connected to this one); so you used your real names in all your previous messages to hope that you LO might by chance read them and even respond them? She might be already here or have dropped in by chance, who knows? DrL would NOT know, either.

What I want to ask is: how and why in your case, LE is more disempowering, by comparison to others’ LE here? What do you wish to converse with your LO (or talk about her), if she was/is/will be here? By expressing or doing what, do you think you could possibly be empowered again? Do other ears of limerents here could be of a help, in some fashions?

Hope? Of course, you have HOPE, every dying-hard limerent HAS a hope, regardless their reality, common or peculiar. During my LE #3 (w/ NarcLO) and LE #5 (FWB LO now), I had ideation of suicide, and even bought a bottle of sleeping pill during the latter. But my father’s words always echoed on the back of mind: We’ll all get to our graveyard soon or later, why hurry?!

So I let myself “burned” to ashes again and again, now I’m flying around here as a hopeful red bird , despite my realistic “plight”, and no available Dragons insight….☺️

So do NOT ever despair, no matter what pre-dispositions/pre-conditions you think you have (what did your doctor say), there are many new paths laying in front of you (as well as rest of us). Just explore them with a strong sense of adventures, accompanied by many of your fellow limerents here…

If you use a pen name, you might feel much freer to talk and express whatever you feel urge to …

Good luck!

@ Snowpheonix:

I guess I should stop using my real name; I will be James A. from now on. I guess I had a long-shot hope that my LO might see my posts and here I could finally actually converse with her. I know limerence is a powerfull emotion for anyone experiencing it, but in my case it seemes to be especially disempowering. But hey, I have HOPE, right!? (dripping with sarcasm), or is it ROPE, just enough to hang myself with. (No, I’m not suicidal; however, it does amaze me that I never was.)

@Snow,

The beginning of that poem is beautiful. I do identify well with it.

“I photograph you in my bed in the morning. I miss you and you never leave
Your scent remains, unbelievably
I pray to all the Gods
and my lies still don’t believe in me.”

Thank you for posting it
and thank you @Bewitched for directing it my way..

My poetry isn’t even close to that elaborate and probably lame by comparison, but it’s for LO and I guess that’s all that matters.

@Bewitched,

It’s not my poem, but by Jessica Care Moore.

I thought it might speak something felt by a lot of us here —

“I wrote the poem, ‘Wild Beauty,’ in the middle of the night. I was balancing heartbreak, isolation, friendship, and a longing for true love. I’d been reading a lot of Sylvia Plath and experimenting with the sound of my poems. They changed during the pandemic. I changed. Every line is more intentional. The visual quality of the poem was inspired by Virgil Abloh’s gorgeous short film, Peculiar Contrast, Perfect Light— solace and sadness. It was a difficult time for me, lots of loss, and still, I was searching for beauty, for love. I loved seeing my artist family, Yasiin Bey and Saul Williams, in the film, and I put them in the poem. I missed being connected to poets, to people. ‘Wild Beauty’ is one poem that led to my full experimental opera, the title inspired by the last book that Ntozake Shange signed for me before she passed away. The original wild beauty.”

—jessica Care moore

@MJ

Check out Snow’s latest poem (the one just above). It might strike a chord with you.

Thanks Snow, I liked it very much 😍 and will bookmark it for when I need some inspiration ….

Wild Beauty

Jessica Care Moore

Such a wild beauty
extracted from black ashes (echo)
A series of calculated crashes

I simply
call them romances.

I photograph you in my bed in the morning
I miss you and you never leave
Your scent remains, unbelievably
I pray to all the Gods
and my lies still don’t believe in me.

You dance inside the snow
Slush beneath your boots
We talk philosophy and hardcover books
Sometimes i find the heart you took and carry
It around, a handsome crook
A savior among a crown
of thorns and petals never worn
Of flowers dead and letters never sent

Did you see the way the summer wept
Did you feel my bones break
inside your hands

?

How fragile are the strong and mad
Who dare to wrap themselves in flags

Sewn by slaves and walked over graves (echo)
Jessica, you say, you must behave.

Yourself. I don’t know what to do with wealth
Cept spend it on a love affair or place bright flowers
In my hair.

Just tell me what color I should wear to a funeral
with no people there?

Bodies asleep deep in my chest
Kiss me, since we are all that’s left
In love, in fear, scared half to death

Humans aren’t so interesting my son insists
We have no wings. No power beyond our century
We are given less, and still we sing.
We dress the part
I keep the veil, and pawn the rings.

I want to steal Saul’s new hat and Dante’s bright green boots
My fashionable brothers.

You. Brooklyn bridge. I am hula hoop
Swirling dervish in a perfect suit
Oh my love, my memory swoons.

Such a wild beauty extracted from black ashes (echo)
A series of calculated crashes
I simply call them beautiful massive
Oh wait, I believe I wrote romances.

Protecting me from the brutality, the wounded savage
You, that’s me. Pointing fingers deliciously.
Baby, please hold onto me.

I only want love to hold me for ransom. I know he is.
They are all so handsome. Perhaps, a very good looking cancer.
I call your name, pray you don’t answer.

Such a wild
beauty.

MJ,

Then play piano more when you feel down, take a challenge to play harder pieces.

If you like poems you wrote for her, perhaps you can share them here, we would never judge them but share and understand your sentiments for her. Of course, you can keep them private for a eternity .