Thanks Nisor. I’ll take that!

Thanks ABCD, sounds like a plan!

Hi Twisted! Cheering for you, so great a move to talk to a therapist!
Good luck w that.

You seem to have a very nice and caring SO, he’s valuable to your life. I hope everything comes out okay and you two can be happy together. No more limerence!

Courage and strength for you!

Thanks Twisted. It would be a good idea to try and not to check social media that often, and check it like 1-2 times a day. This would definitely help, trust me. Feel better!

Thank you Nisor. Your supportive words always make my day 🤗

Hi Silly Rabbit, I can resonate with so much of what you are saying. I agree that this intense need for emotional connection is biological. It’s funny how common limerence is at this age but no one talks about it. I didn’t hear about the term “limerence” until 4 months ago, but I’m so glad I found Dr. L’s articles and this community. I’d be so lost without it!

Thanks for your vote on not disclosing to SO. Your suggestion to talk to someone couldn’t have come at a better time. I have booked to talk to a therapist tomorrow. In fact my SO suggested I talk to someone. He has seen me crying (I call it “allergies” 😂) around the house all of last month. So he knows something’s up. I don’t think he fully believes me, but I’m not going to disclose.

Hoping to get some help this week 😇

Thanks Adam. That sounds like really good progress. It looks like you have trained your brain to associate LO with someone that is not good for you. I remember reading one of Dr. L’s articles where he asks us to channel our feelings into de-idealisation of LO which can help us realize that LO isn’t this hugely desirable person, and that being around LO makes us feel bad. I may have to train my brain to do that too, especially when those dark clouds come around 😶‍🌫️

Silly Rabbit and Twisted hi,

I’m proud of you both on reasonably handling these messy situations when the mind is foggy and the chips are down. It’s good you didn’t disclose to SOs . If you can handle it by yourselves and go NC, no need to cause pain to Sos , there’d be distrust and suspicion after you disclose. It’s not the same when a man cheats than when a woman cheats, the men have the upper hand but women are looked down when they cheat. That’s society rules in some countries… not fair but truth is what it is. It’s like a tacit agreement they invented…

You both be good now and stay strong and decisive. Best wishes. Hugs.

Hi Twisted,
I personally think you did well by not disclosing to your SO. When I confided in a friend about my LO she strongly suggested not to disclose to my SO specially if I was determined make it work with him and to eventually go NC with my LO. Seems like you are already there and you don’t want to take steps back by going into detail with your SO about what you did or did not do.
I do, however, recommend that you talk in person to someone about this whole limerence episode. I found it extremely liberating and she gave me some great advice regarding removing the focus from my LO and focus about what was happening to me internally. I am also in a kind of middle life crisis and what is surprising to me is that I read it in this blog first. Biological changes happening in my body made it predisposed to seeing something that wasn’t there and to open my eyes about something that had at some point, taken over my life! I could just not thing about anything else but that person. I was obsessed!
I have read lots of information about perimenopause and menopause but unfortunately this topic was not present at all. I think it should be.

“My SO sat me down and asked me point blank if something was going on between LO and I.”

My wife suspected from my behavior that something was up with me and her too. I many times played down whatever my wife confronted me with. She was suspicious that there was an affair going on between us. Which was a big contention between us that was really tearing us apart. I didn’t know what I was feeling wasn’t actual love or infatuation, but I swore to her I wasn’t having an affair.

So when I found out about limerence a year ago, here, I was ready to disclose to my wife. I knew if I tried to weather this limerence alone with all the other skeletons coming out of the closet that I would never get over it. I needed to have someone to make me own up to what I said and did. Someone that was NOT in an altered state of mind. I needed a guide.

However you handle it, if you want to emerge from this, I know you can do it. But you have to want to. And even when you feel you have “made it through the rain” there are still dark clouds that you have to face everyday so that you don’t fall back in. Because those intrusive thoughts can come back. Last time I had one I said to myself “no I don’t want to dwell on her. she doesn’t think about me!” It worked. My mind centered back on what I was doing. Seems like good progress to me.

Wishing you the best in your journey Twisted.