“little things that makes the life of the other person worthwhile living”

Nisor

Checking out a recent comment posted here led me to this exchange we had. And I want to thank you and MJ and Miss Lovisa for helping me so early on in this journey. And latter Limerent Nurse. Ya’ll have been so much guiding light for me to find my way in life now. And than most importantly my loving and supporting wife in this change in my life.

Your quoted sentence stood out to me reading this exchange again because we are going to go to an animal shelter this weekend and get a cat or kitten for our youngest boy. His brother took the three (two brothers and one sister) cats with him when he moved away to college and his younger brother is missing them. So we decided to get one he can call his own.

Thank ya’ll for helping me through this. This whole community means so much to me.

MJ,

may i wonder how your online coffee tastes like?

@Bewitched.

“You know what it reminds me of? Being a teenager again. Sitting on a wall somewhere, eyeing up some other teenagers, seeing which one gives you some attention. If you’re lucky, hoping they’ll show up at the next disco and you’ll be asked for a slow dance and a snog

Haha. I mean – this all seems very juvenile to me. And I am talking about my own limerent love affair here 🙂”

The funny thing is when I was an actual teenager, I didn’t understand the methods my peers were using to figure out who likes who, or who wants to go to the formal with who, etc, etc.

In hindsight, the boys and girls all refused to speak to each other directly, and everything had to be worked out through gossip and more gossip and then some more gossip. Honestly, hiring a matchmaker would be more efficient! 😆

This is what I blame my limerence on – a total incomprehension of how “normal people” pick the person they want to date, and effectively communicate that information to the person.  (E.g. the girl who was interested in me in high school – I assumed she only wanted to be friends. Her “interest” was so subtle that I honestly never picked up on it).

“Playing games” does describe the behaviour. But what’s the good of playing games if some/most players don’t understand the game? 😜

Dear Snow,

Thank you for finding the post with your dreams. Very interesting, a wealth of things to think about and compare.

Falling back to the same dream after waking up for a little while has occurred to me, I think one or twice. I certainly get my heart pounding if it is a bad dream. I don’t want to go back to sleep then. I get up and pray, repeating some strong versicles from the Bible, and it goes away. If in the contrary it’s a good dream I want to continue it
, it just happened once.

There was a period I was having constant nightmares, like a wild dog chasing me, or a bull, or something gigantic following me, but I always managed to get away, one time, this mass was so close to getting me that I flew up high
and saved myself!

Dreams being opposite to what happened in the past are very common, I think.
Never had “futuristic” dreams. Maybe because I don’t watch “Star wars”, ha. I noticed, if I watched scary movies that would leave a bad impression on me or anguished me, that I would certainly have nightmares. So I
avoid that kind of movies with guns and killings, etc.

The dream with LO and you being able to type on his phone screen is super duper! Your mind eye is really aware to foresee danger and admonish you ahead of time to beware. This was a real warning that you should stop sending LO messages, regardless if benign. It means you can’t trust him hundred percent. But as you said there’s nothing to compromise you, then don’t let it bother you. Drop the thought, rearrange the thought to positive one. Or else it will haunt you for ever. Probably that’s why you see him as a villain in your dreams.

I like the dream with the “thick wool brick-colored winter coat”. That’s real nice and comforting one! It’s the image of protection you have from your dad, that’s very tender! Daddy’s girl! Girls always want to have daddy’s attention!!! They don’t care that much for mom, because girls know Dad is the provider and the protector of the family, and they are like in a competition with mothers for dad’s attention. My daughter is like that with her dad. She gives her father the biggest smile she can get when she talks to him on the phone. She just melts at the sound of dad’s voice! I noticed it because usually she calls me first and when I pass the phone to her dad, there’s that beautiful pleasant smile on her face. She shines at him and him with her, it’s like a romantic affair between them. But my son is more attached to me. There’s this thing going on with our “mother-son love”, that my daughter used to, and think still is, jealous of her brother. She thinks I love him more than her. These are the dynamics in family affairs I have observed in my own family, and other friends families as well.

So, you were daddy’s girl! And your unconscious knows it!!! That’s why the coat became the magic raft that saved you from drowning!!! Always think of your dad when you wake up from a nightmare… bring him to your mind to protect you and save you from drowning in any possible danger you might find yourself in. In other words, shift your train of bad thoughts to his pleasant companionship. Perhaps it will break the pattern of those dreams.

Have beautiful and pleasant dreams tonight and every night. Those are my wishes for you. Hugs💪🏽

Mila,
“And, as I said, I think they would simply lose any real meaning once the main limerence is solved.”
Ok. Not sure how you’ll do that while still being friends. The only thing that’s ever worked for me is cutting out the disease (the disease being the LO!). 🙂 I tried LC. It just keep everything on a low simmer.

Hello Mila and Bewitched,

Yes, you are completely right, thank you for this advice. I am not thinking rationally at all, but I have found that forcing myself to think of something that doesn’t revolve around him, is a good tactic. It sounds simple but my mind is a natural wanderer and will happily take itself off daydreaming, so to switch to I suppose, proactive thinking, is actually quite difficult for me.

I do alternate between putting him on a pedestal and questioning his motives, so it makes sense to ride this episode out, like the ones before it.

“Bathed in communication”, yes! I can almost feel him with me at times, which is of course in my own mind and totally ridiculous.

Thank you both for your wise words. I hope things are going well for you. I try to follow your stories but it’s hard to comment for all the obvious reasons!

Hi Problem Child,

I think you are in the storm at the moment. Your reactions and emotions are unreliable. You feel bathed in communion with your LO, everything resonates in a good way, its almost spiritual. He can do no wrong….

I think most of us can say that we have been there and that its not reliable. Like Mila, my advice is to wait.

Try to take your mind off him by getting into an absorbing task, a puzzle, a run, some housework, catching up with a friend. Is there something that you would enjoy to do this weekend?

Devaluing the SO is a very frequent side-effect of limerence, so this is also slightly unreliable, just at the moment.

Your limerent brain is in a altered state and you really cannot trust yourself, your gut, or your intuition. If he is as confused as you are, this could lead to a bumpy ride after he gets back from holidays. So it is imperative that you use the time to get your equilibrium back, as much as you can. Even though this is a lot to ask yourself. Try your best.

Try not to ride the highs and lows too much, that means no reverie and rumination about his eyes, etc.

Sending strength!

Problem Child,
I‘m on a LwL roll, so I might answer to this immediately too🙈

Maybe you wait until he is back from holiday before you label your feelings or reinforce them?
Because now you put a noble interpretation on his behavior, but the next day it could be a negative one, and you cannot really know his state of mind now…
Just want to spare you the up and down until really necessary…
But I know it’s hard!

Marcia,

I also have a friend who was limerent for me years ago and for sure isn’t any more, but I also watch what I send, don’t want to wake up something.
As to the emojis, it would feel like a gesture to suddenly stop them obviously (for example he sends one and I don’t give it back- usually we send one back, and that would be very obvious and maybe lead to unwanted huffs or even dangerous questions)
I‘ll try to creep out of using them. I anyway now avoid texting before going to sleep, and I won’t initiate them.
And, as I said, I think they would simply lose any real meaning once the main limerence is solved.

Hi Bewitched and Speedwagon,

I’ve noticed that on here too, although my LO and I have a lot in common, more than we do with our SOs. I even made a list! 🫣 that is very teenager-like! I care very deeply for him and at this stage, I’m wondering (worrying?) if I’m falling in love with him. This could of course, be the Limerence at play. I also feel a strong connection to him spiritually and emotionally of late, which wasn’t really there before, it was very much a physical attraction. I think it’s his reluctance to start anything while he’s in a relationship. It makes me see how loyal and trustworthy he is, and that he is someone worthwhile rather than someone after a quick fling. I know this is very dangerous. There is definitively something going on with the addiction to drama.