“I’m largely fit in INFP box and had a hunch last night that Sammy would show up this morning… see what happened⁉️ That’s called “fraternal bond”! 😇 My deep intuition was rarely wrong… just kidding!”

@Snowphoenix.

I’ve just had an epiphany, and you’ve helped me have it, my dear!!

I’ve realised that whenever a woman (of any orientation) shows friendliness toward me, my brain automatically misinterprets “friendliness” as “hostility” and reacts accordingly. (I become very cold, distant, standoffish, suspicious, etc, etc). I don’t even think about this reaction – it just happens.

When we had our very unexpected little “falling out” in the coffeehouse a while back, you didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t say anything wrong. It’s just some awful glitch I have in my brain. I don’t know what causes the glitch. I don’t think the glitch is related to autism. I think it’s a glitch that’s been in my brain since early childhood.

As a very young child, I instinctively loved my father and hated my mother. And yet my love for my father and my disdain for my mother probably had very little to do with how either parent treated me. (Both parents were very kind to me at that point in my life). My brain just arbitrarily decided that “Daddy is awesome and Mummy is horrible”. I don’t know if I had a reverse Oedipus complex, and saw Mummy as a rival for Daddy’s affection. Maybe I was just jealous of my mother’s attractiveness from a very young age, and avoided getting too close to her as a result?

Anyway, now that I’m aware that my brain has this glitch, I can stop assuming that all women who show friendliness toward me are ill-intentioned. 😉

“You be yourself, whatever that is that you’re, and have discovered you’re , and don’t compare to no one else, because you’re a very special, gifted, emotional, kind and lovely person. I love your sarcasm at times and your deep thoughts at others, your bantering and your seriousness, but we always receive something from you.”

@Nisor.

Thank you for your kind words, Nisor. I actually feel guilty sometimes after giving in to my “camp side” because I think, no, I should sober up. I should stop mucking around, making silly jokes, saying absurd things, and just be responsible instead. Being camp is the opposite of being responsible. Being camp is a kind of cop-out. I’m setting a bad example for the masses, and I don’t want to set a bad example. I really want to be a good example for other people.

One of the problems intrinsic to being a gay man, however, is it’s incredibly hard to take ANYTHING in life seriously, because the heterosexual world literally DOES NOT MAKE SENSE to the gay brain. “Does not compute, does not compute, does not compute.”
Everything straight people do with their lives seems crazy and pointless and absurd to me.

I don’t really have the emotional responses that straight men have and I also don’t have the emotional responses that straight women have (except in an extremely exaggerated and quite possibly “hysterical” form, which I’m sure some women find offensive).

On the one hand, I love my fellow human beings so much. On the other hand, I feel like I’m an incompetent human being because I keep seeing the funny side of things that are supposed to be taken seriously. Even when I write poetry, the drama quickly becomes comedy and the comedy dissolves into tragedy. Or the audience mistakes something intended as a tragic masterpiece for comedy. By the end of the piece, I’ve lost faith in my own judgement. 🙄

The strangest thing of all: straight men love camp humour as much as straight women do. Most of the jokes I make (in real life) go over really well with straight men, and I never thought I’d be getting that kind of positive response. I grew up believing straight men are humourless, and not very bright. I don’t know how I feel about being able to make straight men laugh. I’m so used to viewing myself as a sinner/outcast. I can’t cope with the fact I’m not universally despised. My apparent popularity is shocking to me. 😜

“I have a question which I hope you don’t take it as offensive: Do you think that your intensity towards everything has something to do with Asperger, which is related to neuro-wiring in the brain?”

@Snowphoenix.

No, I don’t believe my “intensity” is in any way related to autism. (Does that sound like an intense answer delivered in a suitably intense tone? Do I sound peeved? I’m doing my best to sound peeved. Isn’t “peeved” a glorious word? Peeved, peeved, peeved). 🤣

On a more serious note, I don’t think my intensity is related to autism and I think that’s a very dangerous path to go down, because it’s reductionistic. I.e. if we slap a label on people, then we may be tempted to explain everything we don’t like about that person’s views with the label, and no longer give that person’s views respectful consideration. (You can respectfully consider a person’s views and still reject those views because you have your own views).

We need to be able to separate people from their views, otherwise we imply that certain people aren’t capable of intelligent thought simply they belong to an out-of-favour group or have the wrong traits. I’m totally against the modern idea of cancelling people. I think people’s ideas can have enormous merit to society even if we don’t like said people. We shouldn’t trash excellent ideas just because someone a bit dodgy may have developed those ideas.

When it comes to politics/religion, I don’t identify with any group, but I allow myself to be influenced by many groups, and this sometimes annoys people. I don’t subscribe strictly to Christianity, for example, but I see some value in Christianity. I don’t subscribe strictly to stoicism, but I see some value in stoicism. I don’t subscribe strictly to conservatism, but I see some value in conservatism. I don’t subscribe strictly to liberalism, but I see some value in liberal ideals. I’m not a feminist, but I love hearing what feminists have to say. I’m not on board with the men’s movement, but I wish the men’s movement would occasionally say something sparkling. Basically, I try to take what I see is of value from many different philosophies. I’m eclectic in terms of cultural influences.

Interestingly, I don’t consider myself to be “intense” in the slightest!! I consider myself to be delightfully chilled-out and relaxed. 🤣 However, other people may beg to differ. Other people may have their own perceptions of my personality, and that’s cool. (I’ve never agreed with other people’s perceptions of who I am, because other people’s perceptions always seem to be woefully inadequate and inaccurate. Plus I’m very mercurial). I think something in the way I communicate may come across as intense at times, but much of the time I’m actually trying to be precise.

I think people misinterpret my desire for precision as emotionality, but I see precision and emotionality as two different things. Also, I’m always happy to change my mind/opinions if I get new and improved information on a topic. I can be very adaptable in my thinking. I can change my mind on a dime if I hear a really good argument (maybe I’m a little too flexible in this regard) and people don’t seem to believe that’s possible. But intellectual honesty does require a certain mental elasticity. I tend to see issues simultaneously from many different viewpoints. My ability to see things from many viewpoints make people assume (perhaps correctly) that I don’t have a core self and that I’m inconsistent.

Introverts living in an extrovert world tend to have an image problem. Introverts are generally perceived as these gentle, shy, mellow, bookwormish people who wouldn’t say boo to a mouse. And that characterisation is generally true of me – up to a point. So when an introvert does express a strong opinion or has the odd “moment” of public passion, people are all shocked. Like: “Oh, what’s wrong with him/her? He/she is usually so tame, so quiet, etc, etc.” People tend to underestimate introverts. They assume introverts are a bit dim-witted. They think introverts don’t possess the same drive and energy and complexity that extroverts do. Introverts don’t express all of their personalities all of the time.

There’s a gender bias in how I’m perceived as an individual. Men perceive me as ridiculously laid-back. (Maybe I’m a little shyer about expressing my personality around men? Or maybe men simply project their own laid-back natures onto me? As a gay man, I shouldn’t “click” with straight men at all, but I do. One of my straight male LOs thought I radiated “quiet strength”. Boy, did he read me wrong! I guess I wasn’t acting intense around him at all!) 🙄

As for women – I’ll be honest with you – I seem to have a bit of a conflicted relationship with/ambivalent attitude toward women in general, which I’m still working on. I really, really, really want to like women as people. But there’s repressed anger there as well.

I think some very emotionally-sensitive women are capable of picking up on my anger toward women -anger which I myself am barely conscious of most of the time – and they don’t understand the cause of the anger, and maybe they feel a little bit frightened because of the anger. Where does the anger come from and what does the anger mean? Well, I think the anger is almost never directed at the woman who detects the anger. I think the anger must be anger I still feel toward my well-meaning but highly-controlling mother, anger which I’m working on processing at the moment.

I think it’s women who are most shocked when I supposedly |”act intense” or “say something out of character”. Men, on the other hand, are amused – and just laugh and laugh. I don’t know what that says about the differences between the sexes. I think some women want to believe they really know a man inside-out who they don’t actually know at all, and they’re upset when their ignorance of said man is exposed. Men don’t seem to have this problem, though.

I think men tend to make less assumptions about other people in general. Or maybe men are less invested in relationships overall? I think emotionally- sensitive women need to understand that when a man is upset, he isn’t necessarily upset at her specifically, and it’s okay for both sexes to feel upset sometimes. I think women shouldn’t personalise men’s negative emotions so much, or immediately panic when a man pulls away from a relationship.

If a woman allows a man to pull away because he needs some time to process his emotions or whatnot, he will eventually come back to her. Some women can’t tolerate the smallest amount of separateness between themselves and the man they love, and this suffocates the poor man in question. All men actually need quiet time away from women. Quiet time away from women doesn’t mean the man doesn’t love women in general or love his woman in particular. Too much proximity to women can overwhelm males emotionally – unless they’re extremely thick-skinned extrovert types.

I think a lot of women have a subconscious desire to control the men in their lives, and men pick up on women’s subconscious desire to control and respond with simmering resentment. I think if women could be honest about their desire to control men and if men could be honest about their desire to enjoy a modicum of freedom now and again from women’s control, then men’s anger toward women in intimate relationships would quickly dissipate. Basically, the best way for a woman to “keep a man” is to give that man breathing space. He will thrive when he knows his woman trusts him enough to do the right thing, and he’ll also feel more sexually attracted. 😉

Sammy,

I have a question which I hope you don’t take it as offensive: Do you think that your intensity towards everything has something to do with Asperger, which is related to neuro-wiring in the brain?

I always suspect and tend to agree with the theory that cptsd has changed one’s neuro-wiring in the brain and caused frequent dysregulation by uncountable triggers, which means that I tired to take everything easy, but literally could not because my brain/mind felt flared up and very intense…. Nowadays these symptoms are reduced just by frequent meditations.

Nisor,

I’m largely fit in INFP box and had a hunch last night that Sammy would show up this morning… see what happened⁉️ That’s called “fraternal bond”! 😇 My deep intuition was rarely wrong… just kidding!

Like you, I don’t follow those personality types, we humans change and evolve so much shaped by our ideological environment, particular when you and I have moved between different cultures and value systems. As I said before, I personally switch 3-4 Myers-Briggs types each day, some time a couple of hours.

I actually think changes bring each of us vibrant colors and delicious hues, making us interesting or fun, like a chameleon, an actor( — life is a play!), as long as we do not aim to do others and ourselves harms. Anything fixed or habitual brings maybe stability but boredom, which seems to be the biggest enemy of all times.

I was so molded at “DNA level” by my OCC, and tried so hard to change myself in the West, but I still tend to be the old boring self loaded with outdated habits and cptsd symptoms…. Life is so short, I don’t want to bore myself by fitting in any specific Myers’s-Briggs types. I want to be a laidback, fun chameleon.

Enjoy your getaway for the weekend! I’m trying to get into Thanksgiving mode.

Oh Sammy, I m so glad you’re fine and all is well. Yeah, one needs those absences once in awhile to recharge the brain. Hope you’re refreshed and like brand new!

I don’t pay too much attention to those personality tests because I’m different people under different circumstances, and I’m not exactly the same person of so many years ago. But remain mainly the same old me…sad, happy, worried, calm , careless or overdoing things. etc . But I have some principles I don’t feel good trespassing. I don’t try to place me in any particular box, I need to expand sometimes, others I shrink, won’t fit comfortable in any one box. Free as a bird 🦅!

You be yourself, whatever that is that you’re, and have discovered you’re , and don’t compare to no one else, because you’re a very special, gifted, emotional, kind and lovely person. I love your sarcasm at times and your deep thoughts at others, your bantering and your seriousness, but we always receive something from you. Some people may not understand it but I revel in your musings. So thank you for being there and for being that awesome person you’re. It has nothing to do with gender, it’s the SOUL behind you! I’m glad I have met you.

I’m in a little vacation , up in the mountains for a few days. So I
won’t be texting as much.

A tight squeeze, hmm, hug I mean. Have a great blessed weekend.

“Long time we don’t hear from Call me Cordelia, also Sammy. Are you guys ok? We miss you and would like to hear from you or at least say Hello, we’re fine. Hope all is well with you both. Sending best wishes and love ❤️”

@Nisor.

Thank you for asking after me. I am well. Taking some time out from LwL to process information already in my head. It is both a blessing and a curse to have a brain that apparently never takes a break. 😉

Here’s my latest big self-discovery: I took the Myers-Briggs personality test again and came out very strongly as an INFJ!! (Turbulent subtype). Imagine my embarrassment! I’m in total shock. To actually have something in common with other posters! Oh gosh, I’m not sure I can handle being around so many people with similarly-wired brains. There goes my favourite delusion in life of being too special/sensitive to be understood fully by others. 🤣

I always thought I was an INTJ, and I was very proud of the fact I was an INTJ. A cool, calm, rational scientist-type of person. But it seems that maybe I was wrong. Or maybe the pieces of my adult personality are just coming together a bit late? Perhaps I’ve just never been able to “see myself” as i really am, because other people and society weren’t an accurate mirror. Oh, and I’ve always been quite private too. Private people are hard to read/mirror accurately. 🤔

The INFJ result makes a lot of sense, though. It would explain my idealism. It would explain why I have so many contradictions and appear “all over the map”. It would explain why I’m emotionally intense at times in a way that might come across as “too much” for other people. It would explain why people (both males and females) think I’m attracted to them when I’m not – I’m just being intense in an INFJ way, not in a romantic way. It would explain the dry wit. It would explain the strange air of detachment. All classic INFJ traits…

The INFJ result also explains other things about me. It explains why I can be very playful and even a bit naughty, and yet at the same time still care deeply about morality. It would explain, for exmaple, why Dr. L’s overall vision of purposeful living doesn’t seem at all alien to me, even if I’m not very good at applying particular lessons…

I used to think that females appreciate INFJ qualities and males don’t. But I was wrong about that, too. I’ve discovered that everyone, regardless of sex, seems to like my INFJ-ness when I chose to show it, as long as I remember to rein in the intensity. So I don’t know why I’ve always felt like my authentic personality wasn’t the right one, and I needed to adopt some other personality type in order to fit in. Like I wasn’t “doing human” the correct way… 🙄😇

“Take away just one component
Of my shiny house of cards
It’s in my mind, it’s out of love
Now watch it collapse and break apart”

Juleah – Love Psychosis

Yes, here I am at 50 feeling this LE for someone who’s almost 60 and has a crush on me…yet the idea of spouse-swapping doesn’t appeal even if our religion allowed it. I like being married to someone who’s into anime instead of sports, for example. But I married young, and over time SO and I have changed a lot. Our opinions and philosophies keep getting farther apart and he has a temper. But the religion says, you do it this way and that’s it. Then the midlife LE hits and throws a monkey wrench into everything while also providing euphoria. Meanwhile, my life is fairly comfortable at the moment and I don’t just want to uproot everything. Society at large is figuring out ways to get around this, but inside religions people have to keep doing things the way they were before.

Snow,

I love music, not so
much the modern one, unless the lyrics are meaningful, have a message to comunícate. But now, during limerence s$&#, I try to stay away from songs that make me sad. I
purposefully avoid it. I rather listen and watch classical music. I love the fast and happy ones like “ Bolero” from Ravel, it makes me waltz to its strident tones. Then there’s “Un bel di” that makes me very sentimental as I remember the story behind it. But the sound of it elevates me to other levels of ecstasy! There’s a music channel called “Stingray CLASSICA”, I watch it all the time, (we have it here on TV 24 hours!) (many repetitions though) enjoy very much the musicians playing their instruments 🎸 and living the music as they play it with so much passion, enthusiasm and reverence; feel they’re transported to the ninth cloud!

Have a nice evening wherever you’re. It’s six o clock here and dark already. The streets already decorated with beautiful light decorations for Christmas 🎄! It’s looks magic!❤️