Yes the eyes!!! That is all I could see because of covid masking. Well, other than her rear. And she was my size. Both have SO’s. Gave her nearly all my uniforms and associated gear, because I was leaving after 35 years. Thought it would be over when I left. Someone gave her my number.missed her dearly.texted only.sent her gifts because I could not be there. It was at the point of hate me or date me…then NC for 9 months. Thank you Jesus…she hates me…then she texted me…BOOM…sent her a gift and thought what am I doing.I must be mentally ill! Found this .com. what a relief. This site has helped me 100%. Trying to go NC with short one word texts and I feel her doing the same thing. It hurts bad but anything with value, real or imagined, will take it’s toll on you.

Neurodivergent/neurodiverse are umbrella terms that include a variety of neurological differences such as ADHD, autism spectrum disorder, and learning differences like dyslexia and dyscalculia, amongst others. Because not everyone can afford a formal diagnosis (and because Autism is especially underdiagnosed in women, even those who have undergone professional assessment), self-diagnosis is considered valid by many autistic adults. Think of it this way: if you have a cold, you can probably recognize that you have a cold without going to a doctor to confirm. Likewise, an adult who has always struggled with understanding social cues, regulating sensory input, and adjusting to changes in routine, and has experienced these things to the extent that it has significantly affected their ability to move through the world successfully, can probably recognize that they are autistic even in the absence of a formal diagnosis.

@Beth,

Now, I get your story better. With 2 SOs involved, your LE is much tougher to handle than just 1 or 0 SO involved.

Please don’t berate yourself for leaning on or disclosing to your LO, it’s so understandable what you and I did right after our loss of parents. It’s our normal human vulnerability; the milk was already spilled, let’s clean it up mentally and move on. LO is not a devil by any standard; otherwise, we’d never gone to them or they us.

My psychological tool of dealing with pains, any type, is Stoicism and Buddhism combined (they overlap in some principles), please forgive my preaching, particularly considering that I did not apply both well enough in my case, which led my further LE suffering and other cptsd related pains.

From Stoicism and Buddhism , I’ve learned and am convinced by reality that only MYSELF can and have to find ways to battle with whatever was/is causing my pains, and ultimately ON MY OWN, remove their roots and symptoms.

Pains, physical or psychological, come from without and within, but suffering caused by them are generated only within and thus can only be eliminated from within. Wise, external insights from books and people could help a great deal with their different perspectives understanding the same elephant in the room, but the hard work and efforts of curing sufferings still need to be made by oneself.

Some people take medication, some go to AA groups, and I do meditation that works well for me. I really hope by exploring, you’ll find the most effective way to YOU, to assist you through this painful grief period. There is NOWHERE or NO-ONE else can take away your pain for you! (Sorry if I sound too hush to point out the cruel reality!)

Sometimes, just sit quietly with pains when they arise within, and tell yourself: my pain is here again… it’s intense, it’s nature… C’est la vie — outside rain is pouring !… “ Then try to locate the pain inside your body and stay there, “this pain is making my stomach churning… chest going spasm, or… “ Then internally “watch” the pains…. Trust me, if you can endure physical discomfort, not immediately reach for something else (eg. food or drinks) to release, they will go away by your tough, fearless “stares”. I did not believe this method when taught initially, but after a couple of practices, it worked.

Last, not least, come here to write out whatever is going on in your mind; writing (somewhat organized) is a very effort therapy!

Best of luck!

“I was in such a pain during those ten months of frenzy limerence that I couldn’t properly comfort one of my best friends who was going through a rough /betrayal divorce. I couldn’t tell her I was going through the throes of limerence, but that I was feeling sad about other things. I just didn’t want to hear about anybody else’s problems or needs, I was so consumed with debilitating pain I just couldn’t help it; I couldn’t share! It was not like me… I felt so selfish and guilty!”

@Nisor.

Yes. Sometimes limerence can reach a point where it definitely feels like a fire is burning inside one or something, and not in a good way, but in an out-of-control way. The pain is just so debilitating. 😢

@Sammy,

“One’s LO may be a good person. One’s LO may be a bad person. One’s LO may be a so-so person. It really doesn’t matter what kind of person one’s LO is. What matters is this person – the LO – has taken on a staggering “emotional significance” in the life and mind of the limerent.

True. In my case, it’s not even LO, but the Phantom of LO, or my unreasonable desire for LO, that “has taken on a staggering emotional significance” in my life. Sometimes it felt like that LO did not enter my conscious life, but he came from my unconscious somehow through the glimmer — it’s that degree of familiarity and alienation! It also “lends credence to the notion that our LOs are really just anima/animus projected outwards.”

“In one-sided limerence, the feelings aren’t returned, so the limerent doesn’t have a staggering emotional significance for the LO, and the LO may not be aware of the emotional significance they have for the limerent.”

Well, I think even when the limerent’s emotions aren’t returned, some of us still have a staggering emotional significance for LO, but we hide and repress our emotions. Most of LOs, in LwL, seem to be aware of “the emotional significance they have installed in their limerent”, because most of us are poor concealers or over-sharing confessors. Plus, our eyes have revealed a lot what we fear to expose.

“Even if disclosure takes place in the second scenario, the LO may not understand the implications of the limerent’s disclosure i.e. they still may not grasp the strength of the limerent’s “crush”, the intensity of desire involved, the size of the stakes. (Hint: winning LO’s affection is the only thing that matters to the limerent).”

As long as LOs are ignorant of the conception of limerence, they WILL not “grasp the strength of the limerent’s “crush”…. If I choose to disclose to LO about my limerence with him, I’ll have to give him a copy of DrL’s book to read first.

“In making any decisions, I think it’s very important for limerents to remember that they may not hold the same emotional significance for their LOs as their LOs hold for them. “

As Marcia has repeatedly point out, if LO were in mutual loving affection for limerent, she or he would have already acted out, whether barriers existed or not, like what my middle-school classmate attempted. If they have done nothing, not even hint, then just believe they don’t have that glimmer or our dreamed affections for us limerents.

“The biggest mistake limerents can make is assuming that both parties are on the same page regarding emotional significance and assign the exact same significance to the “bond”.

As a semi Stoic, I don’t make such an assumption with realistic LO, I take the worst for a fact and practice how to cope with such an assumed fact. But the created Phantom is on the same page with me doing whatever I have wished, and has even inspire me to make friends and bonds with you guys here!

“Are you missing your LO?
Does it seem you don’t
want to live without LO?”

Story of my life Nisor..

While you slept I confessed a lot. I am sorry for what I put you through. Remember when finances were so bad a bucket or Popeye’s chicken was our anniversary celebration? I remember that because we argued about biscuits or mac & cheese for a side lol. I spent the last 2 hours confessing things to while you slept because of your migraine.

I’m sorry. I remember our 19 year anniversary. For the sake of others I will leave out the details but wow what a time. If I remember right one of those youngins almost ran us over when we were walking on one of those motorized scooter things you millenials like lol We were just walking to get something to eat.

Momma surprised me with something. I’ll leave it at that. Her father and step mother had taken care of the kids for the weekend so we were good. We parked the truck in the parking garage and we checked into the hotel and walked through downtown going wherever we wanted to. It is my favorite memories of Momma. (We have video evidence. She’s going to smoother me in my sleep if she she reads this.)

I spent the last hour or so, while she sleeps with a migraine confessing out loud. About Morgan, about why I feel it happened. How much I love her. How much I would like to be imitate with her but I understand why it is an issue. She looked so beautiful while she slept. I got very man feelings looking at her. But I am very not sober and you can’t believe the amount of time and autocorrect this post went through.

When I met her grandmother I remember that I called her Betty. It was her first name. She insisted that I called her “grandma”. I said “but you aren’t my grandma” to which she replied “yes I am.” I miss her. She accepted me despite us meeting online in 1999.

L.E.

I get it. Watching a lady sleep. Gonna go watch her sleep now. Fall asleep very drunk and by her side.

I think I’m moving out of the limerence stage now, though the crush is clearly mutual. I don’t know if he is limerent, but I think he was a few months ago. I remember only one thing that could get my mind off the limerence in the midst of it, and that was an awful situation going on back then. It was so hard to care about anything else. Now I’m starting to think and care about other things again. It’s a relief.