Don’t want to fight the tide,

This: “At the end the day I just staree mindlessly at the TV and wait for bed time. Wait for sleep where it can all go away.” I do the same and understand the feeling.

I know how difficult it can be to be a caregiver, but can’t imagine what it’s like to do it for years on end. Is there any way for you to get a respite worker at least once a week so that you can start doing the things you enjoy again? It won’t help your wife if you drown. At this point I would say your well being is more important than hers.

Hello Nisor, thank you for the welcome. To clarify, I did know he was married and had a family. It’s just that LO made it seem that he was so unhappy in his marriage and leading separate lives for many years. He made it seem like a business arrangement. But I read and found things online that contradict what he told me about his unhappiness and his life.

Hi Lola,
Thank you for replying. Yes, I believe that is why I’m so angry, the false hope and lies by omission. And like you, despite all this, the first person I want to share things with is him.

Trying to remain resolute in my decision of NC. Day 14.

I will go for a walk in a park today.

We hit it off , I’m over 50 now, she just turned 50. She driven , kind, retired and full of life. Everything I want to be. We became good friends. Then everything is ruined by me becoming Limerant. Never happened before. 3 months in I pulled the plug and went no contact. Hardest thing I did in my entire life. Those 3 months were so good and so painful all at them same time. I told her how I felt, she took it well considering I dumped the L bomb on her. I hoped at that stage she would understand and we could be friends.

Reminder that she is, was the ONLY good thing to happen to me in 17 years. I then realised I was dying inside. We did arrange to meet but it fell through. Now I’ve ruined a good friendship and the only thing I looked forward to. At the end the day I just staree mindlessly at the TV and wait for bed time. Wait for sleep where it can all go away. 5 days no contact and no more friend either. This is truly horrible self destructive stuff.

Purple dragon,
Your situation is worse than mine in a way. You were given false hope and lies. This would make me so so mad. I was never given any hope, I know everything about my LO (or at least enough), and I still can’t move on.
The people on the site most definitely understand how hard it is to keep NC when your thoughts are entirely occupied by this one person. I do a lot of things outside work, and am very active, and still all I can think about is how I will tell LO about it.

Purple dragon,

welcome to the LwL community.

Some tricky situation you’re in.

You say you’re 13 days NC , but don’t know if you’ll waiver if he reaches you out first?

No, no, DONT waiver ! It seems to me he’s fooling you; how can someone tell you to move out with them but you didn’t even know he had a family? Something is not right in here…no wonder you have mixed feelings of longing and rage and always left hanging!

I don’t know if you prefer to confront him first about not disclosing that he has a family and the seriousness of him running away with you. And then take it from there. What’s this all about, a flimsy adventure that will only bring pain and suffering to you and his family ? Are you ready for that?

I suggest you keep on reading the blogs here to get more clarification on these matters before you can act on your particular situation. My two cents…

Best wishes to you.

“What’s the point, I am only left hanging.”

Oh, Lola. You don’t know how much I feel your pain. I have made the same resolution for the exact same reason. Always left hanging.

I’m new here. Been lurking for the past two days. I feel so terribly paralyzed. I know that I need to take any sort of action but my behind is glued to the couch. I didn’t leave my apartment at all today thinking about when my LO will reach out to me. It’s been 13 days. I’ve decided to go NC and not respond if he ever messages me again, but I waiver on that choice constantly. It’s a mixture of longing and anger.

I feel like a fool because I cyber-stalked LO online and found out so much that he did not disclose. I found a family picture of LO on someone’s IG account and there he was smiling, standing behind his wife with his arms around her. His son and grand babies. I kept remembering all the times he insinuated how unhappy he was and the flirtations. He shared thoughts of moving out and bringing me with him into his new life. But he was always so careful in writing that it left me wondering if I was reading too much into things. Always the uncertainty. LO was my mentor and I confided many things to him that I now regret and feel pathetic. He was more guarded with this sharing, particularly about his family. All the times he said that I was meant for greater and better things than children and marriage and then there he is surrounded by a huge family. I know LO would not have gotten where he is in his career without his wife, it’s obvious to me. And for LO to belittle everything I wanted and what he has, fills me with rage.

And yet, here I sit feeling pathetic and wishing he would reach out to me.

He reached out today lol. And then pretty much ignored everything I said and never responded. Now we are back to day 0, and I am not reaching out again. Next time I won’t even engage in a conversation. What’s the point, I am only left hanging.

“But I’m definitely thinking about him less until something reminds me.”

Song of the Post:

Sometimes, my job is too easy…

“Always Something There To Remind Me” – Naked Eyes (1983)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMevu94Spew

Ok, so Dionne Warwick did it first but this came out the year LO #2 and I started dating so it wins!

“We are on day 7 of NC, and all I can think of is what I am going to say when he reached out” – ha, I’ve been there. I’m on week six and he never did reach out. Which is good. But still hurts. And I still plan what I am going to say when I see him again and that still makes me angry! But I’m definitely thinking about him less until something reminds me.

Hi Nisor,

I don’t want another LO! Inevitably it will happen but I don’t want to go looking for it. Unless it’s my SO, wouldn’t that be lovely and handy and fairytale-like!

Yes, I’m pretty motivated – I tend to have this all or nothing mentality and once that kicks in I’m like a runaway train! I know what you mean though, impossible to say when this will be over.

At the moment I hate him, whilst still being obsessed with him. Horrible.