MJ , hi. I’m in Europe. It’s morning here now.
I’m glad your daughter answered you positively. Finding ways to understand her may help you deal with “dismissive “ women. haha. You keep on sending good
morning texts to her and decorate it with emojis and sweet words, every woman loves sweet words, it’s like a caressing balsam, and being understood is key to a woman. Specially your child. She’s got your DNA, so it would be easy to get to her heart. She has a big special place for you in her heart. She took
after you. Your love for her will cleanse any bitterness she may be having now as a teenager. Striking a good relationship with your daughter will also deviate you a little from lo. I have you in my prayers and know that somehow God has an exit for your trials. I Also pray for Adam and family, and Speedwagon, ABCD, LwL community. I think of all the emotional afflictions all limerents go through, and pray for their inner peace of mind, for that peace of God that surpasses all understanding to cover them all and give them wisdom and discernment to deal with LEs. we are so sensitive and fragile like real fine handmade glass from Europe. We need lots of love and understanding. I think love is the most needed commodity there is in the world for all ages.

Hearts are not practical until they’re made unbreakable, (until then) . (Wizard of Oz)

Have a great positive day, lift up
your chin and smile, Jesus loves you.

Good morning Nisor,

Not sure if it’s morning where you are but I thought I’d say it anyway. It’s nighttime here and I’m getting ready to get into bed.

Thank you for your reply. So often reading your posts makes me feel better so thank you for being that ray of hope. I will continue to pray for that special moment with LO. Whatever it may be. Right now it seems far fetched to think that way, but you never know..

I did txt my Daughter this morning. Taking your idea.
I told her that I hoped she had a nice weekend and has a good day at School. She responded warmly after that later on, so it made me feel good.. Baby steps..

Thanks to you my friend. I wouldn’t have done it without your suggestion. Perhaps your already an Angel and don’t even know it yet. Somehow you just knew I should do that today so thank you again for your support.

@ABCD

Thank you for replying. Do I have it right that you are in occasional contact and it is in a professional context?

This is indeed similar to me. There is no EA or PA, in my case. No anything, apart from gazey looks etc. Periods of NC that last months are common.

But when we are in the same room, I am quite empathic and can pick up on the intense energy mostly off them as I hide mine or am naturally friendly to all.

My sympathies on experiencing your withdrawal phase. This has not happened to me yet and I absolutely dread it. Who knows why this may be happening in your case, I am sure you have gone through all the permutations a million times. Nevertheless, it sounds as though you are resolved to move on? Maybe that depends on the day though, huh? It also sounds as though your LO is not the type to string you along. Which is of meagre comfort, I know.

Sending all my best.

Firstly, I wanted to tell you that I definitely was not mixing you up with Adam. All the compliments were definitely aimed at you 🙂

I had only one bout of sobbing about my LO. I found it both the most awful experience I ever had – but also strangely compelling (more of that below). I know what caused it too.

I had worked myself up into a right state beforehand. What had happened was my LO had gone radio silent. I never initiated contact between us so I was confused and dumbfounded for the sudden radio silence. I started having imaginary conversations with my LO in my head where I confronted them about this. My questions started off reasonable, but got more and more upset and dramatic, and I did this ‘conversing’ over the course of a few days. The general upset I caused myself was not helped by the fact that this rumination was waking me at 3am every night and then I’d lie awake having anguished fantasy conversations where I asked LO to explain for the next 3 or 4 hours every night. t might have gone on for longer and worked itself up to a crescendo.

Well, as I now know, stress chemicals cortisol/adrenalin – which I was abundantly secreting into my own system during these conversations – apparently give the ‘pain in the heart’ (or, if we want to be a bit more prosaic, a bit like extremely bad indigestion/heartburn).

Dr L has actually done a few blogs on how there is probably a positive correlation between the amount of rumination/fantasy/anxiety and the tendency to sob. How we work ourselves into the emotional turmoil, in other words.

Anyway, when I had the sobbing fit, I didn’t know that the radio silence was because of a major development. It amounted to a dramatic increase in the barrier between myself and LO. I mean, put it this way, if they *hadn’t* gone silent in the particular circumstances, I wouldn’t have respected them. So it was alright in the end (!)

What I found curious was observing myself during and after the sobbing. When the sobbing finally started, I really gave into it, and was sort of observing myself do it, like ‘wow, go girl’. It felt fricken awesome.

I hope that you found this story entertaining. I wanted to keep things ‘light’ this evening.

To summarise, three things:
1) The level of anguish/sobbing is self inflicted in a very specific way that is related to the level of fantasy/rumination
2) It sorts of feels great to release the tension (at least it did for me)
3) You are still very cool and ‘a catch’ 🙂

Please believe in yourself. Then you’ll radiate self confidence (and other good things including desirability).

Hi ABCD

Thanks for your kindness.

I’m alright, thanks. You know how it is, sometimes you feel sensitive and if something triggers your memories the intrusive thoughts and memories come rushing in and sadness floods you again.

I’m retired and not much to do. I haven’t seen LO for half a century now! I cannot communicate either because his wife has control over his phone since I contacted him last year. Only talked to him twice last year after 49 years of NC. This is forced NC now.
Of which I’m grateful because I’m sure if I could comunícate with him more I’d be leaking emotions back home and SO would notice something is going amiss . Because I cry uncontrollably and can’t hide it. So I have to come up with an excuse , something like I miss my family back home, allergy for red eyes, then you feel guilty with SO. Will see how this thing plays out, hoping it will take its course out at whatever time it happens, no rush. Like Marcia said, no Limerent wants to let go of LO.( sorry Marcia if I’m misquoting you) I really don’t want to be a masochist. I’d rather it goes away, far from me!

Take good care of yourself. We need to !

@Nisor.

Sorry I forgot to reply to your post. Just wanted to check on how you were feeling now. Hope that you’re doing better.

@ MJ.

I agree with Nisor. Please try to do something that feels good, to take your mind off this LE. The current situation may seem hard, but it will get better, have faith.

MJ, how are you today? I think you’re feeling lonely? Sometimes, people feel lonely (I do sometimes) even when surrounded by a whole bunch of people. Other times, one seek to enjoy some “alone time.” It’s a state of mind. If only we can strike the balance. Sometimes it is better alone than in bad company, specially that of a nagging wife or a cranky husband. I always admired the philosophy of stoicism.Or being an idealist, a hermit in the Himalayas, an Indian in a tribe in the Amazon.

No, that’s when I’m trying to escape the reality that life is. I really want to go back on time when I was 25 /30y/o, like Frank Sinatra said , it was a very good year…years for me. The 70s good music, hot pants, beautiful clothing styles, hair styles, Woodstock, LO, it was so lovely and liberating. I had fun then, not a care in my mind. I’m stuck on those times. I’m not kidding you!
But the busy years went rushing by us…

As Sammy said at the coffee house post of this week:

“What a terrible sad world we live in.”

It is true, nowadays, no one is ever completely happy with what we have. I should be grateful and thank God for His grace and mercy with me and family. I’m grateful.

Your dreams of LO and daughter are beautiful. Let’s pray for that to happen. You need to write love letters to your daughter. Tell her that you love her in spite of… send her cards with your love message all the time. She’s going through rough times too and needs your validation and assurance that she can count on you as a father. Girls love their daddy’s. I had rough time with my daughter also as a teenager, she rebelled against me. Wouldn’t talk to me. I still wrote her love notes and left them at her desk or under the pillow. I wrote I was trying to be a better mother to her , that I was learning to be a mother and there’s no schooling for that, that I needed her help and learn together; she gave up and things became normal again. Thanks God!

Try always to do something to please yourself, go to a movie, buy yourself something you always wanted to have. Have a new hair style, new clothes, I don’t know, a new tool for the garden. Plant a tree, go say hello to the neighbors. Practice your social skills at the supermarket etc. Smile, smile Jesus loves you. Practice smiling at people you don’t know. I did that on the streets and people smiled back at me!im just trying to cheer you up. I want you to have hopes for a better blessed future even if you don’t see it now. Things will change. Hang in there. Don’t you ever quit!!! 💪🏽❤️

@Bewitched,

I am flattered by your reply. Thank you for so many nice compliments. However, I need to ask, are you sure you don’t have me mixed up with Adam? No disrespect, but I’ve always found his writings way more in depth and personal and way better than anything I’ve ever posted. Guess it’s no biggie. I try to be thorough with what I write. I’m glad you can sense the depths of where I’m trying to come from, but I feel like such an average person. Definitely do not feel like the “catch” as you referred to me as.

LO does infact mean the world to me. She is the most beautiful, gorgeous, alluring, spectacular, attractive Woman I have ever laid my sick eyes upon. I say all the time I am in love with her, but I think it’s more like I am in love with the idea of loving her. This is what I see from the outside. I don’t know what she’s truly like as a person inside. I didn’t think pair bonding was possible with someone I have never been with. Does that mean that if in my heart I feel such a connection with her, it then becomes a true pair bond? I guess I’m just a little overwhelmed by that statement, because she is all I ever think about. Why I am in tears most of the time. But didn’t think it could be real if it (a real relationship) didn’t actually exist.

It is true that I have a very hard time of giving up on the idea of LO and I (an “us”) at some point. The thought of being with her and not even in a remotely sexual way is something I would love to get used to. I think it’s also a very touching and emotional issue for me as well because I get extremely shy in her presence and beginning to believe she is unavailable. Perhaps she always has been, given her looks. Truth is, I hardly know her. We’ve said hello, exchanged very few words, and that’s it. I’ve been trying to make myself ok with these facts. Where it tends to get me down and sad is that it keeps me alone all the time and sometimes I just crave that human connection. Especially with LO.

I suppose where you and I differ is you have an SO and I do not. In 12 years, I have only had 1 SO and that lasted maybe only 3 years tops. I don’t even know if I could call it a relationship either because I never considered us exclusive. These days, I’m just alone with nobody. To say that I am a catch, you would think I have Women lining up at my doorstep. That’s hardly the case. Don’t get me wrong. I feel I have an immense propensity to love and adore. I feel like I deserve it, and then some. But I must be doing something wrong to have the kind if track record I do. I am at a place in life where I don’t care if a girl never becomes my SO. I’d just like to have a lady friend to come over and watch TV with me now and then. I don’t feel like that’s asking too much. But maybe it is.

Considering you must have a person (SO)to share your life with, it probably makes things easier for you when you go through long stretches without seeing your LO.
Thats the difference with me and a lot of people in this forum is that I concoct a lot of this LE in my head. I feed off it. It then consumes me. My time, my sadness, my depression, my anger, my work habits, my empathy, my ability to function, my tears, my hope, my loss, my etc, etc, etc. It’s a madness I would sometimes rather do without. Perhaps that’s just a morsel of why I am still alone. Why I can cry for hours at a time. And to a God that I don’t even know for sure is listening. I might just be crazy and don’t have it diagnosed yet. I don’t know if this is what you would consider as managing, but it certainly doesn’t always feel like managing on my end. Top all this off with a sick Father I help take care of and a Teenage Daughter that resents me for everything, just push me off into the deep end. Is it any wonder LO is the perfect escape??

I feel like it’s ok to want to love LO and to never want to wish it away. I also never want to devalue or lessen what I feel for her because I was an immense a$$#0!& in my marriage. Treating a Woman like crap is not in my wheelhouse anymore and especially a Woman of LOs caliber. I’d walk through fire for this Woman. Treat her like a Queen, probably simp all over the place for her, just because I want to be with her so bad. But does make me the pathetic one? I don’t know. But it’s probably not a healthy outlook. Do I love myself enough? I don’t think I do, to be truthful. Something I know I need to work on. Perhaps that too is a turn-off to the opposite sex. After all, who wants to walk around with an Oaf like myself, that has a gray cloud hanging over their head all the time?

I really do appreciate your kindness for what you see as my great desire to be with someone. My closer friends in this forum are always rooting for me and I wish so bad I could bring them that good news at some point. I’m probably more like just a broken record anymore. Always wallowing in self pity and defeat. Kind of like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. Yeah, who wants some of that sadness?

In the meantime, I will try to love myself better. Or at least like. Love might still be way too much of a stretch right now.

Thank you again Bewitched, wherever you are. Your words have meant a lot to me. Hope to hear from you soon..