Comments on: How limerence can lead to renewal

By: Julie

Julie — Sun, 28 Jan 2024 12:00:20 +0000

It is true that deep suffering can lead to deep transformation. In my case the depth of the pain brought me to self introspection, seeing therapists , learning hollisitc therapies, practising meditation and yoga… All of this helped me to see my patterns, overcome my strongest addictions, getting closer to my life purpose… The pain it is still there thought. The hope. And the despair also. But it came with deep understanding and healing. It s a long journey.

By: carl

carl — Sat, 16 Dec 2023 03:12:14 +0000

great info. well written explanation to overcome my may december from April to October romance. married 30 years met my LO on an energetic bike ride and had a whirlwind summer romance

By: Bridgelover

Bridgelover — Thu, 24 Aug 2023 11:56:33 +0000

In reply to Problem Child.

“Not having the self-control to just do things by halves sometimes, it has to be all or nothing.”

Exactly. My LO wants a not-close friendship. I want a romantic relationship but would settle for a close friendship. Why can’t I just meet him at not-close friendship since it’s what he wants? There’s no need to go “closeness or nothing at all.” And yet.

By: Bridgelover

Bridgelover — Thu, 24 Aug 2023 11:54:29 +0000

I am in the end stage of this LE, but I don’t know how long the end stage will last–will it run its course in a month or two or will I get sucked back into limerence limbo and stay there for years? I had a realization last night though, that even the painful part of limerence is still better than facing some of the other unrelated painful parts of life. I guess limerence really can be used for mood regulation.

By: C for cat

C for cat — Fri, 11 Aug 2023 16:34:44 +0000

In reply to Problem Child. How are you doing, Problem Child? I'm feeling slightly better today. Enforced NC due to complete silence from LO for the last week and a half is helping in a way, though I'm still in no way over it.

By: Problem Child

Problem Child — Tue, 01 Aug 2023 13:40:29 +0000

In reply to C for cat.

You should! I am trying to do just that, hang onto the merest hint of anything that annoys me about him, trouble is that breeds a side of me I don’t like, one that’s nasty and full of hatred.

I just wish I knew! There is eye contact, but he looks away almost embarrassed – I don’t know if this means he doesn’t like me or is feeling awkward. And what would I do if I knew anyway? I can’t do anything, it would merely fulfill my need to be wanted. God I feel like such a child, monitoring his body language, the length of time he takes to respond to texts, where is he, where is he??!

It’s a rollercoaster isn’t it? One that could easily go off the rails… I should remember that.

I saw you say something about obsessing over your diet and appearance, I am at that stage too, and I have history in this area – not a good sign. I’m telling myself it’s because I want to look better for myself but that’s a lie. It’s like I have two personalities – one where I’m in my daily life and another where I live out this fantasy life – and I’m not even sure what the fantasy is!

Good luck for tonight, in all ways!

By: C for cat

C for cat — Tue, 01 Aug 2023 12:18:54 +0000

In reply to Problem Child.

No, not at all! Sorry you thought that. I don’t even remember you saying that tbh – maybe I missed the post. I’m up and down, thanks for asking – yesterday I felt positive about the decision I’d made to audition for the play and potentially spend more time with LO again, but today I’m worried again. Ah well, we’ll see what happens tonight!

My LO is annoying me too with the ease of which he seems to have got over feelings that seemed to be really bothering him before. Maybe I should hang on to that and get really cross with him!

By: Problem Child

Problem Child — Tue, 01 Aug 2023 05:50:46 +0000

That would do! How are you C for Cat? I was worried I’d offended you when I said we’d be no good for each other, so I’m glad to see this!

By: C for cat

C for cat — Mon, 31 Jul 2023 21:17:44 +0000

Problem child, I’d throw you a buoy if I could but I need it myself! Maybe we could share ..

By: Problem Child

Problem Child — Mon, 31 Jul 2023 19:36:28 +0000

I am on the verge of renewal. Well perhaps not quite as on the verge as I’d like to be, but I can see how it could work. I am trying to throw myself into other things I love, which I won’t mention here, terrified of being identified as I am! However I am constantly drawn back to thoughts of my LO and it’s really starting to annoy me. I guess that’s good because it’s a sign that his very being is beginning to annoy me, but it’s also only my own head that draws me back. I feel like I’m on this very wobbly tightrope or something, and I keep tipping one way or the other, not really knowing what I want. But I do know what I want, I want to go back to not obsessing over this man, not caring a jot for his existence, but I don’t want to put the effort into getting there, I just want it over!

I think this is the essence of the problem, for me, the addiction. Becoming addicted to anything is the easy option, laziness! Not having the self-control to just do things by halves sometimes, it has to be all or nothing. I’m not sure where I’m going with this, I think I just wanted to vent, or to reach out. I’m sinking and I need a buoy to hold onto!